Mrs. A thank you! I am way more moody on this board than in real life....I mean I try to stay calm and collected IRL in front of people, no matter if I am angry or sad. So I get to vent here! And look like a crazy chick who is always on the rag! lol!
By the way, I can't help it...was thinking about Red's suggestion of having a male friend over sometime when stbxh drops off S! haha! Well I don't have ANY male friends because I purposely have avoided that due to bad previous experience (they never stay "just friends") and out of respect for my marriage-- just ME, am not saying ALL PEOPLE need to do that!
I guess I don't want to be tempted and I didn't want stbxh to be jealous. (He was the same with women UNTIL OW and I reluctantly agreed to "allow" it!)
Ok well a thought did cross my mind...and the whole purpose of this is just mild revenge/torture/self amusement....whatever. All I have to do is have a different car at my house one night when he drops off S or picks him up! I would just greet him at the door with S, and stay there, not open the door and talk in the entryway. He would definitely notice the car, and notice my behavior.
If he wanted to use the bathroom I would say "now that you live so close, can't you hold it?" NO! lol! I would say "ummmm...it isn't the best time actually..." IMPLYING he doesn't want to come in and hope he thinks it is due to the agreement we had made to not bring boyfriends/girlfriends around each other. It would just be my single mom friend, not a guy! But he wouldn't have to know that!
Last edited by newmama; 06/30/1004:44 AM.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Your questions are hard ones. For a long time, we are just separated, I would call H to ask about a lot of things or ask for help when S was sick, but H always responded rudely and never came over. So I stopped. If it is about S, I would say you should contact him.
With helping you move stuff, I would ask how will it make you feel. If it will make you feel bad when he leaves because you know you guys will get along, then don't do it. If you can keep it in your mind that you are just friends...then why not, but I would say keep him out of your life. Just keep him in S's.
For me, I do a lot on babycenter.com to check on things now or I call my grandma or mom because they already raised kids and know what to do...especially my grandma.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
It is just darn confusing. Am I supposed to pretend he doesn't exist? Or is it ok that I ask him his opinion/help on child rearing questions?
Ok another question I have...what about taking up his offer to help me with stuff? L
Do exes do that kind of stuff for each other or it not part of the deal? You know- like is that wrong?
SO please- let me know-is it ok that I communicate with him about q's I have related to S?
AND is it okay to accept his help? Thank you!
Hey, here's my take: it all depends on how you feel. if you think you can remain detached and carefree with interacting with him that way, then go for it. If it will create more angst for you, then wait a little longer until it doesn't.
I guess my thing is if it will be free help, I'll take it! But in order for it to really be 'free' I shouldn't have to pay for it with emotional turmoil later.
Just my thoughts; see ya!
me, 30 WH, 29 D born June 2010 M: July 2001 Bomb/S: 1/14/10 Done with it all.
Am I supposed to pretend he doesn't exist? Or is it ok that I ask him his opinion/help on child rearing questions? This is why I do want to get married again. Raising a kid by yourself is doable but it is DAMN HARD!!! So there is nothing wrong with me for wanting help! He gets to ask OW (barf puke moan!)
I would NOT ask him for advice. Does he know? or will he be giving you OW's advice? DO you really want her advice? Ughhh
There are too many books, sites, etc with more experienced advice. Health wise, I always relied on my pediatrician. Yes, I bugged his nurse endlessly with my first one! You are already educated in child development, and you have mother's intuition.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Ok I just realized something: I will be going to the custody class next week. I bet I can ask my questions to "the experts" and get their take, too. NOW just because I consult other people doesn't mean I follow what they say, lol! I like to have a variety of sources and if most line up, and it feels right to me (not what I WANT but what is right) then I usually do it.
WN I do know child development but more like from age 4+. Babies have always been a mystery to me! I was scared of this part of motherhood and the teenage part!
And what if I do something completely opposite of stbxh? Then what will S do or think?
But I must remember that stbxh and I did agree on most things about child rearing.
lol- I totally do not want OW's advice!! I have always wondered if it is her influence on stbxh when he has described doing certain things. I think I may even bring it up to him at some point. But thinking of it like this will help deter me from asking him!
And yes....believe me I am feeling free to do or say whatever I want at this point (bar from making things worse for S) and that means a positive side effect will be pissing off OW!!!!!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Down the road I really, really worry about how OWs and OMs will play out. My parents divorced. My dad didn't remarry until I was in college. He had a steady girlfriend for a long time, but I never stayed over so she was never in a position of authority.
My mom had two husbands and two live-in boyfriends the final 20 years of her life. The first one tried to do discipline, but that didn't work and we didn't get along. He didn't last long. The second husband left all of the stuff to my mom. I do remember arguing with him a few times. But I didn't really listen to him.
That was the same thing with the last guy as well.
The class I took suggested talking on the phone twice a week over what's going on. I'm not ready for that yet. I don't even want to hear her voice right now.
I hope by next year to be able to do that. I'm not sure what the trigger for me will be. I may never be able to talk to her, instead just sending email updates.
I expect to eventually remarry and I wonder how I'd handle her children or how my children would handle a brother or sister. Life is going to get so much more complicated.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
