I gave up...filed for D

[alice444]

Oh man, here you are!!! I've been wondering where your thread went. Sorry to not have been following, but glad to see your attitude and action taken. I think you needed to do what you did and although it's very sad, you're making all the right choices for you and your kids right now. I hope you have a great rest of your weekend, Luv--

((((( Luv))))

-Alice

[luvless]

Thanks for finding me alice - I've wondered where you've been too. Yeah it's been rough but I'm getting better. I really am. I am not done riding the rollercoaster but hitting the steep drops are easier.

I'm home now and had a great weekend with the kids camping. I have never been without him so was weird but I still had a good time. I only got sad a little when youngest son said dad was going to remove his tattoo (my name on his arm) that hurt like hell for a minute but I let it go. He always told me no matter what happened to us he'd never take it off....but then again he isn't labeled "The Liar" on my iphone for nothing!

Well...hard times are ahead so I have been getting a lot of fun and rest before it hits. Round 2 in the big D is next. Keep me in your prayers.

Luv

[luvless]

Hi guys,

I'm just journaling...I've had a couple of restless nights. I guess contact with X really gets to me. He's emailed me a couple times yesterday and he's coming to take the kids to dinner tonight. It's probably knowing he'll be around and it just bothers me.

I think it's really dumb to feel this way but I do. My daughter has been very depressed and had a break down yet again last night. She continues to say she doesn't want to live. I feel immense pressure and feel like running away. I am all alone in parenting. I believe this divorce has caused her so much extra angst.

Ok...I'm gonna try to make the best of today and I'll check back in.

Luv

[Gardener]

luv,
IC for DD.
Perhaps Family C for you, her and Dad??

[luvless]

Hey Gardener,

Yeah she needs to see someone soon. I don't know if that person I used to call my husband would agree to go.

I'm having one of those fun dips on the rollercoaster. It's gone way down. I feel so defeated right now I just don't know. My kids came home from dinner last night with their dad and told me, "mom..dad was talking to his girlfriend on the phone and he called her "honey." I got sad for a minute then I was livid thinking how could he be so insensitive to the kids' feelings. They don't need to hear that sh*t right now.

Then again we are talking about him....so I am having one of those days. I can't get over the betrayal so I guess I am still not detached. I feel so sad and so angry today. I feel like giving up - on everything. I don't know how much more a person can take.

I know these feelings will pass but damn do they feel overbearing right now. I don't want this man around my kids if all he is going to do is rub his "whorefriend" in their face. I felt bad to hear my youngest tell me about it. I know it hurts his feelings. I see my kids' face and they say, I wanted to say something mom but we just didn't know what to say. THAT is sad.

I can't help to think this is my fault. What they are going through is because I chose this incredibly selfish man to be their dad. I always knew he was. I wonder if he ever really was who I thought he was - I have never been so wrong!

Luv

[Serenity13]

(((((Luv)))))

My friend ~ I know exactly what you are feeling and it is painful and ugly and I am so sorry...

I just spent 5 days with my oldest telling me how great his Dad and FT are.

You know where to find me if you want to talk.

(((((Hugs))))

[idontunderstand]

Hi, Luv-

Just stopping by to offer what support I can.

I remember being chastised by someone here for saying once that this would be so much easier without kids. They said don't you think your wife can sense that? Maybe she can, but the fact remains that I don't worry about feeling like a failure. I don't feel that way anymore. I am worried about my(our)kids. I know I have to make it as easy as possible on them. Easy is pretty relative, though. None of this is easy of fair ON THEM.

I guess I'm trying to say I understand.

Continued prayers.

[alice444]

(((Luv)))

God, it's hard enough to drag ourselves through this, let alone see our kids suffer. I am SO sorry D is in that place and I hope you can get her help soon. Depression in teens is - well, you've seen it- a very unpredictable combination.

I'm so sorry about the references to the OW too- disgusting. He has just shown his worst side through all of this, hasn't he? I wish there was something more I had to offer you, but you're in my thoughts and for what it's worth, I think you've handled the most disreputable behavior in a classy way, which you will never regret and which your kids will remember and gain strength from. I was (and also married) a kid who for all intents and purposes was only raised by my mom even though dads were around, but they were nasty/uninterested. We both turned out pretty good and both admire the hell out of our moms (and did fine with ass dads). It's not ideal, it's not what we want for our kids, but you will get them through this and come out the other side. Probably seems impossible now, but it will happen.

In the meantime, there's a lot of people here who care about you-

(((Luv)))

[Bridgestone]

Hey luv,
Thanks for checking in with me. Things are going well for me.. I understand your 'rollercoaster' up & downs when contact is made.

As much as we liket to think we've detached and 'let go' .. giving them the power to push our buttons, little or big.. seems to be a struggle, for me at least.

I suppose it's history, bad habits, expectations.. whatever. I do find though that they are feelings and they subside, pass, change & become less intense with time & other focus.

I wish for you peace and strength as you keep moving forward to your new life.

snap & L8R
Bridge

[luvless]

Thanks you guys...I know....and Bridge nice to see you.

Yesterday was one of those days. I actually got some sleep last night and I feel ok this morning. I hope it will be a better day.

I hate to sound like I can't handle this because I'm supposed to be a strong woman (so everyone thinks) but it gets really heavy at times and I don't feel so strong.

I really appreciate the thoughts and prayers.

Luv