Well, I guess I'm still "still out here." I haven't been back in awhile, and today I got an email notification from an old thread I had subscribed. That teaching job I mentioned last time ended today, and I have a pretty good shot at being brought back for summer school and then a permanent position for next year, so I'm happy about that.
My marriage has taken off since I wrote last. My wife started losing weight, which made her feel good, and began taking regular "girls' nights" about once a week, usually on a Saturday night. I rearranged my on-call time so I could stay home with the kids on those nights, and she would go out and dance with her friends and drink a little and just forget about being the responsible one for awhile. She started smoking again, which doesn't overjoy me, but I just make it clear that I don't approve and then leave it alone. She'll quit when she's ready.
Anyway, a routine to these nights out developed; she would go out for girls' night, I would have a fun night with the kids and go to bed, and sometime in the wee hours she would come home, take a shower, and come slip into bed naked and wake me up for my "girls' night." As you can imagine, this makes your husband eager to watch the kids and let you have your girls' night out.
And then, somehow, it all came together for her and she started to act like what we would call "HD" here. She stops me in the house to give me long, deep kisses. She initiates sex. She tells me what she wants, and she listens when I talk to her. She rarely says no to sex anymore, and it doesn't seem like she's doing it for me. She takes a real joy in making love now, and we've both gotten a lot better at it somehow. Practice making perfect, maybe.
It takes me back to Dancing Queen's thread where she talked about a woman needing so many things in her life to be positive before she could really be in a position to have a high sex drive. I know my wife gets more depressed more easily during the winter. I know her job was squashing her. I know the kids were unbearable (we're doing some things differently there, too.) I know she hated being overweight. I know she felt overwhelmed by all those things at once. Now, maybe not.
I even went dancing with her again, and we had a great time. We can't do that as often as her girl nights because we need babysitters to do it, but we'll do it again. I gave up trying to do anything right and just moved as much as I could as close to rhythmically as I could. It doesn't really matter what I do, anyway. I'm just there to watch her dance if the truth is told. She really is beautiful.
I have to share this: she looks so good when she dances that she was propositioned by a couple about a month ago. Not something I think we'd seriously want to try (the more you think about it, the less sexy it gets) but it was interesting.
Great day today; I was offered the job I wanted. This means better pay and benefits than I had at the job I lost, and I like the work better in many ways. It's further from home, but as I said before, it means I get off work near my range, the library, BJJ schools . . . . I joined a 24-hour gym nearer my home this week so I can get back on track on getting into shape.
We had a dispute over that and a couple of other small issues relating to working out--centering on who asked who to work out together, discouraged who to join which workout . . . that kind of petty junk. I feel pretty good about it, though, because again we were able to have it out and talk about what was wrong, and when it was over we both felt better. A year or two ago, I would have brooded over it. I'd have been irritated at first, then angry, then furious, but I wouldn't have brought it up to her because I'd have been afraid that she was going to burst into tears and wail about how awful she is. (And she would have done it, if I'd decided to test the theory.)
Congratulations, I am so happy that things are going better for you!
I appreciated your (and others) advice and kind words when my marriage seemed so tenuous. It is nice to know that good things can happen and that you and your wife are able to work things out.
Have a great summer.
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
Thanks! We're going to try. My wife is going out for another girls' night tonight, and I'm hoping for another one of my "girl nights" when she gets home. But either way, I'm going to finish some yard work, put together my new table saw, and dig out the channels for cement pads under all the fence gates (the war to contain my dogs, who should have been named Hogan and Newkirk, continues apace.) Then I'm going to start a fire, cook dinner over it with the kids, drink a beer and smoke a stogie and study for my EMT test.
Life is really pretty good.
The new gym is driving me nuts. I have to go during their staffed hours the first time, which are narrow windows, but after that first time it's a key club and I can go in anytime I want, 24/7. I should have called, but I didn't. Last night I had the choice of either going to the gym or getting the lawn mowed, and my son was planning a yard sale for this morning, so I mowed it. This morning I got ready and headed out, only to find a sign on the door: "No attendant on duty Sat. June 12."
and dig out the channels for cement pads under all the fence gates
I just dug a little and dry packed cement (the kind with stones in it) for this purpose: just poured dry cement, spread it out with a shovel along bottom of fence, and then sprayed with a mist until it was moist enough to set up. Seems to work well enough, and not unsigthly.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I did not. The thunderstorm put a stop to it. So we ordered pizza and assembled the saw . . . and now I really ought to study for my EMT test, but I think we might take a walk to the park first.
Well, I passed my EMT test, which is a good feeling. Now all that's left is to finish clinicals and take the state test. I passed the class final with 90%, and it takes 70% on a similar test to pass the state certification, so I'm confident, but it's a month away, so I have to keep reviewing.
Our anniversary is this week, and I had a pretty good plan--I was going to surprise her with a trip to the nearest big city. We were going to drop off the kids with my sister, take the scenic route to the city, see a play my wife has wanted to see since it was on Broadway, and stay in a nice hotel overnight.
But all that aside, it hasn't really been a good couple of days. Last night, her grandmother went into the hospital, and the short version is that she's not expected to recover. All plans are in limbo; my wife is driving four hours by herself to say goodbye tomorrow. One of my sons was upset that he couldn't go with her, but I'm not going to force her to put up with his behaviors by herself when she's already strung so tightly, and he really doesn't understand what he's asking to be part of--driving eight hours round trip to spend maybe 15 minutes in an ICU room looking at a woman he'll hardly recognize in the state she's in. It's not going to be a fun visit.
