ACJ, it may sound "horrible", but it is true. I have gone through this myself with my two elder daughters. And, I told them that it was not fair for them to impose their poor choices onto me and H and the kids I was still bringing up. All worked out in the end, but it was hard to tell them "no" to certain things they wanted. So, stick with what you can support them in, go with your gut, and don't let them emotionally blackmail you. There is only so much one mom can do. (If I were them, I would put the baby up for adoption, but it should be their choice. You could, of course, present options to them --- I did, to my oldest daughter and she chose to keep her baby and marry the father, but he was in a stable career and 20 years old. It is so sad how one poor decision can impact ones life forever.)
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
They have just told me that they have finally decided to terminate. In this case I think they have made the right choice but appreciate that not everyone will see it that way.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I am so proud of YOU standing your ground when it comes to your kids. They come first to you, as well they should. I am sure it was a difficult decision for them to make. Kids playing grown-up can lead to so many problems. I have told my 2 oldest, unless you are ready to be a Dad, don't have sex. Enjoy being a kid.
Lots of hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
It's just a sad situation, and I'm sorry for it. It might be best if they were to break up now-- your son is way too young to be so involved. Maybe this will be his wake-up call.
I predict this will be very hard on him, judging from the strength of his attachment to his little sister. How is he dealing?
Was he even able tell his *sshole dad what was going on?
This situation will not see them split up. S17 has already been out and bought a gold and diamond necklace to show her how much he loves her. In normal circumstances I would think this was a good thing but deep down I know this is a toxic R and so I am less than pleased.
As for telling XH they have decided that now they have made the decision to terminate he doesn't need to know. I'm especially angry about that as it means that yet again they are letting him get away with shirking his parental responsibilities when it comes to my children. I've said as much but S17 just wants an easy life and he knows he won't get one if he tells XH.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Bad as this sounds, it really is true: Their Dad and the kids are responsible for the relationship that they have, be it bad or good. I tried to be the go between and ex thought I was putting words in their mouths. It just led to me being in the middle and getting hurt from both sides.
They all will hopefully get it together somehow. On our end it is still a work in progress as my ex doesn't understand why the boys still refuse to be around him and his fiance/former affair partner. He is actually sounding rather sad when he mentions it, but hey that is between all of them. Not my mess to help him figure out.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I agree Kat that the R kids have with their 'missing' parent is thier responsibility especially when they are teenagers like mine. I just get angry b/c it's always me that has to deal with the 'grown up ' things and him that up until recently just got the fun side.
D15 is supposed to be staying with him this week but I think she has spent no more than one night there. Tonight she and 6 friends have pitched a tent in my garden to celebrate D15s bday (which was last weekend) and her friend she has known virtually since birth who is 15 in a few days time. D15 asked XH to borrow his tent and he said yes but they had to use it at his house. She knew OW would complain about the noise 7 teenagers would make whilst having fun so a third friend got permission to from her parents to bring her tent here. Those of you who have followed my htread for some tme will know that this is the second time this scenrio has happened. So XH clearly has learnt nothing!
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
What is his problem --- it's just a freaking tent!? He sure is pushing your children away.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
BM you are so right. S17 had an interview for a job on Tuesday. XH knew. He phoned today (Thursday) to see how it went! S17 had just come off the phone from the company telling he had got through to the next stage of the selection process. XH had picked D15 up from my house on Tuesday why coulnd't he have knocked on the door and asked his question then? As I understand it XH and S17 have still not arranged to meet up to sort things out. So that will mean since March 14th S17 has seen his Dad once and that was when he turned up with all S17s possessions in his car and refused to help him unload them.
I did have to laugh tonight though. D15 gave S17 his 'present' from XHs & OWs holiday. It was a large bar of chocolate with cherries and nuts in it. Nasty european chocolate at that Think if it had been me I would rather they hadn't bothered.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Think if it had been me I would rather they hadn't bothered.