Zen, I'm sorry you find yourself here. I totally get the whole "afraid of losing him" thing. It is a process and it takes time, be patient with yourself and when you make mistakes, learn from them. Just keep going, and remember to post here and we'll help you with advice.
From what I've read and I'm no expert there isn't necessarily and age or sex for MLC. It can happen. I was warned though by either my IC or someone on the boards from refraining from attaching MLC as a label (or give your spouse that as an excuse). That said oftentimes one of the activities of an MLCer is a EA that may lead to a PA. They do it to feel good about themselves again as they are aging and having a hard time coming to terms with their new being.
Again, I'm not an expert. I believe my husband has classic MLC symptoms although through much C it appears more narcissistic tendancies. But really it is all jacked up if you ask me. He had the EA which turned into a PA (unprotected with a women with HSV2). No conscience whatsover.
Anwyay, I hope that helps.
GDH
Let the sideshow begin....
Me 44 H 46 S 13 D 11 Married: 17 Dated: 7
Bomb 7/1//08 ILUBINILWY 2nd Bomb 4/3/09 I'm Leaving You 3rd Bomb 11/2009 - The 3 YR Affair is discovered
Sons graduation. My family visiting for 10 days. He is behaving. It was a bit tense with the family around as they are aware of the situation.
I think he is going thru withdraw. Does anyone have information on withdrawl (stages?).
I have noticed lately there has been several folks who are returning because of the affair reigniting. This is a concern for me because H and OW work in the same office but on different areas and no longer with each other.
I checked out Penny Tupy website. Interesting reading. I recommend it.
Without a stern no-contact letter sent, a GOOD transparency plan set up, and GOOD marriage counseling with a therapist trained in infidelity, I would guesstimate the recidivism rate of affairs is well over 75% -- perhaps as high as 90%. I'm including in these figures the recurrence of an affair with someone other than OM1/OW1.
Hell, even WITH those things in place, it's a rough row to hoe (but it can certainly be done). Without them, the odds are stacked greatly against you. Physiologically, ANY contact -- even negative contact (say, an argument) -- with the OM/OW sets the "withdrawal clock" back to 0:00.
