I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[ImprovedRomeo]

NM, your thread's moving so fast I don't know if my response will be outdated by the time I start writing and hitting Submit

Hang in there and I agree these men are a mess...not all men though

Oh I remember the praying and weeping the last time my stbx left. For what it's worth she did come back with lots of empty promises only to leave again...this time though no more praying for her to come back. Just for whatever's best for me and my DD...

[newmama]

...this time though no more praying for her to come back. Just for whatever's best for me and my DD...

Thanks Romeo! That is important. ANd covers A LOT!

About the fast paced thread-- some days I blab and brain dump on here tons!


Oh and my cainer horoscope. right on again, when I have been searching the internet and copying and pasting stuff here in my thread- you guys saw!:

The answers you seek, this week, aren't in books or on internet sites. You are dealing with an issue that strikes right to your heart. How can you possibly hope to stand back and see it from a wider perspective? Or to reach a better understanding through getting more facts and exploring more theories? The comet suggest you are being led by a very powerful passion. Is it right or wrong? That depends whether you are being motivated by fear, anger... or a genuine desire to do what's best for everyone you care about. As long as your heart is in the right place, every other part of your life will yet end up in the right place too.

[Babydoll]

He has told me he is not 100% sure this is the right thing to do. That nobody can *ever* be sure.

Is there a book out there for WAS's??? My WH says the same exact thing to me!!! All of the time!!! yet, if i say do you think we could ever work things out, it become "not right now" which means "NO" but dont shut me out of your life for my own selfish needs please!

[Babydoll]

Newmama,
my prayers were/are pretty much the same... always looking for a sign, a sense of detachment, or signal from WH, or unprofound courage that keeps me from my WH. I looked for so many signs, my head is still spinning! Every thing I feel and signs i see and all point towards, dont worry WH is coming around... except... (and this should make you laugh) I prayed a Novena to St. Jude (saint of hopeless cases, the impossible...) and on the 8th day you get your answer, and well in March, I recieved my D papers on the 8th day! Maybe I shouldve taken the hint then and stopped praying! lol. not funny, but it kind of is...

nowadays, I pray for stregnth to forget him. Ask God to make me strong so that i realize that i dont need him. to make me strong and know i can do this alone, and get through the pregnancy alone. Believe me, I've had my arguments with the big guy upstairs too... like why me... how could you? what about this baby? it got ugly!

told WH that this is God's will for me...

Have to believe in something!

[Babydoll]

And I am not banking on this divorce falling through...just want to go about my life and see what happens and KNOW "it ain't over til it's over"

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst ( i really hate that saying!). Go on with your life, and keep your head held high... if your WH comes back, make him fall in love with you and work hard to be a part of your life! I know you are smart enough to have a list of must haves to make the new relationship work! and good for you!

What is so hard for me, and maybe a bit misleading are all the success stories i hear of and read. Kudos to them for making it work... I am so happy for them. But at the same time, think that is the reason i can't accept my life as is. I have a few days where I accept the D and my life and then i meet some random stranger or nun or some other bizarre person who tells me their success story... and then I go back to... is this a sign from God???

[newmama]

These men are a mess I think. The more I am thinking about the stupid text y'day the more *something* I get. As if that is okay to send such a message.

yes they are a mess! (the WWs, too!) Because "no one in their right mind would treat you like that" Sound familiar? Well that's what people say all the time. And they are right!

[newmama]

if your WH comes back, make him fall in love with you and work hard to be a part of your life!

I know what you are saying, but if he comes back, he will need to make ME fall in love with him!

I know you are smart enough to have a list of must haves to make the new relationship work! and good for you!

Yep and it's a pretty short but important list.

What is so hard for me, and maybe a bit misleading are all the success stories i hear of and read. Kudos to them for making it work... I am so happy for them. But at the same time, think that is the reason i can't accept my life as is.

Yes, I feel the same way! But then, why are these other people on the DB forum, who are gently telling us to let go, not being moved by those success stories? You know? I think "why am I hoping and so and so has moved on and accepted her life"
So what makes some give up and others keep fighting????

I have a few days where I accept the D and my life and then i meet some random stranger or nun or some other bizarre person who tells me their success story... and then I go back to... is this a sign from God???

IMO the REAL signs are loud and clear, like what you just described. I remember the stories you are referring to (from your thread) and they are sure "uncanny!" too strange to ignore.

But I guess I don't look for signs so much...I think I am better at feeling or hearing the answers. I would read into EVERYTHING way too much if I were to look for signs-but that is my personality!

[newmama]

was getting S ready for bed and I realized I might have worded this wrong:
why do some give up and others keep fighting?

The question should have been what makes some decide to let go of the rope and others to keep hanging on?

[courageous wife]

Hi NM! You do have a lot going on in your thread the last couple of days!

Dropping the rope is about letting go and letting God really...dropping the rope does not mean that we are giving up! We are moving forward with our lives but still having hope for our R's.

Hanging on is when we cannot emotionally drop the rope and it is not good for us...it makes our WAS's pull away even more...think of the R kinda like a hangman's noose, the tighter the "noose" gets the more the R gets strangled and the more the WAS wants out of the R...

[Babydoll]

why do some give up and others keep fighting?

The question should have been what makes some decide to let go of the rope and others to keep hanging on?

Maybe b/c for those of us hanging on we know that our marriage is worth fighting for! because we truly believe that you, me, us LBS and our WAS (in their pre-alien state of mind) do have the love and passion and friendship and drive to get to the next step. It's because we have a strange voice/urge/signs/calling/something that tells us NOT to give up!

For me it's the nagging voice in my head and my heart that will not give up even when the easy and logical thing to do is give in and let it ride itself out! In my sitch i feel like my WH shows too much confusion, as your WH recently said to you regarding the D papers, too. Are we naive to believe that maybe we could be a success story on here... dont we deserve to be? Shouldnt we give it a chance? If we walked away and took what was handed to us so easily wouldnt that make us as weak as our WAS, who left us instead of fighting through the feelings?

It doesnt make us bad people to still have hope... does it?

When the world says, "Give up,"
Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."
~Author Unknown