W is now on OM3...I am doing well. We had a MC session scheduled for Thurs.; I'm tempted to confront W prior to the session, but doubt I will. I also dont want to waste 125USD on a session for no good reason at all.
Still getting script and I don't knows...I do know. And IF I can't have her on board, there is no use in me limiting myself by remaining M.
W has not sought treatment for drugs- I dont care who you are, you don't just stop b/c you say you do- YOU face massive consequences and beg for mercy.
I feel well- I am over "wifes name" but not over the concept of a W, if that makes sense.
I am to meet w/ L in 2 weeks after a vacation w/ my family...I see no real reason to go to MC, except to make it perfectly clear what I'm willing to do differently in the M.
W has already denied the existence of OM3, so more lies...I cannot deal w/ anymore, as it makes me want to vomit.
I would not even think about OM3. I would continue to focus on your healing and growth. You are not responsible for her issues - she owns them. You own yours. It is that simple.
The feeling of wanting to vomit is normal. You are still dealing with the hurt inside of you. This is why you really need to work on healing dude. This is going to take time.
Personally, I would go to MC, if for no other reason but to show her what she is missing. Show her the new Jasper. Show her the growth that Jasper has made. Will she return? Who knows - but maybe just maybe you will inspire her to turn her life around, which at the end of the day is really the right thing to do.
You say that you do not know her...your right...just remember that she does not know her.
Always do what is right buddy and leave the rest to God.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Thanks all- My family is starting o influence things a bit more...they are growing tired of nothing happening (D)...there are many financial issues that are being neglected by W...on top of that, she lies about it. There are two L's on the side lines waiting- two diff issues- one cannot start w/o the other, so that's the problem.
W goes to IC Wed, and possibly MC on Thurs. It's her first IC w/ a new C- I know first hand of her ability to lie to a C, so I see no real progress in her own IC...
No crystal ball here, but certainly W could use IC to hear what she wants to hear...as that's the pattern.
More will be revealed.
There is an OM3, but they are, you guessed it- "just friends."
Sounds SO familiar- I'm wanting off this ride for good, but have found some ways to just let it amuse me rather than rip my soul from me.
I'm doing well and have really formed my own life again- I'm applying for school again and am trying to seek out some part time work...
Recent script- "I cant go on like this, I need closure; I can't imagine going back; I just don't have those feelings for you anymore; I can't even picture myself starting to date you again; there's just nothing there anymore; too much has happened...blah, blah, blah."
Those things used to gut me, now I just shrug them off...at this point, I would have a harder time feeling the way I should about my W.
I could still muster it b/c I've not once not considered her to be anything but my W- still I don't very much like who she is as of today and the last 8 months.
I also know the expendable thing in my sitch to W is me...she has many hangers on and only W and I know the truth:
R/M was never terrible we were great friends we do have much in common W's business destroyed our time together effects of OM1/2/3 the lies told the drugs etc,etc
W would have to do an about face on all these fronts- and risk her "reputation" w/ her friend and family...she's already done that w/ me and my family, so why not just walk away...
Very sad that she did this the way she did...
Oh- for fun- when W was "sure" she was done a few months back- I was at my lowest, W says-
"I'm moving on- to better things...don't you want me to be happy?"
I also know the expendable thing in my sitch to W is me...
This is your hurdle man. How does that make you feel? This is what comes through in your posts and is why you "fall" evrytime she tries to draw you back in. You are still consumed with this question.
If everyone (her new friends) knew the truth would you feel better?
Why give that power over to someone? All this talk we spend time on about focusing on YOU is because you are the only thing you can control. She has made choices. HER choices. They only hurt her.
If you were further in your journey you would understand this. You would stand in the middle of this pile of crap with NO self doubt because you took a path, a harder path, to push through the pain of her choices and came through the other side self reliant and confident in who YOU are.
I know these are just words right now Jasper becasue you haven't experienced this to know what I am saying.
You haven't fully detached and you won't until you can say you feel no pain at her choices.
Own up to your mistakes and try not to make them again. Look in the mirror and make changes for YOU. Have NO expectations except for YOU to be a better man.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
I had a bit of a revelation- seeing that what I mentioned is definitely the case- How does it make me feel?
On the one hand I know it does not matter- that I am expendable to W...I am only saddened that the M did not work out. For many months I self destructed and went into a deep depression over this (the feeling of being left and worthless- I embraced much more than my share of fault).
Today this is not the case- I have owned exactly my share of fault and do not wish to act it out again in any R or M.
You haven't fully detached and you won't until you can say you feel no pain at her choices.
Quote:
Own up to your mistakes and try not to make them again.
Quote:
Look in the mirror and make changes for YOU
Look at the quotes above...think about them...absorb them.
Dude - You are expendable to your W - maybe (are you sure you know what EXACTLY is going on in her head). But the real question is are you expendable to YOU. Who are you Jasper? What does Jasper really want that can be controlled by Jasper?
As I have moved down this journey a few things have become very clear to me...
1) I own my own issues and fixes - ME no one else. No one these boards, just me. 2) I decide what I do in my life - ME no one else. 3) I decide when I move forward 4) I will not live with regret over another persons actions 5) In order to "make it" - I need to go through it 6) I am responsible for my own happiness 7) I am not responsible for fixing every one else sh*t 8) Here a hard one....I may never understand the reason why some people do the things they do. Quess what.... 9) This is not my issue 10) When you detach you allow yourself the space YOU need to really examine who you are. Are you co dependant? Do you feel that you are worth less than YOU really are? Are your thoughts about yourself tied to someone else opinion about you?
Jasper - I have said this to you before my friend...you have handeled yourself with a class and dignity that is commendable. Now take back your power my friend and keep on the journey this is.....BECOMING THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jasper, wow this sounds exactly like my sitch. Down to the stuff your w has said to you.
Hats off to you man, it is tough to see someone you love do this to themselves and the fact that if you would have just been given the chance you would have moved mountains for her.
Keep your head up and I'll pray for you.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
UGH- W and I went back and forth I failed miserably-
Left W a nasty message- stating she let OM1 eff up our M, then her friends...that she was dead to me...
W-My truth is I want a D, has nothing to do w/ friends...when can I get my stuff... M-u owe 6k in mortgage debt and I want one of the dogs W- lol...actually u r responsible for half of my debt...haha M-funny I am the one w/ the money and you aren't W-u wouldnt know that what a great husband u r...u mean your parents have the money? M-that bought u your business? Proof it wasnt based on love... W-sorry u couldn't meet my need, there are plenty of men that would take care of me financially. M- proof thats all u were interested in... Sorry for what I said, I'm angry my W gave up on her M- u deserve to be happy W- so let her be happy, end of story M- we both know u wouldnt know happiness if it were staring you in the face M-keep running, I'll love u no matter where you stop...serve me so I can love someone else
Ugh
I know I didn't do well..W had IC today, I knew she'd cancel MC tomorrow- I left her veil, and all our wedding things at the barn, she's better at throwing things away than I am-
She claims she'll file tomorrow- I hope she does so it's on her and I can move on w/ a clear conscience- I feel I can but dont want to be the one to file first.
