Help--Can't See Past The Pain

[LRT Land]

VV - this is a great post. I am hurting but don't want our bad R back. Either we work to make it better or he can go ahead and end it and I will embrace the new life with my DD. She will be devastated, but I will do my best to stay upbeat for her.

It helps to read all these stories and see people who succeeded and those who didn't succeed (with their M) but came out just fine in the end.

[Long_Way_To_Go]

Thanks for your input R2C and VV.

VV--I am trying to do things for myself but it is hard since a lot of the things I enjoy doing I did with my H. Every evening I go somewhere to get out of the house for a few hours, but I'm really having to force myself to do it right now.

I totally understand what you're saying about not wanting your old marriage back. I don't want to go back to the way things were, but I'm also not willing to give up on creating a new, better marriage.

R2C--Thank you for your help in what I can say to set the boundaries. Unfortunately, I already know he wants out of our marriage so once I say he needs to leave, that will probably be the end and I want to save our marriage. The girl he is involved with is going back to Thailand on Monday, so I was hoping to wait and see how that would change our dynamic. Maybe once she is gone he will take more notice of the changes I am making in myself.

[par4me]

I know that these people are giving you good advice-change yourself, work on you. I also know that this is very hard to do when you have been rejected and feel low self esteem. The sense of loss is great. it is a very destructive feeling that can waste many months or years of your life. They say things will get better i just dont see the light yet. i hope that you do.

[Long_Way_To_Go]

I can imagine seeing the light someday, but right now it's a long way in the distance. I think right now I am grieving for what I've lost. I'm telling myself to take it one day at a time. Some days are good and some are bad. But every morning I wake up hoping this whole thing was just a nightmare.

I've thought of myself as a wife for so long, it is hard for me to think of just myself. Each day I'm making a list of what I've done for myself that day to remind me how important it is to keep focused on that goal.

[par4me]

I feel the same way that this is just a nightmare that I am going to wake up from. But it is not.

[gr8 day 2B alive]

I know that these people are giving you good advice-change yourself, work on you. I also know that this is very hard to do when you have been rejected and feel low self esteem. The sense of loss is great. it is a very destructive feeling that can waste many months or years of your life. They say things will get better i just dont see the light yet. i hope that you do.

I am approaching my 1 year anniversary since my bomb was dropped.

I too was in a fog for months hoping and thinking my M would work out. Most of us here do the same.
Once I started doing things for me and working on myself for me, things change. I know I'm a great person, mistakes were made but I'm still a great person.

Getting to your place of zen takes time, different for everyone.

Newbies here often mistake success as getting back together w spouse.

DBing is about saving yoursdelf. Although I may not have saved my M, I feel I am a success because I worked hard on myself and I am a much happier person now.

I saved myself to be the best dad my kids could want. I worked on my R skills so that when the time comes I won't make the same mistakes twice.

I tell people there are three types of people in the world:

1. Ignorant people- The people who don't "get it", They will never learn and continue to fail in life.

2. Smart People- People who made mistakes learned from them and better themselves from those mistakes.

3. WIse People- People who learn from other peoples mistakes.


Learn from your mistakes and work on you.

gr8