How can I be positive when he is stuck on the D meter? I know I am doing everything wrong. And with him being gone, I am constantly worried about if he is talking to OW, what he saying, and what he is thinking.
He said that when he met me, I was a strong woman who had a fun and vibrant attitude. I have succumbed to worrying if/when is will come home and re-discover a new relationship with me. I really want my marriage - just don't know how I get there from here.
Last edited by ShellDoll; 07/16/1004:21 PM.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
He said that when he met me, I was a strong woman who had a fun and vibrant attitude.
This is the woman who is attracted to.
Quote:
I have succumbed to worrying if/when is will come home and re-discover a new relationship with me.
This is eating at you. Turn the focus on you. Once you start doing things for you(really doing things for you) you will feel so much better.
Detach and live for you.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
He is no longer attracted to me. THe OW has a huge hold on him. I am trying to keep up hope and faith, but it is difficult. I feel like my H gave up by syaing, "I am not happy with you and I will never be". The longer we are apart without any movement in the recon direction, the more discouraged I become.
My H is very private and very protective of his image. I know he also watched internet porn of which I confronted him with as well, but he denied it and we were the only 2 people living in the house.
So, if I were to expose the affair, he would make people think that I was being irrational and that it was not true. He is pretty convincing. This is one of the reasons, I am not sure if he will ever come around or to his senses. He says he is unhappy and wants to be happy. He feels like he stayed around for so long because he did not want to hurt me and that if took courage for him to leave. Oh, what do I do....
Last edited by ShellDoll; 07/16/1005:03 PM.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
I wrote this letter a few months back when I wanted to expose the affair, please give me your thoughts:
My husband, your brother, your friend, (name removed)has been distant and unhappy. His feelings on unhappiness, according to him center around me, his wife. He has not sought help for himself nor believes he needs to.
Husband has done nothing to support himself nor our marriage doing this time other than:
1 - Engaged in an inappropriate relationship/affair with one of his subordinates. I have emails, credit card bills to support his affair. 2 - Spent evenings with this woman (including our anniversary) and an overnight stay while I was out of town on business. I came home early from trip on a Saturday evening to see husband being dropped off the next morning by the OW 3 - Ridiculed me for gaining weight 4 - Searched the internet for images of "internet porn" which pulls back pictures of girls in little to pretty much underwear or nothing at all. 5 - Deserted me, leaving without me knowing first 6 - Has lied to me consistently about where he has been and who with
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
I plan to expose my H's affair this weekend. I just need to be clear and succinct in what I want to say .
I will let you know what happens, but he will probably say that... "You just ruined any chance we had, I'm definitley going to get a divorce now. We are done"
The one thing is that his family loves me, but I do wonder if they would take his side. I know his best friend will take his side. Not sure about his boss and how he will respond, but he will blame me if the other woman loses her job as a result of the exposure. I can't worry about that.
I want to set the playing field a bit and take back some control over my life. He will be mad, but heck, he is already saying he is not coming back.
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
Me 41/H 49 M 12yrs No Kids Bomb 1/10/2010 H Deployed The three great essentials to achieve anything worth while are, first, hard work; second, stick-to-itiveness; third, common sense. T. Edison
you've got enough to worry over with it being you. try not to think about what he is doing or with whom, all of tht think will just lead to you getting upset. i know been there. besides what you imagine might not be going on all or at least in the way you think. so sorry for the pain. i know. try try try and keep trying will post more later
personally i would expose the affair. i have already done so in my stich. Even if he says that because you exposed the affair that now there is no chance- well at this moment there is no chance for you two to work on your marriage while a third person is in it. do not make it easy for him or for the ow. contact to other woman's husband. they caused this pain and should bear the conquses of their actions. my wife left me and hade an affair in 08 to 12 in 2008 she was put in jail. he went back to his wife december 2008 moved back in with me and the kids but kept contact with other man i had a problem with it she moved out sept 2009 been moved out on her own to current date still in contact with other man currently back in jail. a few months ago she left her phone here i checked it found the number--called other man left him message. it seems his wife was aware he and my wife were still cheating she recently wrote me a letter to say she is divorcing him i go to see my wife in jail on sunday
As "pro-exposure" as I am (and I am), I don't think you should do it in your current frame of mind. You are nowhere NEAR non-reactive nor detached enough to be able to pull it off successfully, and if you're not, then it will only make things WORSE.
Those are cards to play for another day, IF you have have hard evidence, as Coach notes.
