If your W is requesting a lump sum of money instead of the actual furniture you can let her know the $$ value of furniture is figured by: purchase price - 16% per year, each year.
TAKE THE OFFER TO KEEP THE FURNITURE AND GIVE HER A LUMP SUM. YOU WILL MAKE OUT MUCH BETTER!!!!
Unless your furniture is all brand new she will only probably get a few hundred dollars and since she requested it this way, it's all good!
If your W is requesting a lump sum of money instead of the actual furniture you can let her know the $$ value of furniture is figured by: purchase price - 16% per year, each year.
TAKE THE OFFER TO KEEP THE FURNITURE AND GIVE HER A LUMP SUM. YOU WILL MAKE OUT MUCH BETTER!!!!
Unless your furniture is all brand new she will only probably get a few hundred dollars and since she requested it this way, it's all good!
Thanks CG, the only problem is that some is fairly new and was fairly expensive. My reply that I am working on will state that we agreed that the furniture would NOT be included in the assets discussion and that we had decided mutually to split it up. She has already received her very large check for half the assets and she is now trying to get even more money because of the logistics involved in dealing with the furniture as she prepares to move 1000 miles away.
I don't believe that she has a storage space and I also don't believe that she will stay there for just the summer so she is trying to be "generous" by letting me have the furniture and her being compensated for it. I'm going to call her bluff and if she wants to come and take some of the furniture and store it while she is gone then it will cost her money to have what she wants. The check I gave her back on March 5 is all the money I am planning on giving her. I now have to take care of me and the kids and the home that they grew up in and that they can come back to anytime and know that they will feel safe and loved.
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Here's my first attempt at a response. I am not thrilled with it but that is why I am posting it here. Any feed back?
Hi W,
When we started the divorce mediation process with DM back in January we did not include the household furniture in with our assets because we had agreed that we would divide up the furniture between the two of us when we each had a place that could fit some of the pieces. Just because you have decided to move back to Illinois, I don’t feel that I should now be forced to come up with additional funds to compensate you so I intend to honor that original agreement.
Of the items that you currently have, only the TV (which was a gift to me from my bosses) and the tools and tool box should be returned to me or you should compensate me for them. All the rest of the items you have can be moved with you, put in storage, sold, given away or thrown away as you see fit. Currently the family room at my house is filled with our daughter’s things from them both having moved back from college so I don’t have a lot of room. You are more than free to bring any of the things that you don't want to store to my house and put them in the garage and then they become my property with no compensation given to you.
If there are any furnishings in my house that you would like you can let me know and once I agree to let you have them you can take them with you or store them or sell them as you see fit. I feel that I have provided you with plenty of money to start your new life and that I have the responsibility of taking care of me and our three children while you only need to take care of yourself so I need all the money I have to provide a comfortable and safe home for us.
Things of a personal nature at my house (i.e. photo albums, memorabilia etc.) are free for you to take. I only ask that you provide me with a list of what was taken. The only other thing that I request is that OM not come into my house.
Ken
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Thanks CityGirl for that very well written legalese!
I did go ahead and send my original one tweaked a little bit at 11 yesterday morning. W read it at 2 in the afternoon and sent the following to the Divorce Mediator at 11 last night (DM had been CCed on all the e-mails between W and me).
Hi DM, Now that Ken and I have each had an opportunity to speak to this issue, do you have any suggestions as to how we can move forward? Sincerely, W
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Received the following from W at 11 p.m. on Saturday night. It seems to be missing a lot of the niceties of the last e-mail from her and almost has a passive aggressive tone. I wonder why that is?
Ken,
I will not be moving anything back in to your house. I will just keep the older furniture but I expect the rest of the set including the other lamp, other end table and the matching cocktail table.
I would also like the living room rug, the chalk drawing of the kids, one of our two HD tvs (I currently have the small one- given to us from your employer-if you'll recall they were going to give me jewelry as I was working there quite a bit - but they chose the TV for both of us instead); the Christmas tree; Pfaltzgraff dish set, some figurines, scripts, campaign memorabilia and books still left in the bookshelves and filing cabinets.
