Well it seems that after flopping from here to WAW, I have a MLC on my hands. As of the 14th this is complete with an EA and 99.9% surety of a PA via visits to College Sorority get togethers and business meetings.
I have fallen back into a stomach wrenching nightmare and just cannot GAL for the life of me. I feel like such a pu$$ due to the fact that I still want her despite the situation.
I do not know now where I am at even though I know where I am supposed to go as far as doing stuff for me and the kids. Every sign was there and many told me on the boards that they suspected this was the case, but I simply could not find the evidence until I got into her Blackberry account and saw no less than 420 texts and 20 phone calls between them in the last 6 days.
She has changed the password again and I am certain knows that I am in the very least suspicious. I told her this morning that whatever has happened, we can work through it and that I love her and want her to be my wife.
I know this is regressing, but with the new information, I just wanted to put it out there one time before things go crazy.
This explains why she wanted things to go quiet and did not tell anyone until late in the situation. Now she wants to move things along, but is aware that I know there is something, although I did not tell her I have the phone records for the last 5 months. Calls and texts.
I imagine this started via Facebook sometime in October of 2009 or sooner. First voice contact via Blackberry seems to have been in March...my Bomb day was 3-20-2010. Then I am unable to get texts but there were voice calls back and forth, including on my son's and my shared birthday. How can that not send me into a flying rage? Instead I am just hollowed out. Like I said, welcome to wussville.
She wants the house, but does not want my 401-K or pension, and only child support, which I would be giving anyway. There is no way, unless her new man helps her out that she can afford it, but I think the plan is to wait six months, (because she keeps saying if she cannot hack it in six months, I can move in and give it a go) and once things are final and she and her man are set, she is going to just dump it all in my lap.
I have no idea what to do and do not care if I end up in a box if it gets her back to me. Stilltrying feels now like I am just starting to try and it is an emotionally ravaging circumstance.
Most of this was to babble and help see my thoughts in front of me. I know many of you will be disappointed as I have back slid from a couple months ago when I was on but as I sit here blubbering like a silly child all over my keyboard, I do not know what to do and know it is better to ramble on here then to do so in front of her. Any thoughts therefore, even if they are a bit scolding are welcomed.
No one will be disappointed that you backslid. I dare say that most of us do at one time or another. We all know how much this hurts.
What has made you think that your W is MLC vs. WAS? The only reason I ask is that reading from your post it seems like your W is doing a lot of planning. MLCers usually act more confused.
It doesn't really matter what she is unless you're thinking of trying to bust the affair. The advice for that is more confrontational.
The plan thing is only supposition on my part. Every other thing she does just makes no sense and comes at a cost to everyone but her.
The affair, the selfishness, the spending funds we do not have, I just think it all started back when I thought she was just dealing with her 40 years on the planet.
I would think a WAW would try to get advice from friends at least or something. Only advice my wife is getting is from the OM.
Wow! While there are a lot of things in common between males and females in MLC, there are also a great deal of differences.
Some of the things you speak of are familiar to my sitch, others totally alien. Seems Grace had the best advice to give when she said protect yourself financially and take the kids and go off someplace to get your mind off it and enjoy yourself. Hard to do I know, but it can be pulled off.
So . . . . No great wisdom from this corner, but lots of prayers and support
Okay stilt--he is right. She does NOT want you to come to her like that. Not even a little. Have you read the DB/DR books? One of the things women look for are MEN. For some reason she doesn't see you like the man you once were. I'm not sure why, not my place to question the past--only get you through the here & now.
And right now she wants you to get a backbone. If you keep coming to her with these proclamation of undying love, all she is going to feel is smothered, not loved. She is just going to have more proof that you have turned into the man she thinks you are.
Doesn't matter what she thinks you are, btw. Never will. You aren't going to try to become the man she wants. That is a game & games never work. You are going to work on being the man YOU want to be. And if that happens to be the kind of man she wants, then great.
If not, then you are still a man with a spine, and some pride and dignity--you are the kind of man YOU can be proud of.
Regardless of how this turns out.
Back off. Turn around. Take a deep breath. Take another. And another.
This is not easy, this is going to be really, really hard. But we are here for you. Come here to vent, cry, moan, lament on how much you love her. Here. Only here.
Let her see you pulled together.
You can do this.
What are your plans for today? For you?
I'm going to clean up the house (some more) while the kids are all occupied and then tonight I think we are going to play camp-out in the living room and rent a movie.
Your turn...
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
