No going back

[xin]

Hi pie,

If you continue to focus on yourself, doing things that make you happy, like spending time with your friends, you will soon realise that you are significant and people do enjoy spending time with you. Your H's actions and decisions are about himself, not you.

Look after yourself and be nice to yourself - remember if we don't love ourselves, we can't expect others to love us.

[pie]

Thanks Xin! Still feeling strong today - YAY! Feeling as if I'm a pretty nice person, and if he doesnt want me, someone else definitely will, and after all, everyone deserves to love and be loved.

I do love him, but the more I think about, the more I realize that I can't change whatever he's feeling. I can only be myself, and live life and look for my own happiness, if its not with him,it will be with someone else who will love me as much as I love them, and I dont want to really settle for less. And I always felt I loved him a little more than he loved me. But this could be my not understanding him, and him not understanding me. What I've learned from this it to TALK. Don't keep anything in and hope it will pass. TALK ABOUT IT.Lesson learned

I can't keep waiting for him to suddenly wake up, he may never, and I dont want to waste too much of my life. Maybe its MY turn to be a little selfish.

[pinhead]

Hang in there Pie.

One thing I've realized with DB is that while I keep a small "flame of hope" burning, with the desire for my WAW to decide to reinvest in our M, I don't "expect" her to come back. The things I try to do for myself, I'd be doing if she had passed away or divorced me. Things that I should have done ages ago.

The things I do around her (being calm and patient, being a loving father, listening better) are all traits that will serve me well regardless of how my R ends up.

I'm not saying it's easy; far from it. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I keep wanting to have her look at me and give me one of her smiles that caught my heart 13 years ago. But I'm slowly starting to accept that this might not happen, that she may just have walked too far.

-------------

We all deserve love that fulfills and enriches us; love that heals, not hurts.

[pie]

Pinhead - thanks, your words make such sense and really resonate right now. I do feel I have benefited from all of this, bitter sweet benefit really.

And I'm starting to really focus on what I want now, which I havnt done for YEARS. So thats good at least!

H phoned at S4s bedtime last night, was late and asked if he was still awake, I said no put him down already, and he said oh dear, I guess I'l see him in the morning then, and made a point of telling me he was off to go watch a game at his BF house. He seems to be making a point of telling where he's going and what he's doing lately, not that I've ever asked or crowded his needed space since he told me all of his feelings.

Dont know what to think of that, it could be a good or a bad sign , but to tell the truth, I'm getting so tired of trying to figure out the puzzle Its exhausting....

I reckon I've done all the right things since the get go with regard to DBing, so whatever the outcome is I know I gave it my all....


Theres an eclipse on sunday for pisces, said to bring a big fat nexpected love suprise especially for those born on the 9th (ME!!!!YAY!) How exciting! I wonder whats going to happen!! Ihope something does, even if its a new stranger that comes and whisks me off my feet!! Would be a refreshing change!

[pie]

Ok, just when I found my footing, I get the world pulled out from underme again

Yesterday H took 1/2 day off work, and picked S up from school to spend a little time with him, brought him home and spent an hour here, having fun, we laughed, it was relaxed and nice, then I said I had plans to see BGF, so he took S, and said to text me when I was back, which I did, he came back with S and we spent some more good time together as a Fam. Said he was off to go watch a game with his BF, and left - all was good.

But then a couple hours later my BGF texts me sayin somehow she ended up at the bar down the road with her H, MY H, and his friend Now BGF H works for H, and they had a bit of a fall out, but now are friends again, cause H has become more of his old self again. Now I would NEVER stop my BGF from going and sitting by her H for the eve, I just felt hurt by the whole scenario. Here I was, at home looking after S, and there 'our' group is, sans me

Made me feel so sad.

Then the cherry on the cake is H came to fetch S this morning for school, all HAPPY, and WHISLTING and SINGING as if life is just sooo dandy now without me, and it just reaaaaally hurt me beyond belief, that I'm still trying to 'get over' him, and he's having such a fab happy life without me Makes me sad that the man I loved and cherished so dearly can 'get over' me so quickly

Deep down I know I'm not worthless, and that a gazillion men would love me, but it just hurts - you know

So there goes all my positive momentum....poof......

[par4me]

Not any help here but I am sorry that happened to you. I will pray for you and your family tonight.

[pie]

Thank you par4me I reckon Gods ears are a bit tired of hearing my prayers by now

I just wish that I knew what he was thinking. I wish he would talk. I wish I knew WHY he just walked away.

He gave me a million reasons, he'd changed, his needs had changed, he hasnt been happy in ages, our sexlife want good enough, I didnt get along with his parents, he needed to find himself and do things HE wanted to do, I never supported him enough, he needs someone who would take his nonsense, It was me, then it wasnt me, he married too young, I deserve better.

A gazillion things all just came rushing out ,out of the blue!

And a couple months ago, I asked about if he wanted D, he said 'Not just yet'. ???? Huh??

Then I get to wondering, WHY not just yet? Too much money for him? Hes not sure if he wants to?

WHATS GOING ON!!!!!

I guess I'm still a little shell shocked some days.

[Shelby]

Hi Pie,
I just wanted to say Hi, I need to start a thread about my current sitch. but I am having a hard time finding the time with the kids home for summer vacation.

I just wanted to say HI and also mention that I am also a Pisces born on March 9th and my Husband is a scorpio like yours, at least that is what I think I have read.

[xin]

Pie,

Don't give up, you were doing so well. Stay strong. Don't get sucked in trying to analyse your H's actions again, it downward spiral. Remember you can't control those.

Your H's probably trying to out-do you in the GAL department - don't let him win, go and do better!

[pie]

Shelby - HI!Its so strange - I was just wondering if there were any other pisces scorpio couples on the board G;ad to see you here and will look out for your sitch

Xin, I know I WAS doing so well I really dont like this rollercoastering, but you are right, I hae to step back again and focus on me, its just more of an effort on somedays

H came bounding in yesterday just before I was about to get ready to go out with the GF, her H, old school friend , her H and Brother (had babysitter), first time he's ever come over unannounced in 4 months.

H Spent 10 mins with S, romping with him, clearly in a very good mood, and then left, I think he was probably excited about something he had planned.

I just dont GET how someone can stop caring for someone after 12 years of being together quite happily. Everyone said we were the perfect couple? And its like he just flipped a switch, and now doesnt even ask about my day or anything

I suppose I'm still grieving the loss of him,cause all his actions seem to point to him being quite happy with the status quo and GAL is a little more of an effort while you're grieveing....

Did have a very good day yesterday,and night. I'm sad that I let myself feel sad for a few moments in it, becuase it would have been SUCH AN AWSOME day otherwise,took the day off, and was out with friends ALL DAY, doing things I love!

Anyway, onward ho I suppose....maybe today will be better emotionally...