I tried, I changed, but still am getting divorced!

[newmama]

Wait, Mrs. A--where you live, if you don't want the D, then you can stop it?

But I see your point. Let me know if I am understanding correctly. If you are the one who stops it, but your H still wants it, then what is the point? Like HE needs to be the one to come to that conclusion?

I mean I was thinking along the lines of "set them free, if they want you, they'll return" when I just pushed stbxh to OW and then dropped my pursuit of D last year. I mean I was thinking "if he chooses me out of obligation, I will live with a resentful, unhappy man who won't show me affection or give me the love I need and deserve, no matter how hard I try. I want him to WANT to come back so that he will be motivated and put in the effort to rebuild our marriage."

Although....interesting...IF he is divorcing me out of "obligation" to OW...then he will resent her, right?

[Mystik]

Although....interesting...IF he is divorcing me out of "obligation" to OW...then he will resent her, right?

Ooh, good point. Maybe not immediately, but as the relationship fizzles that will be one more strike against the OW.

[Mrs. A]

NM, I CAN'T stop it. There's not a thing I can do to stop it.

But the lawyerly people involved in our case think I'm delusional enough to think I can.

That's why I was so pissed.

I understand the legal process. It's not complicated.

What I wish is that THEY would understand the emotional process!! But why does it seem like everyone involved in hearing divorce cases is happily married? I know that's not true, but it sure seems that way!

So the reason I was mad is that the JA told me the same exact thing she had said six weeks earlier - like it didn't sink in the first time to my thick, lovelorn skull! Yes, I know damn well that I can't stop Mr. A from divorcing me, but I am NOT going to say that I agree with it or that it's all for the best. That's my boundary.

[Mrs. A]

Sorry for the semi-threadjack, NM!!

[Mystik]

I wish that it was a law in all states that a couple must attend marital therapy for X amount of time before the courts can grant the divorce. That would probably save so many marriages.

[WhatNow]

Yes, I know damn well that I can't stop Mr. A from divorcing me, but I am NOT going to say that I agree with it or that it's all for the best.

It amazes me to think you should just bend over if YKWIM. You may not be able to stop it, but why would you make it easy for them?

2nd time today, I am going to refer to teenagers! That is how teens tend to think. (I have 3 at home, and 2steps that are older and 1 MLCer) For example, DD18 wants to move in w/ her boyfriend. I don't feel that is best for her right now. She is an unemployed college student. She says I can't stop her. No, I can't but I will not make it easy for her by continuing to pay for her car, gas, insurance, cell phone, internet access, clothes, food, and so on. She can't understand why I don't at least cover her car and phone! arggghhh

Sorry that turned into a rant...

[newmama]

Mystik, that's a good idea! And they need to make it harder to get married, too--like require people to take a course on the stages of marriage, emotional needs of spouses, conflict resolution, predictors of divorce, impact of divorce on children and something in there about how EAs develop and eventually turn into PAs. Maybe these would be best at the marital counseling required before divorce though since we get married when we're high on love endorphins!

[newmama]

fyi--finished packing 2/3rds of stbxh's stuff. so anti-climatic. Also, I don't feel closure. Denial is a river in Egypt.

I have enjoyed some Bud Light Lime...yummmy! Instead of listening to music, I listened to a recording of 20/20s special on Michael Jackson.

So weird that it was a year ago---I was 5 days away from my due date. stbxh had moved back in and was staying in the spare room, all "just in case" I go into labor. I remember buying a bunch of magazines about MJ to take with me when I went to the hospital on July 5 to be induced.

[newmama]

Mrs. A---of course you can share your stuff on here! All of "our stuff" ends up relating after awhile, you know? ANd I will share some of my stuff on yours because I relate to what you say!!!

[newmama]

I know I am posting a lot but any comments about my child custody class? take it or postpone it?