I will take the photo albums and scan them in and send you the files of the years before we started getting them on Costco CDs, and when I can afford it will have the Hi 8 and VHS home movies converted and will split the cost with you if you wish to have a copy, otherwise I will just return them by December 2010.
MIL, SIL and niece arrive on Thursday and will help me carry out anything I need to move out of the house after the girls have left for Florida. When can we come and spend at least a couple of hours going through the area under the stairs (Christmas stuff)? I need a time frame from Friday afternoon-Saturday afternoon in which we will be welcome to come. (OM will not be with us and will not enter your house) I may need some of the tools to move out but will return the tool box before leaving town.
W
Anything I should include in my reply?
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Well, this past weekend was "abandonment" weekend. Friday W, MIL, SIL and niece came over to the house to get her things that she wanted. D19 and D20 were home during all of this with D20 making sure my W only took what she was supposed to. W spent most of the time crying and trying to suck D19 and D20 into her drama but they would have no part of it. I was very proud of them.
MIL told two stories from the past to paint me in a negative light to D19. Not sure why she did this (justification I assume on what a bad guy I was) but it just reminded me how W and MIL can remember the negative stuff with such detail and the positive stuff not so well. What is up with that?
I guess OM stayed out in the truck the whole time. W asked D19 why she didn't want to meet OM. D20 had gone out the night before and finally met OM. D20 describes herself as indifferent to what is going on. Her parents are not getting D, two of her friends are getting D. She changed her phone from saying Mommy to W maiden name when she calls.
When I got home everyone was gone and it was sad and surreal to see the things that she took gone. Talked to the girls later that night and W even came back and met the girls outside to give them cards and gifts before they headed out to Orlando the next day. Both girls are very angry with her and feel abandoned by her but also know that talking to her about it wont do any good so they don't say anything to her about how they feel. I really wish that they would try to tell W how they feel.
W had asked D20 when she could come back the next day and D20 told her that it was in the e-mail I sent her. Later that night W asked D20 again when she could come back the next day. D20 called me to ask and I told her and she let W know. What was that all about? Why couldn't W just go to e-mail to find answer? What kind of game was she playing?
Saturday D19 and S20 left at 6:20 a.m. to drive to Orlando (1800 miles) in two days. I had IC appointment in the morning and rehearsal that afternoon so I was able to stay away from the house when W came back. D19 and D20 were worried that W would try to take more things that they stopped her from doing the day before but I didn't think so. Don't know if OM came with her to the house but I don't care.
IC went really well and C said that I am still doing things right and was very pleased with how I handled the furniture issue. She said that I had been showing loving detachment even if W doesn't see it that way right now. Said that I have done nothing out of spite or bitterness and that I had been very loving in how I was handling things. That made me feel good.
Got text updates from D19 and D20 all day Saturday and Sunday on their progress and they got to S24 by 9:00 p.m. Sunday night. D20 was flying home the next day and said that she had a ride home from the airport. I asked her who and she responded with W first name. I asked if she meant her Mom and she said "yes and no". So sad!
I thought W was leaving town on Sunday but evidently not. On Monday got an e-mail from W saying that she had taken all the photo albums but had forgotten to take all the home movies/video tapes. I told her to take what she needed and to have a safe trip and best of luck and she replied back and thanked me and wished me a good summer.
So I thnk that W is actually leaving town today. This happens to be the first anniversary of my heart changing for the better after I found out she was dating first EA last year. Of course it is bitter sweet that it is on the day that W is moving 1000 miles away for at least the summer. The kids and I all think that it will be longer and W is one of the few who think it will only be for the summer but she is in denial.
Not sure what will happen going forward but I will be fine and hopefully thrive in my new life and be the best Dad I can be to my kids. That was something else my C said. The kids may not have a Mom right now but they have a Dad that they have never had before and that is a wonderful thing!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Now that she's taken what she needed, you should change the locks.
Kudos to your young ladies, Ken. I have two daughters just about those same ages, and I can relate. They will come to you when they are ready to talk more -- just let them know you are there for them, and love them, and -- as big as they are -- that this is NOT their fault. Don't encourage them to tell their mother how they feel, unless THEY bring it up.
