I am not Puppy and I thought it be best I keep my mouth shut but...
A few weeks ago OIN's W couldn't even begin to manage her work schedule, a gardening project or other really normal things. She was tearing things up and breaking things. I guess I just find it odd that now she is in a place to have a child.
The statement that struck me REALLY odd is OIN said he always had an excuse as to why they could not have a baby for years. His wife JUST turned 25 last week and they have only been married for 9 months. How many years has she been wanting a baby with you? If ya'll got together when she was 14 and you mentioned school being in the way it just seems strange to me (which I realize means jack crap!).
Throwing a baby in the mix (even if you both want one) at this time seems like a bit much IMO!
I mean, I think she is only being nice to him, and LMing, because she's trying to get pregnant. Even if she's not, I still think that having a baby right now is the last thing they should be doing, until they are on a more solid footing.
It's her earlier "I want to get elective things done on his health insurance" issue, redux.
There are many couples who feel that having a baby will solve all their problems. But unless they have the right foundation, a baby will add more problems.
What's going to happen when all her attention starts shifting to the baby? They should learn how to cope with each other first.
Also I haven't seen much remorse on her side for what had happened. She still seems to place the blame solely on OIN and from what's been seen here time and time again is that an apology must come from the WAS. If not, they may believe what they did was right and will end up doing it again.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
They DON'T have a baby yet. They are TALKING and discussing and sharing their feelings and looking into having a baby.
This is how relationships go. Your goals change. This is how reconciliations go. People talk about whether they are going to keep the same house, or buy a new one. She is sharing her feelings...
I say.. LET HER SHARE her feeings. I have yet to see that it is a done deal that they are now having a baby and it is set in stone and she is using him... I say.. Let her open up and dream about it and he should be ALLOWING her to open up and and allow himself to be open to the same dreams.
He is now handling it correctly. He is mixing getting involved and interested with her in having children, along with taking charge of getting counseling (which she is going along with at the present, which means she IS invested in this working too) as well as learning to be a happy man...
This is his problem. He should be HAPPY that she is wanting children with him and now thinking about it. Should she be thinking about all the problems and the OM still? That it is what she is TIRED of doing. She is bored with talking about the relationship. She is tired of working on it. She just wants it to BE... He needs to understand again how she is FEELING and THINKING.. She is focusing on other interests and things that make her happy. AS HE SHOULD BE DOING. AS WE have been telling HIM. What does it matter if she is excited or wants a child. Very normal for a woman.
There are many couples who feel that having a baby will solve all their problems. But unless they have the right foundation, a baby will add more problems.
Just because he's going to have sex with her doesn't mean he HAS to shoot for a new baby.
I'm not saying he is, DLS. I'm saying SHE is. She's on record with as much, and she's already gotten him to have unprotected sex with her, even though his own position is (and I'm paraphrasing, as I don't have the exact quote in front of me) he's "dead-set against it."
I don't see anything wrong talking about it. He did say though he had unprotected sex and well, maybe that is more than talking about it.
I am REALLY glad they are planning on going to C'ing. REALLY happy for them! I also agree that OIN needs to learn to be happy and less controlling. As an outsider though, from what I have read since the very start, it does seem (to me) that OIN's wife usually has an agenda (ex: the plastic surgery, the party, the baby).
Things just appear fragile and since OIN's W still works with OM and this is all so new it seems logical to take things slow!
They are TALKING and discussing and sharing feelings about having a baby... They are talking about going on vacation. They are talking about counseling.
This is how GOOD relationship work. She talks and tells her feelings and he agrees..
