It IS bizarre but part of the addiction, I'm afraid.
Before I realized there was something going on, my WH had OW pet sit once (we were on vacation) and babysit once. I later learned he sent her Victoria's Secret stuff in thanks each time, which she accepted. I threw up when I saw the invoices. She hasn't been in our house since.
Ken, I'm with Allen. Put a stop to this NOW. No contact means NO CONTACT with OM, OMW, OM kids, NOTHING! Don't let her pull the "but it's just a harmless little birthday party!" card. There IS no justification for continuing to harm a marriage.
This is the actual letter I used. Most of the ideas in it came from Allen. I sent it to many of OM's FB friends and many church friends:
"[OM] is pursuing my wife to have an affair with her since July of last year. My home that was once happy is now wracked with tension, stress, and guilt. My wife and my children are miserable. I ask that you support my wife, my children, and my home and press [OM] to leave my home and family alone. This is a terrible thing to do to innocent children.
Thank you in advance for your help."
And most of the people I sent it to are supporting me, but there were a couple who doubted the truth of it. I just explained it to them in more detail.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Today was actually a pretty good day by comparison. My wife was interested in going to church with us (a different church because of the embarrassment of the exposure I did in our regular church), but my older daughter threw a fit saying she wanted to see her friend (who unfortunately is OM's son) and so W stayed home and I took the kids to church. Ironically, the OM's son, who is also the one who had the birthday party, was not present because he was sick, but OMW was there and I spoke to her a bit and recommended Penny Tuppy's stuff to her.
I don't think W communicated with OM today. But when I checked her cell phone, I discovered 14 messages from OM in the past month and I did listen to them and it almost made me want to vomit. He kept saying, "I love you" or "I miss you" or even "I love you, I love you, I love you". One message was about good lawyers he found and another was about apartments he found in her price range. I'm telling you, this nut is in hot blind pursuit of my wife and won't let up and won't stop no matter what anyone tells him. I also took liberty to forward several of the messages to my phone.
W went for a drive with us this evening when I took the kids to a park. She still sleeps on the sofa, but at least she is being cordial around me. I haven't touched her for about three months now and I don't really strike up many conversations with her, but I do answer her when she talks to me.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
W went for a drive with us this evening when I took the kids to a park. She still sleeps on the sofa, but at least she is being cordial around me. I haven't touched her for about three months now and I don't really strike up many conversations with her, but I do answer her when she talks to me.
From her, this means nothing. Do not read anything into it. Because of this:
Quote:
I discovered 14 messages from OM in the past month and I did listen to them and it almost made me want to vomit. He kept saying, "I love you" or "I miss you" or even "I love you, I love you, I love you". One message was about good lawyers he found and another was about apartments he found in her price range. I'm telling you, this nut is in hot blind pursuit of my wife and won't let up and won't stop no matter what anyone tells him.
Why does she save them?
Quote:
I also took liberty to forward several of the messages to my phone.
Forward them to OMW as well. Gotta wake that woman up!
I am concerned about the fact you are still enabling a relationship between the kids. Let it drop. I edged friends out of my kids lives over the years, for many reasons, (dad was a drug addict, Mom allowed R rated films for 8 year olds, etc) The kids' parent pursuing my spouse would have made it on that list as well. You do not have to explain anything to them or they'll resist. Just be busy when it comes up. "Sorry honey, we are going to another church now (so Mommy can join us") Ok leave out the last part, but cool it! (If you give in to "fits" you're asking for major trouble in a few years!)
I am glad things were more peaceful for you today. Sorry if I rained on your parade.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
I discovered 14 messages from OM in the past month and I did listen to them and it almost made me want to vomit. He kept saying, "I love you" or "I miss you" or even "I love you, I love you, I love you". One message was about good lawyers he found and another was about apartments he found in her price range. I'm telling you, this nut is in hot blind pursuit of my wife and won't let up and won't stop no matter what anyone tells him. I also took liberty to forward several of the messages to my phone.
Ken, I'm so sorry! I know this is very painful.
Yet...you said in an earlier post that when your WW told you she was going to move out and you said, "I'll miss you," she came back that night and asked what it would take to make the marriage work.
It sounds like she is VERY conflicted. She likes the attention from OM, but it sounds like he's pushing her into this rather than enticing her into it. If she really wanted to go, she'd be gone.
I say continue to be friendly but also maintain the distance. Continue family activities without her. If OW keeps hounding her like this and you remain calm, cool, and collected, his hot pursuit is going to wear thin fast.
As for the cell phone...I don't know who your provider is, but since your WW refuses to get a new number, perhaps you could block OM's # so they can't call each other. Just a thought --
Ken, take the phone to OMW and have her listen to the messages... This woman is deluded... I can't believe someone can be that naieve and wreckless in protecting her own children...
Don't just forward her the messages... take your phone to her house and make her listen to them... For all you know OM may check his wife's phone and just delete anything you forward...
I will probably share those messages with OMW if I see her in church in the next week or two. WhatNow, I will probably start going to a different church soon, but it's a long drive and my daughter is scheduled to sing in a week.
My wife seems to be talking to me more lately and this morning I said, "I have an idea for what you can get me for Father's Day...oh, never mind." And she said, "No, tell me!" So I told her about some cologne's that I like, and she looked them up online and then went out shopping with the older daughter today. And I don't think she has spoken to the OM so far today. So I'd say that today is going fairly well so far.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
