Just a journal or something...tonight I went to an outdoor concert at a place stbxh and I went to 3 times before...with C and her H. It was an awesome band and I had fun of course. But I would have intermittent flashes of memories from times stbxh and I were there...and I kept thinking "I am reclaiming this place!" I still got caught up crying every now and then. I was drinking beer but still....I think it would make me sad anyway.
THEN later, when we were eating afterward, I suddenly got so upset with my friends about stbxh....I insisted they own up to the TRUTH which was that stbxh WAS a good person and great to me UNTIL the A! That they could not and should not lie and re-write their opinion of him during that time period and say that I married the wrong man! That he WAS TRULY a nice, good, fun man!
I think something triggered me to think that they wanted to label him as 100% evil bastard from 2004 to present day when actually it was more like 2008- present.
So we got into a heated discussion at first that ended well with hugs. I know my gut, damn it! And my gut was telling me something like they were re-writing our history and just because I made some positive comments like stbxh always remembered names for me, was awesome with directions, (BUT ALSO made sure I was taken care of, cuddled and kissed me in public, listened to me, cooked for me, joked with me, KNEW how I was feeling, supported me) didn't mean that I didn't understand that he was messed up for doing what he did. But that I didn't imagine or use rose colored glasses or dream that things were like that...it was TRUTH it was REAL. And it is part of the grieving process for me to acknowledge the good parts of my life with him. And that it doesn't mean I am not moving on! It means I am mourning what was.
I think they got it.
Last edited by newmama; 07/18/1008:16 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
ok there is such a thing as TOO MUCH GAL! need to chill out this week and I bet S does too....since I took him with me to so many places. But he has been standing by himself, babbling up a storm and I really am excited to see him when stbxh drops him off!
I just found a man from my ziplining group on a dating site. I remember being attracted to him (not as much as zoobrew but it was there) and enjoyed his voice! He also seemed interesting to talk to!
He indicated he was casually dating--just like me. So I emailed him and we'll see what happens. The thing is that he is in the same meetup group as zoobrew. But we go to different events so it's not like they would say "hey! Guess what? I went out with newmama! did you?"
What's funny is that he is very tall (to me at least! 6'2"?) and has a full head of silver hair. But it has always been that way I guess. Well zoobrew is short for a guy and is bald! Guess I don't have a prototype, lol!
OK need to consume a bunch of vegetables and fruit to "detox" from beer and bar food! I must say that I did a good job writing the post while intoxicated-except a few swear words. Sorry! blush face!
Last edited by newmama; 07/18/1006:07 PM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Oh Nm you make me laugh! I wondered if you had had a few when you wrote your post last night! Glad you had a good time! I was afraid last weekend when I went to my hometown that if I drank that I would "lose it" in front of someone but I think I was having so much fun that I didn't...thank goodness!
Do you think that your girlfriends were just "having your back" so to speak??? So glad that you made up and hugged!
You are very brave emailing guys! I have always been a little shy and cannot even imagine doing that!
Hope you have a restful few days! Give S a huge hug!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
NM, not sure if it's the same thing but I too was protective of STBXW, still am to some degree. When people want to say bad things about her (of course they do it just to show their support towards me) it makes me a bit edgy and I try to change the topic. Of course I like it when my DB friends do it because they 'get it' my other friends don't really understand the whole thing as well so I hate it when they try to demonize her. Weird huh?
Look at you...you're checking out the dating sites and all! hey I say good for you! So Zoobrew is bald as in no hair or a shaved head? I know shaving your head was in for a while.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
CW- I guess I am not afraid of rejection right now, after having been so deeply rejected and hurt more than I ever could imagine! So nothing else is so bad, you know? But going out with zoobrew was a gift even if I didn't see him again. When I went out with him, I totally knew I WAS ready for dating! Because I was enjoying myself and felt comfortable with him and was able to give him a kiss goodnight!
Gatsby and SR-thanks for your support about the conversation. It needed to be said that is for sure!
SR-zoobrew went bald, and now shaves his head. Stbxh was going bald....the thing is, that it is a fact: Many men will go bald. Ever since Luke Piccard (sp) I knew I was able to be attracted to bald men AS LONG AS I found their eyes and smile attractive! lol!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
P.S. CW- I make the first move and then they have to be the one to follow up! Emailing is a lot easier than asking in person!
OK well I don't know how realistic this is to date more than one person because schedules are tough enough as it is... trying to coordinate with kids and work etc. But I do have another date with the zipliner that we just need to nail down. Because zoobrew has his kids this week, I am saving Wed but am planning on Thurs. If he can't make it on Thurs (this guy), then I will say that I will contact him soon to see if we can set something up later!
Then this Rugby entrepeneur guy (33)emailed me back and wants to talk to me on the phone before meeting me. I have the connection with zoobrew to compare to but I also think in the back of mind "don't like zoobrew toooo much! you will get disappointed!" so the time in between seeing him will help. But he set the bar high!
I wonder if I am dating more than one person just because that is what they say to do? I am a one man woman usually.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Try it for a bit and see how it goes. Sometimes we don't think we'll like something just because it's not what we usually do! Good to see you stretching your comfort zone just a bit.
Your Week Ahead Part Two - Love Focus: You are finally making a break with a part of the past that you thought would hang over you forever like some dark, depressing cloud. Why then, are you loath to celebrate? Because you remain unsure about the permanence of that progress. What if things slip back to the way they used to be? Continue, by all means, to be cautious about eggs that have so far failed to hatch. But be aware that there are some actual chickens. These need feeding. Go beyond your fears and forget the anxious feelings that have lately made life so stressful. Sooner than you think, almost all your feelings will be genuinely good feelings! A rare 'Cosmic Cross' is happening! This 'T-Square' will bring change to the world... and it will bring change to YOUR life. If you're ready for it, it can be a time of unparalleled opportunity.
lol! wow, this is pretty creepy!
OK A QUESTION: It has been 30 days since stbxh served me with divorce papers. Should I ask him what happens next? Or just let it be?
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Glad you had a good time! I was afraid last weekend when I went to my hometown that if I drank that I would "lose it" in front of someone but I think I was having so much fun that I didn't...thank goodness!