I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

ugh what the hell? Another incident just happened! The doorbell rang and 2 men wearing the same baseball cap with some kind of logo were on the porch. I always look through the peephole and don't open the door depending...

well since stbxh has requested some estimates for the yard, I thought maybe these guys had to do with that and he forgot to tell me.

So I open it and the man says "hi. Is your husband home?"
normally, due to being alone, I say "he'll be back later." so they don't think I live alone. Well this time I just said "no."

The guy tells me "well we want to do some cement work and it affects your property. Do you have a minute?"

Guarded, I reply "just a minute." (I have had people try to sell me on work in the past....)

Turns out, the man is my neighbor and the other guy is his dad, who owns the house next door. The tree roots messed up the sidewalk and they want to fix it at no cost to us. Is that ok?I say that I will need to check with stbxh...we are getting a divorce and he will be back soon to return my son. The neighbor says "I'm sorry. You just had a new little one, right?" He introduces himself and so do I.

So I say yes, he is a year old. Then I say that I will talk to stbxh tonight and if he says no, I'll let them know. Then I said that I am sorry that I haven't introduced myself earlier (like 5 years earlier). That I am a private person but I should know my neighbors!

hopefully that will explain why I was so guarded and bitchy!

But ughhh...it made me feel another example where basically,
I needed to defer to stbxh for something!!!!

[newmama]

ok just got a lesson from stbxh on how to use the air compressor and use the pressure guage (sp?) to fill the tire if it goes low over night. I told him about the neighbor and the sidewalk.

I swear he had this amused look on his face!! I feel sooo angry!
Maybe it has something to do with being the rescuer like Romeo was talking about...like he enjoys this?

[newmama]

just sent my Bunco group the email telling them I am getting a divorce. My heart is beating fast!

Also....there has to be a full moon....or something cosmic...

about a month ago, I emailed a guy from the zoo brew meetup, asking him if he wanted to go out for a beer sometime this summer. I just received an email from him asking me if I want to meet with him this week!



I am going to meet with the guy. I shouldn't even tell you this since I keep saying "I'm not ready!" (but damn it I have been checking guys out like crazy over these last couple of weeks! Just looking....). Am waiting a little bit longer before I reply to his request to meet tomorrow night (ha ha! don't want to be too eager!) and you know something? I have to go to another custody class tomorrow night, so I think it will be refreshing to have some laughs with this guy right after!

And in 2 days it will be 30 days since stbxh gave me divorce papers. But almost 16 months since he left me for THE WHORE.

[ImprovedRomeo]

(((NM))
Sorry I totally missed your post about the tire fiasco...you must type fast...and I can't keep up with your thread

So the tire...yes if the leak is really slow you can put some air in it and drive to the store. If not, then out comes the spare tire (hopefully you check it every now and then to make sure it has air!). OK it's not that hard to change a flat and there are probably tons of videos on youtube showing you what needs to be done. You can also rely on the good looking, AAA guy if you have the membership, in fact, most cell phone plans and credit cards offer roadside assistance program if you're wearing a skirt and don't want to deal with it.

Good for you that you learned how the air compressor and gauge work...see wasn't tough now was it? If you can give birth and bring a person into this world jeez you can do anything!

Cement work stuff...it's OK! most guys wouldn't know this stuff either so it's better to ask questions like 'how will this affect anything on my property?' 'how long will this work take?' 'will the cement color match or no?' until you're satisfied...and the next time you'll know more than most guys.

Well as far as the amusing look on your H's face...I think it was just your imagination. He's the one leaving you why would he be amused that you're asking for advice? Even so, who cares? what does it change? nothing! you should feel good that even though he claims he likes the OW you can still get him to help you with all this stuff.

So you're not kidding you've been busy checking out guys thank you for the compliment on my silly pic btw! You're not only cute you seem to love to laugh- that's attractive! People want to be around those who are laughing and enjoying life.

So this guy you're meeting...I think it's good as long as it's just a casual friendly sort of a thing. Goodluck!

[flowmom]

Have fun newmama . You're a big girl (as in smart, mature )

[newmama]

Romeo- waiting for that pic with a smile! Thanks for the advice and encouragement and I will wear a skirt tomorrow when I take in the car!

lol flowmom- not BIG girl? Ok just got off the phone with the zoo brew guy...he was up late and asked if I wanted to talk! So we talked for a couple of hours. At first I thought "damn it- why can't we talk tomorrow on the date? why do it all now?"

So zoobrew was 44 years old-- I thought he looked 39 or 40 when I saw him last. I was a little disappointed at first (10 years older could be a generational deal breaker, if you know what I mean).Luckily we liked several of the same bands. He also was rather serious at first. I told him my age and he said 30 was the youngest he would go and 46 would be the oldest. Holy crap- he hasn't seen Whatnow!! But I doubt he would guess her age anyway!;)

We started talking religion right off the bat! HIS choice of topic...but then I figured out that he was nervous. By the middle of the conversation, I was feeling intimidated because he grew up well to do, had a happy family growing up, was a good Catholic alter boy, was very "together..." he described some things about his ex wife that actually matched ME and he wasn't saying them in a complimentary way...

Well we talked surface level about our divorces,his wife CLEARLY had an MLC and he sort of guessed that stbxh cheated on me.I am not going to just come right out and say it! But surprisingly, it seemed to not phase him. I guess because it made sense why I have a 12 month old and am getting a divorce? Somehow it came out that we are being amicable and that I am not taking stbxh to the cleaners. He was very impressed with that and said it is amazing that I have been so "mature" about this all..that his lawyers encouraged him to do and say things that weren't helpful in hindsight.

He asked me if I had dated much and I said "nothing serious" and he said "and how has it been going?" YIKES! So I LIED and said "well not too horrendous but nothing spectacular" I didn't feel good about lying. But I was not about to tell him "you are my first date since my stbxh." I did let him know that my divorce just started but we had been separated for a long time previous. He said he had a few flings right after being divorced, then saw someone exclusively for a year and broke up in April. I didn't ask the particulars.


We are meeting tomorrow at 8:30 (PST) at this pub I hadn't been to, so of course I will report on it afterward.

Ok off to bed....S will be awake in 6 hours OR LESS!!

[awest1217]

Ditto with me and my H. All last summer, I would call anytime something happened with the house or with S, but he would yell at me. One time I called to ask him about going to the hospital with S because he fell off the bed and his ear was swollen. I got yelled at and another time I called to ask him to get S some vapor pads for his humidifier because he had just started coughing bad and was sleeping. I was told to wake S up and take him to the store to get them myself...

Be thankful that although things are not perfect and you are Ding that stbxh is willing to help you.

[newmama]

Yeah, I guess I don't have it that bad...sometimes I wish my stbxh would behave like that so it would be easier to hate him! But I wasn't kidding when I said he really was a good guy up until the A!

[ImprovedRomeo]

Jeez, these guys are so immature, wrapped up in themselves.

Anyway, as for the little things like a check engine light, wiper blades, battery testing/install, light bulbs etc go to your local Autozone/Kragen etc and they'll do it for you free if you buy the parts from them. As I said lots of youtube videos show you how to do just about anything these days not just the car stuff. Plus I'm sure there are lots of home-improvement forums like this one...believe me lots of guys out there will help a girl out.

[awest1217]

It really is so true. I have a friend at my church who said he would side my entire house if I buy the siding so I could get better insulation (I have a very old house with wood siding and probably little to no insulation). Plus he said then he could get word of mouth for his company because many houses in my neighborhood need residing.

So many people will help. You just have to know where to look.