Things That Matter

[bright_new_day]

I have learned...if it's urgent they will leave a message. i rarely have conversations with my X. The recent one regarding the kids activities included him boo-hooing about beng a part-time dad. I really have no time or desire to listen to that! LOL

[NoCodeBlues]

Just wanted to say thanks to BND. I commented on your thread on your sitch but wanted to acknowledge it here. We all are born with the ability to shoot ourselves in the foot, but the WAS seems more prone to that, don't you agree?

[NoCodeBlues]

<vent>
I wanted to just get a brief vent off my chest. Mostly to get it documented somewhere besides all the other obvious places.

S9 has a growing eating and weight problem. I think I've mentioned it before. I trying to do my part to ensure that he eats as healthy as possible while he and his little brother are with me, but it seems to becoming an uphill battle. The weeks they are with their mother, she now feeds them atrociously. I cannot believe she can be so utterly stupid. Constantly feeding them deep-fried foods. Buys them heavy desserts and empty calories that some might consider to be cruel and unusual punishment.

I'll give you a couple of examples just from this week. This weekend while buying them ice cream from the 31 flavors place she also picked up boatloads of donuts and other pastries. They had donuts of various assortments morning time and after dinner for dessert. Not only did S9 get a jelly-filled donut after dessert, but also a slice of cherry pie too. And as if that weren't bad enough, her new husband had fried them all a dinner of french fries and pork nuggets! Pork nuggets! As if deep-frieing otherwise lean chicken wasn't enough, they had to start off with high-fat pork instead. Might as well put breading on lumps of lard.

I know and understand many people have problems with their diet. I do understand. But this is, to me, absolutely ridiculous! My arteries were clogging up just thinking about their diet these last three days!

I know there's really very little I can do to combat what xW and her Jabba the Hutt husband feed my kids when they're with them. The mother can almost do no wrong in the eyes of the court, right? So I'm trying to keep my peace about this. But it impacts my ability to parent my sons when they're with me. Oh, of course, the boys have come to love their high-fat, high-sugar, overindulgent diets. It's gotten to the point where my S's are dissatisfied with much of what I prepare them now by contrast. I try to reward S9 for choosing healthier options but it is a constant struggle.

Heavy weight tends to run in some members of my family, especially on my father's side. I was somewhat overweight myself over six years ago -- until the doctor prescribed Weight Watchers (as a preliminary solution for Sleep Apnea). My kid brother was the one in my immediate family who had the serious life-long weight problem -- until he had a heart attack at age 36. And then he started seeing the light himself. For my youngest brother, who now suffers Diabetes atop everything else, to see pictures and video of S9 today and to make comments about getting his nephew's health back in order means a lot coming from him.

I don't really know what to do. It seems every time I see S9 a week after his mother has him, he looks even more heavy. (And it's hard enough keeping clothes on a growing boy without all this unnecessary stuff.)

I can mention it to the PC, but I can predict he'll say that as long as the children are "happy", there's nothing for him to do. Seems to be his canned answer to everything now of days.

And I'd try to involve the pediatrician, to see if she might raise a flag about S9's growing weight problem. But she had plenty of opportunity during their last physicals in January -- and if the doctor said anything then, xW surely has ignored her.

I don't think I'm overreacting. In fact I am amazed at how emotionally restrained I feel about this, despite the ache in my heart about what this is doing to the long-term health of my S's. What can you do?

[karen43]

I think you have to let go of what your S' are eating at your X's. Something you don't have control over. Do what you can, like mention to your PC, and then let it go.

Just like everything, I think it's important that you model healthy lifestyle/eating/exercising. The job I have now makes you realize how important it is to be healthy. I directly see every day people that have been severely impacted by obesity, smoking, and/or drinking. Motivates me to not wind up like that!

How are you finding out all this info about fried foods, donuts, ice-cream, at your X's house? If one or both of your sons is going on about this; I think it would be good to change the topic. Just relate to what is going on in your house. I also think if your X and Jabba continue to eat like that; they're going to have health problems soon, and your S will see that too.

Prayer can't hurt either. I'll add this to my list...

[NoCodeBlues]

Thanks, Karen.

Yes, S9 likes to mention what he's had for dinner when I call to ask him and his brother about their day. He enjoys talking about the things he loves ... And food is one of those things.

I'll just have to let it slide and continuing to pray about it.

[Gypsy]

How about increasing the amount of exercise the kids have with you, to help counter the indulgences with mom. Even playing a round of HORSE is movement and is an easy way to be altogether.

[NoCodeBlues]

Hi, Gyps. Yes, I can try to do what I am able. Increased exercise is certainly better than less in most cases.

[bright_new_day]

NCB - one thing I have come to realize is that until ther eis actual physical harm (in your son's case it may be medical problems) then there isn't a whole hell of a lot we can do. It is sad when the X can't seem to put the children's interest before their own need to be the fun parent. In my son's case it is overindulgence with video games. Homework doesn't always get done, sometimes showers are also missed....but dad is his buddy cuz they play video games together. Ugh

[ClingingToHope]

My D11 has hit puberty and is getting curves and a tummy. This winter I signed her up for a swimming team but she stopped going because it was too hard -- and STBXW was no help. She never once took her to practice or a meet. It all fell on me.

I harped on D11 for a bit then I remembered the fights my dad and I would get into after the D about me not practicing baseball enough.

It was frustrating for him because he wasn't there every day anymore. I resented being told what to do. I was a teenager. I was more interested in friends and girls than practice by then.

Back to D11, I stopped harping and she's seeing things on her own. She doesn't like how she looks in clothes.

Now, I don't want her to develop a complex. I just want her to grow up healthy. And at my place, she doesn't eat after 8 p.m. We go swimming all the time. I try to get them up off the couch doing things. I buy lots of fruit to eat and water to drink. We never order pizza. They can only have fries once a week.

All you can do is give them a positive example. I weigh five pounds more than my high school graduation weight. STBXW outweighs me by 20 pounds and keeps looking for the magic diet or exercise machine to turn the tide. STBXW is just lazy when it comes to exercise. Two times she got down to size 2 and a size 4, but then she let herself go.

I think it's sinking in. She asked me to sign her up for a basketball camp this summer. I really think she'll start running with me a bit -- which will be hard because it means we have to leave D7 alone for 15 minutes or so.

Still. She's following my lead without me having to harp on her.

[bright_new_day]

I think it's sinking in. She asked me to sign her up for a basketball camp this summer. I really think she'll start running with me a bit -- which will be hard because it means we have to leave D7 alone for 15 minutes or so.

Why not have D7 ride her bike along with you?