ST, if your W is depressed, withdrawn and questioning everything about her life it may be a MLC. We all go through Mid Life transitions, it's when they go haywire that it goes to crisis mode.
For a chance in having your M survive do yourself a favor and get to the MLC board and see if anything there resonates with your W's sitch.
If it is a MLC it lasts a long time. There is NOTHING you can do to fix her. She must come to the realization that it is not external factors (You) that are causing her unhappiness, but from issues within, and to get through it she has to resolve them.
You can't make it go any faster for her, but doing the wrong things can make it last longer. It's a journey that she has to make by herself.
She seems pretty happy to me, at least on the surface. Off to Vegas for friends wedding, visiting folks, and out for dinner with friends, is her current MO.
She spent months going to our room right after work and then staying up there living through her blackberry. I thought I should give her space...oops...I screwed that one up.
Even last night she was out on the floor dancing with our daughter and others and having a grand old time. I just felt like weeping. Sad I know...GAL...I know, but the combo of kid aging, what kids are going to have to face, (wife thinks it will be no big deal), and my family disintegrating was just depressing as hell.
Anyway, I am heading out tonight and even if it is miserable, I am going to make "as if" it was a wonderful night.
You are quite the find SA...thanks for your input.
No ST, you did exactly as you were supposed to. You gave her the space she wanted. Pressuring them to spend time with you/family pushes them further away.
Do you know if your W is involved in an EA/PA?
It is script that the WS thinks it no big deal that the family is broken up and that everyone will just get over it. It helps them justify what they're doing and helps relieve guilt. They will not be able to outrun it though as it eventually catches up.
ST, go out tonight and just have fun. Let your cares fall away for a while. It will be what you make of it, it's your choice.
You're welcome and thanks for your kind words. It's been awhile since anyone has thought of me like that. lol
I think she had an EA with an old flame. (via Facebook/Blackberry) If there was a PA, they were quite good about keeping it secretive, but then again, where there's a will...
Would love to squish blackberry with a steamroller. That little gizmo represents alot of hurt.
I am new to this board, but i can sympathize with u ST and had to reach out here. i absolutely detest facebook as well. i discovered the EA and prob PA in 3/09 which apparently went on from 11-12/08 to 2/09, tried counseling for the past year w/ limited, minimal success. wrong counselor? thought we were making some progress b/c @ one point she actually said ILY, but then she dropped the ILYBNILWY bomb about 2 months ago! we still live together w/ our 5 (!!)children (aged 14, 12, 8, 6, 4). have been reading DB/DR in hopes of finding pearls of wisdom. first and foremost, i think its' patience. like SA said, she is not thinking straight. i am no innocent creature. i have my faults. we all do. it is about doing those 180s and striving to GAL. can u imagine her line that she "thinks the children are old enough now" to potentially withstand the rigors of a divorce? man o man. i have no intention of moving out of the home. u have a stake in the family as well. focus on the kids, that is what i tell myself. focus on myself. become stronger and more independent. it is hard to keep it going sometimes but what choice do we have? i have come to appreciate the wisdom of members like SA as well, and i keep coming back to the board periodically for it. i saw another member who also recommended not obsessing over the board either. sometimes it can be too much. but hey, it is nice to know that we are not alone. stay strong amigo.
hey ST, how times have changed. dunno if u still post here, but take a look at my sitch in infidelity. ha. forgot all about this post. can u imagine if i knew then when i posted to u that my wife was most def deep in EA soon to progress to PA? wow. i read that post and just marvel how stupid it actually seems.
