(((((nc)))) I concur with Bobby, I got stressed out and Ticked off just reading your post...It still amazes me how they act like they have not been the cause of the dismemberment of your family, She cheated and lied about it , UMMMM no brainer here.
You are a good father, a damn good one and do not let her make you think otherwise.
Her driving along in the car with them fighting with you is dangerous....you should definately address that fact that she had those boys in the car listening to all of her crap while driving down the road....not acceptable.
Wish I could give you a real hug, but know that I am thinking of you...have you been getting out much?? email me if you need to.
Take care
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Thanks for the kind words, Irish. I hope you all are doing well.
The more I think about xW continuing to say the things she did whilst driving our S's down the road, and with no effort to shield them or distract them elsewhere, not headphones, no DVD, no nothing to take their attention off their mother's harsh words... the more I feel so bad for them.
There was a point where I briefly thought of asking her, "I hope the boys can't hear what you're saying right now, can they?" But I didn't pursue it. I guess I was still a bit too blitzed from her verbal assault.
It's like she doesn't care anymore, or has any shame. Or that she just has this severe myopia when it comes to her own wrong-doing. She has seemed to always try to provoke me when our S's were in my presence, so she could paint me as "angry" and "combative". That's why I have learned to never let her bait me like that, especially in front of S9 or S5. But where she is concerned she doesn't seem to worry, like she thinks no one could possibly think her actions or motives wrong.
I don't know.
All I do know is that I cannot trust her to shield our S's from her own words and deeds. So no more telephone exchanges. This was not supposed to have gotten so offtrack, but it did.
As for myself, have I been getting out much? No, not really, not this week. Not as much as I would like. I did go to another bible study / dinner/ social gathering with friends on Saturday. And of course there was the time with my S's on Sunday.
But not much since then. I've been too harried by work. They're acting pretty draconian with us, more so than usual of late, demanding involuntary overtime, with no compensation. They've gotten so majorly hardline with me in the last few months, I can't figure out why. They now have placed restrictions on vacation and other PTO hours. All my peers are feeling the pinch as well.
I've been with this company for over 8 years, but I'm thinking it might be time to move on. I don't know.
I get the boys back tomorrow evening. Saturday we have a big hike with the cub scouts -- that should be fun. I also bought a new bicycle for S5 (since I accidentally trashed his current one during the apartment move -- the darn thing just popped off the bike carrier while cruising down the highway, tore it up quite a bit.)
I want to hear how everyone else is doing too, especially you, Irish.
One thing I've learned lately is it's prob. a good idea to have a Plan B. I plan on working on getting my teaching certificate and being ready to get a teaching job if my current one doesn't work out. Always good to have options anyway. You could fix up your resume and just start looking around. A lot of websites even email you job openings.
I have been casually looking for several years now. But the change in tone here at work is starting to spur me to look more actively again. The souring of the economy hasn't helped.
I recall investing quite a bit in helping the xW change careers to her now lucrative one. Early in the M we were in agreement that I too would eventually need to take measures to keep my skills in my own career honed (especially being in IT) -- including my own return to school one day. Funny how we were never able to pull the trigger on that, becoming far too dependent on my own income for me to take anything less during an educational hiatus, even if part-time. It was never the right time for reciprocating the favor. Now another man reaps the benefit of that sacrifice (just one of many, I know).
Now I know how the first wives club feels. Heh!
Right now I am busting my tail at my current position and trying to raise two boys whilst taking an online class for mobile platform development. It is really difficult as a single parent, even on the weeks I am without custody.
I'm not complaining, just identifying things the way they are. I just hope and pray I can find a new stepping stone and get established upon it before this one sinks away from me. I have faith that whatever comes God will look out for us.
I think you're doing great, Karen, and the Plan B is a very sound plan. How's everything else?
I am around, just danged busy. I saw my two S's off this morning, they're starting their week with their mother. She'll have them for the holiday weekend, again.
Just when I think I can manage my time away from S9 and S5, thinking it's "only a week", I have got this heartsickness gnawing inside of me, seeing that I am not there with them as their father every day, like I feel I should. My sense of justice kicks in and I wonder, yet again, why a parent and their child are forced apart by circumstances they never bargained for. I again find myself appalled at the unfairness of it all. The insanity of it all.
I guess it's the holiday weekend that seems to magnify this feeling. I should be thrilled to have the time off, even if it is without my little ones to share it with, but I am having a hard time shaking it.
And to add insult to injury, tomorrow, the 3rd, would have been my 19th wedding anniversary...
I had thought us very clever to line up a wedding date so that our anniversaries would always be right before a major national holiday. My thought had been that we would always plan to have July 3 off and thus have the 3rd and 4th off back to back -- with two consecutive nights of "fireworks" every year.
Now? I am thinking that was a very stupid idea. Very stupid, all around. Any thoughts I have for the Independence Day holiday now automatically draw my mind to the M. If it had been on some otherwise non-descript day, I could more easily forget. <sigh>
(Let that be a lesson for ya', kiddies!)
I am trying to find out what some of my friends are doing this weekend, those I know will be bereft of their own kids as well this week. Perhaps some of us can do another cook-out or take in a ball-game. I need to do something to take this stuff off my mind.
Why aren't rotating holidays like most of us in this insane world? It doesn't matter whose week it is the holiday still gets rotated. Gee, I will be happy when D9 is 18 and we won't have to deal with this stuff any more...no more have to's.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's odd. The former spouse and I met on St. Patrick's day, one and three days after our birthdays, respectively. We were married a year and a few weeks later on April 10. So B'days, anniversaries of meeting and getting married were all muddled together.
As far as I can see, the longer I picked the wound, the more it kept hurting. Letting go of the crap, anger, fear, sense of helplessness.. setting boundaries all help. Even now I get tired when dealing with the ex spouse but it's easing.
Embracing that my whole life no longer centers around the divorce helps. Some things will never have an answer. But I can set my boundaries. The less I act like a victim, the less I am. The more strength I gain.
At some point the divorce gets boring. Same old, same old. Folks behaviors don't change. They're consistent. I can only control me. I ask myself, what works best for me and the kids. What keeps me healthy?
The more I let go of him (the memories, the flashbacks, the what if's, the growls) it's so much easier to feel good.
Let go of the hook, don't take the bait, and walk strong.
It is what it is.. only you can decide where to take it and how much baggage to carry.
