This is a new thread for me as I think the other one went as far as it could.
I have not initiated any contact from my w for about three weeks but she contiues to do so as if nothing is wrong.
She walked into my house again to drop off a mail box key and found some journnals on my dresser drawer. Her name was on the top as if I was writing to her but i was never going to send them, just journalling and trying to sort things in my head.
The gist of these letters was that I could not believe she would put herself ahead of our boys, that all problems could be salvaged with understanding and by following The DR.
At the end I got kind of nasty and basically wrote, Go to Hell and if there is a hell, she is on her way. Mind you I would not want her to read this letter.
She also came in earlier that day raving about this new house she found and how excited the kids are about it. Well, I am not responding as i am NOT AT ALL HAPPY that she has found a house and I think its a tad insensitive to be raving about in front of me.
I could have put on a big act about it not bothering me, but she sees through me anyway. Then she notices i am wearing my wedding ring again and makes a comment about it. " Why are you wearing your ring?"
I calmly take it off and toss it down the hall. Immature I guess and really no excuse. It was a kneejerk reaction.
She sends me this message today that i don't understand her at all and that she did love me but can't love me again or anyone for that matter. That she wants me to be happy and apologizes for ruining our lives. But she can't try again.
I think she really means it this time but she is always concerned what i am doing. I was at a conference last week and a mutual friend said she was angry that i was staying overnight and concerned if I was going to the bars to "Pick UP".
I just wonder if its really over this time. She still seems confused but is convinced she will be happier on her own.
Her best friend swears that there is not another man as she has asked her repeatedly. All her best girlfriends are friends with me and I am tight with their husbands and they insist that she is not involved.
Maybe she is just done with me and wants to move on. It does still hurt but i am trying to GAL. I have plans to hang out with a girls that i met recently, but just as friends.
Also, as cliche as it is, I have enrolled in a motorcycle class and intend to be riding by summer. Something I have always wanted to do.
I know I am the only one to answer this but do i keep holding on? Have any of you been in worse situations where it worked out in the end?
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Sorry to hear this NL. Wish I had the answers for you. I know that this is hard for you and I think the biggest problem you have right now is that you are not ready to let go. I know that I was there a few months ago and only recently was able to detach and let her go and work full time on me.
Best of luck my friend!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Yeah, the letting go part is really tough; especially if you are not really 100% convinced that is what she wants and nobody can ever tell me its best for the kids.
I have episodes where i really feel in my heart that letting go is the best but then i feel it isn't.
BITS M-46 W-42 M-16y T-19 y s10 s15 BombDec.19/09 Sep-F16/10 Sep Papers signed by W- June 30/10 Recon July 5/10 PA foundOut- Oct 30/10 Mental HospNov/10 moved out Nov/10 Leg Sep Mar 15/11
Sweet that you are taking a Motorcycle course! I've been teaching them for years and its a great way to meet new folks and just do something different for you.
Keep detaching, if possible, and don't be drawn in by her constant need to keep in touch. My sit is similar but I'm sure my W is done. But who knows with a WAW? As I have found out the hard way you can't believe a thing they say !
BTW: D will never be better for the kids unless there is physical/sexual/mental abuse
You seriously need to stop talking about your wife to HER friends and to "mutual friends"..
That is "girly" of you. You do know that everything you are telling her girlfriends and say to them is getting right back to your wife don't you? You do know that they tell you they will keep the talk private but don't really do that don't you?
This is making you look very weak. Very weak. Discussing with her best friend again and again whether she is having an affair. You DO know that her best friend would lie for her don't you?
Everything you talk to her friends about gets right back to her. Count on that. If you don't believe that then you don't know women at all. You are not in no contact if you are having conversations with her friends. Again. That is feminine behavior. Unattractive. Stop it. I would bet that they are secretly sick of you talking to them about her and are scared to hurt your feelings. You are not in no contact if you are talking to them. It is almost the same thing as talking to your wife directly. Count on it.
Quote:
I was at a conference last week and a mutual friend said she was angry that i was staying overnight and concerned if I was going to the bars to "Pick UP".
Quote:
Her best friend swears that there is not another man as she has asked her repeatedly.
Quote:
All her best girlfriends are friends with me and I am tight with their husbands and they insist that she is not involved.
You seriously need to stop talking about your wife to HER friends and to "mutual friends"..
That is "girly" of you. You do know that everything you are telling her girlfriends and say to them is getting right back to your wife don't you? You do know that they tell you they will keep the talk private but don't really do that don't you?
This is making you look very weak. Very weak. Discussing with her best friend again and again whether she is having an affair. You DO know that her best friend would lie for her don't you?
Everything you talk to her friends about gets right back to her. Count on that. If you don't believe that then you don't know women at all. You are not in no contact if you are having conversations with her friends. Again. That is feminine behavior. Unattractive. Stop it. I would bet that they are secretly sick of you talking to them about her and are scared to hurt your feelings. You are not in no contact if you are talking to them. It is almost the same thing as talking to your wife directly. Count on it.
Yup.
I made this same mistake and regret the hell out of it.
1 : to become turgid : swell 2 a : to walk with a proud gait b : to walk with a pompous and affected airtransitive verb : to parade (as clothes) with a show of pride
I could have put on a big act about it not bothering me, but she sees through me anyway. Then she notices i am wearing my wedding ring again and makes a comment about it. " Why are you wearing your ring?"
She seems hurt, too. Why not try to slow things down instead of speeding off to a D? Look for opportunities to become a better spouse and open doors back into your lives instead of shutting them because you think she wants it.
If I had acted based only on how my W acted, ignorning the possible 'whys', I would've gotten nowhere. Instead, she and I are in IC and working toward hope. Imagine she's that student with a emotional disability code...you loved her in the past desite that code. Give her time to come back to you.
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