" I have been doing some thinking and THIS is what I have decided. I have decided that I am not going to live this way anymore. I am filing for divorce."
You are still being weak when you ask them what their intentions are and when you tell them they have a choice to make. That STILL leaves it up to them and makes it still come across as you are just patiently waiting around. Don't do that anymore. It hasn't worked.
It IS NOT only his choice. Never has been. He has had more than enough time. It is time to take the choice out of HIS hands and tell him what choice YOU have made. Makes a total difference in what happens. Be decisive. Don't live this way. It really isn't worth it. Life is too short and waiting around for them to "decide" rarely, if ever works.
Do I have the balls to say it? Yes. Do I mean it right now? Not yet.
Am I detached? More than ever.
I'm close to this, honestly, but not all the way there yet.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
One of my favorites is "Husband, let me ask you -- what are your intentions regarding this marriage?"
You might also get deer-in-the-headlights, but I think it forces him to be a little more specific than the "work at it" one. He may, for example, a month and a half from now, in his DAM-ness say "Well, six weeks ago, didn't I invite you for a motorcycle ride? Wasn't that 'working at our marriage'??"
Puppy
Mostly I get I don't know and its one day at a time.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
One of my favorites is "Husband, let me ask you -- what are your intentions regarding this marriage?"
You might also get deer-in-the-headlights, but I think it forces him to be a little more specific than the "work at it" one. He may, for example, a month and a half from now, in his DAM-ness say "Well, six weeks ago, didn't I invite you for a motorcycle ride? Wasn't that 'working at our marriage'??"
Puppy
Mostly I get I don't know and its one day at a time.
Then I would say:
"Then I will say this only once, (Husband). 'I don't know' isn't an acceptable answer for me anymore. If you can't do better than that, then I guess I HAVE my answer."
And then walk away, and forever drop the rope.
You've been at this WAY too long, Wifey. You deserve so much more.
I love you very dearly, Puppy. However, only I can determine when I am done. I am close, but not done.
Me 45, H 46, S 23, M 26, Together 30, Bomb 6-2-08, S 6-19-08; H left 12-29-08. H home 12-09, Still MLC in 2012! Me- I have my big girl panties on. Bring it.
Being done and dropping the rope are two different things. Love your husband enough to let him go. Let go of the outcome.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I love you very dearly, Puppy. However, only I can determine when I am done. I am close, but not done.
Oh, I completely agree, Wifey. What I'm trying to say to you is, don't say that needing a definitive decision from him is a boundary for you, if it isn't. I'm just saying to treat "I don't know" as basically a NEGATIVE answer, have that BE your answer, and then determine how much longer you can live with that AS your answer (1 month? 3 months? A year? No longer at all? Other?). And to LET YOUR HUSBAND KNOW that you consider "I don't know" to BE an answer from him, and that you'll have to plan accordingly.
Wifey, I'm sorry this has all come to where it is for you. But I'm reading a strong, determined, last-straw Wifey and I'm glad for that - and admire it.
And this:
Originally Posted By: TheWifey
Mostly I get I don't know and its one day at a time.
Not to decide is to decide. I say he has decided but lacks the, um, testicular fortitude to say it.
You sound good despite it all.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
