Sadly, yet another innocent pastry has been taken in the prime of its life.
Late last night, as I've just about channel-surfed my way into the proper mental zone for entrance into the Chamber of Sleep, yonder comes the tentative slap of bare feet on hardwood, The Boy Himself carried along by them, crying and wakeful because he's haunted by the image of himself as he was told his mother was leaving us (a year ago this coming Sunday).
So he talked and cried a bit, and I stroked his hair and patted his shoulder, and when I asked him, as I always do, if he'd shared these feelings with the mother in question, he told me, as he always does, that he hadn't.
So I had him call her, right then and there, and lay it on her.
Which p*ssed her off, apparently, because she was on a date.
"Oh well, too bad, so sad," as They Themselves like to say.
This evening, it was the Girl Herself's turn: Mommy says divorcing you was the best choice she ever made in her life, which means it was better than choosing to be our mother!
Well, well, well. So I did my thing -- can't speak for your mother, etc., but if I had to guess, I'd be pretty sure she meant best choice about her situation, but that she really thinks it was only the THIRD best choice of her life, after you and your brother, blah blah blah. But that's not what she said!
Well, sweetie, your mother has lots of special qualities, but I have to admit she's never been really all that good at making herself clear (he said, chuckling demonically to himself because Boy, Howdy! ain't that the truth?).
Then I posted a little message about kid talk on the website, asking her if she wouldn't be so kind as to reinforce for Themselves that the Wonderfulness of dumping me pales in comparison to the Wonderfulness of being their mother.
"I use the word, 'reinforce,'" I added, "because I have complete confidence that you've already told them this plenty of times, but maybe you just haven't found the words that will make them really get it."
A "one of those days" day today. Themselves are still a bit off-center owing to these dumb-a** things STBX says, plus we were doing our photo album, and they were reminded of things from pictures we took at the ocean a year ago today - where I'd taken them to avoid having to watch their mother move out. And so it occurred to me that, if it's been 365 since STBX moved out then it will be 500 days since she dropped a bomb on me this Tuesday. And yet we're no closer to closure today than we were then. Who said time flies?
500 days on, things I still don't get (and probably never will):
1. How do you not understand that when our children relate that you're still seeing "your friend" in Upstate City -- that being the only "your friend" you have there, Signore Schmuckatelli, unto whom you chose to cleave outside the bonds of wedded matrimony to me -- I find that to be a paradigm case of Adding Insult To Injury?
2. Since you're the one who wanted the D, since you're the one who filed for the D, since you're the one who moved out, since you're the one who has said, inter alia, you
don't love me anymore
have no attraction for me as a man anymore
have built a wall against me
just want your freedom and your bliss
love your freedom
have you bliss
think divorcing me is the best thing you've ever done
intend to bust my b*lls in court
are reminded every day just how right you were that we never had anything
think a complete stranger on the street would know you better than I ever did
are thrilled you can finally explore your sexuality
can't wait for this to be done so you can get as close as possible to forgetting I ever existed
then, um, what's up with the b*tchy attitude and the anger and the hating-on?
Why aren't you happy that you're getting what you've so often said to me and dozens of others -- including our children! -- that you want more than anything in the world?
3. Why, after enlightening to me as to the various and sundry yee-haws enumerated in #2, above, do you then expect me (a) to believe you when you say you
regret it turned out this way
feel like you'll never have love in your life again
know that no one will ever love you the way I did
feel so sad that you had to give up on someone you loved
wish I had been able to read your mind so that this never would have happened
feel so much darkness in your life
and (b) expect that I would care even if I did believe you?
4. How is it you can't understand why, in light of the various and sundry enumerated #2's and #3's, I really don't care to have a "nice relationship where we get together from time-to-time?"
And, above all,
5. How do you not understand that I didn't turn handsprings last fall when you said,
(a) "So I understand you've started seeing someone. Well it's either her or me" (which I was apparently supposed to understand meant you were coming back or thinking about coming back or thinking about thinking about coming back or coming back to thinking about thinking about coming back or something),
just 1 week after saying,
(b) "If only you had just let me go and be on my own for awhile to explore and find out who I am, everything would be different,"
when (b) translates -- by your own admission -- to "If only you had just let me go and f*ck around with a bunch of men until I got it out of my system, everything would be different,"
because I might actually have thoughts about the idea of your "explorations" (and for what? 6 months? A year? 2 years?), or, worse, maybe even feelings about it? And that I might not be the same person in the same place at the end that I was at the beginning, even though you seem to assume that we were all just supposed to suspend our lives while you went walkabout?
Or was I just supposed to be the bigger one? Or the rock? Or the source of stability? Or the stoker of the Home Fires to be kept burning? Or all the other things that, apparently, were perfectly splendid reasons for leaving me in the first place?
Does Not Compute, Will Robinson; does not compute.
SP, like mindfull your #2 is where STBXW is at too. So thank you for writing it. I've saved it as a draft email that perhaps someday I'll launch at her when the timing is right lol
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
