You wouldn't have even had to open your mouth, you could have sat there like a statue. The guilt is in your H. He will feel it just by looking at you. Depression and guilt makes them look like they do.
After the feel good hormones wear off, I don't think it will be very pretty with your H and ow. She's left her children and H. Between the two of them the guilt will be so thick you could cut it with a knife. The stress and guilt felt by both of them doesn't bode well for a long term R.
Go to the Dude Ranch and have the time of your life with your D. You deserve it. It will be interesting to hear how many times your H texts you on this trip.
Thank you glamgirl, lalxx & SA - I know that I didn't do very well today....It's so hard when I'm in business with him, I have no choice but to deal with him, there is no one I can use as a go between....
After a day like today I don't even want to see him or talk to him...I wish that I had that choice....
I have another dilemma...I'm supposed to go away for the weekend to see our family friends. My D was supposed to go away with a friend and her family...that just got canceled...I asked WH if she can stay with him but no OW is coming.
D doesn't want to go with me, "it would be boring". I told her that she must, there is no other choice. So she talked to my H telling him that she doesn't want to go. He just called me and said that she can stay with him Friday night and that she can be at home alone for the following two nights and that he will supervise.
I told him that I don't want him here while OW is around. He said that he won't bring OW in, that I should be reasonable and don't object to this to get back at him (What?) and not to force D to come with me. She is 16 she can be at the house by herself with his supervision.
Am I being unreasonable? Do I just go and leave my D here with him coming and going as he pleases, who knows if I can trust him about OW not coming here. If I go I'll be worried about D being alone & about H being in my house with OW. I can also force D to go with me and have a miserable weekend with a grouchy teenager or should I just stay home. Grrrrr
Last edited by Mila; 05/18/1011:16 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, does D have a friend she could stay with for the weekend? If D comes with you, could she bring a friend?
Personally, after what you've been through lately, I would not be comfortable with your H's solution. I would not trust him to supervise while OW is around, nor would I trust him to keep OW away. Further, while I don't know your D, with all of the recent upheaval in her life, I would not leave her without reliable supervision right now.
I'm so sorry for the direction your situation has taken. This is all so hard.
{{Mila}}
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Thanks Twink & SA I don't trust him at all right now
Just had a talk with daughter, she said that yes she did call WH to ask if she can stay with him, she told him "Daddy OW can stay in a hotel" LOL, he of course said that she can't and that D can only stay one night...shows you his priorities. D also said that he told her that he wouldn't bring OW around the house. D said "good I don't want to see her".
Anyway, I had really good, mature discussion with D. Told her that I don't feel comfortable with WH coming & going and I would be very nervous to leave her alone and maybe I should stay home. She said, "Mommy, you know me, I wouldn't do anything stupid, I'm almost 17, I can take care of myself for 2 days". I said that I know and that I trust her but I worry too much. She said "You can call me and text me all the time and we can see each other on Skype". She is right. When I was her age I was already away from home in college...having my own place with bunch of other girls...I was much more independent then she is now. Maybe I should stop being a mother hen and let her do this....After all I can call her every 5 minutes LOL. And in the case of emergency there is always WH to call on...or my friends.
I'm actually considering it. It's just the two of us girls now and we have to learn how to do this on our own. She has been too protected by us, she needs to learn some independence. She definitely deserves my trust more then her dad right now.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Mila, what would have happened if during your meeting when H was pushing buttons you had simply stood up and said "I don't have to take the abuse" and walked out?
Just wondering if it would have taken back some of the power he had over you in that meeting.
I would not leave my SD alone at 16, but she just turned 16 and calling is not the same as being there. Does she have a friend she can stay with?
I'm actually considering it. It's just the two of us girls now and we have to learn how to do this on our own. She has been too protected by us, she needs to learn some independence. She definitely deserves my trust more then her dad right now.
Mila, what a great convo with your D! You still know what's comfortable for you and best for your D, but it sounds like she understands your concerns and will be just fine. When my Ds were her age, I tried to find times when I could allow them independence while they were still under my protective wing if things went wrong. This might be just such an opportunity.
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
Meeting with your h must have been difficult.Your h is in a bad place. I am sure there will be many more ups and downs like this. Remember to detach as much as you can.
As for the weekend. It sounds like your d can handle it so go and have a good time and call d as much as you want.
Also good job on the dude ranch. Yes do go and enjoy time with your d. You are right that you and d have to make a life for yourselves and get used to new routines.
