Its over according to her. Rollercoaster continue

[ninelives]

Hey Guys:

Been really busy these days so not much time to post. There was some confusion from my earlier post. I DO NOT talk to my w's friends about the sitch. Their husbands are telling me. They also say that even though they are good friends with my w, they think she is making a big mistake and want to see us back together. So I am NOT pressing them for info or being girly.
(Not that there's anything wrong with that, a person's sexual preference is their own business)

I went to another conference and made a number of connections with collegues I haven't seen for a year. Becaue I have lost 40lbs and cut my hair a little , evidently I look like a new man and was approached by a collegue to get together. Good for the ego. I did have a mild flirtatious, highschool petting type rendevous the other day and Man is that wierd. Feels like I am cheating.

Still want w back but the pain seems to be fleeting. As I said, very busy planning a track meet for our highschool district where i am the Meet director and also taking care of the final details of our sep agreememt and purchaced a Motorcycle. A susuki Gs 500 and enrolled in the course on May 28 ( her birthday)- till May 30 ( my birthday)

Also , cute peron in my town has called and is interested in getting together for drinks. She is 35 and I will be 46.

Hard to believe that I was soooo down and out a few months ago.

She called about the sep. for a few more details before signing and she has bought a different house.

I said well done, time to move on and she said " IF thats what you want" I just shook my head and really wonder what goes on in that pretty little head of hers. I said " You really don' know what you want do you?" " She said, No, that she changes her mind every week" Lost of people around town have told me that she looks haggard and worn out and contiunes to lose weight.

Oh well, I KNOW i will be OK no matter what.

Thans for all the support I have gotten from you all. It really helped me get throught this rough patch. Cant say its all green grass now and like I said , I still think I want her back and want it to work but if not , I believe she will be the one to beat her head against the wall down the road."

[ninelives]

New Update:

She posted a new pic on facebook, one that shows her bare back and her tatoo. I simply commented a previous message with
"nice tat"

She was very upset with that and when we talked about the kids later that day she said, " I dont appreciate your sarcastic remarks about my profile pic" I said " take it as you will, i just said nice tat"

When I saw my s14 later that day, he said he was embarassed by the profile as she has some of his friends and my s10's friends as her friends. So they can see her bare back with a tat.

When we talked today ( about the kids) I did say " BTW, do you think its a good idea to have your bare back as your profile pic for your kids friends to see, Remember , you are a mother first"

She said, " she had already taken it off and that she didn't see it as a big deal as she is proud of her tat"

I said " just think of your kids first and i am not here to lecture you but what are you thinking"

She is having tremendous arguments with her mother now and are saying nasty things to each other and my w even overturned a table in her rage. I made a comment that she should try and stay calm with her mom until she moves into her house on May 30th.

I even made a comment that she is my ex wife and she quickly said , " I am still your wife" But she is really not acting like it at all. I am worried about her especially for my kids.

She will never hurt them on purpose but i don't want her to tarnish her own reputation in this small town. Especially since i do want us to get back together some day. Why? I don't know for sure but the good person I married is still in there somewhere but is hurting so much that she continues to make bad choices.

Thoughst?

[TimeHeals]

i don't want her to tarnish her own reputation in this small town. Especially since i do want us to get back together some day.

It doesn't matter what you want. Part of healthy detachment is letting people live their own lives, make their own mistakes, and dealth with the conequences without you feeling like you need to rescue or help them.

Let it go. You are trying to control something you cannot control.

I can understand why you might even be embarrassed if you think of her as a reflection on you, but you have to let that go too. Her actions are only something she can control, and they are no reflection on you. Your actions reflect on you.

[ninelives]

Thanks TH

I agree with you about her actions being her own. But my oldest son was so embarassed by the pic. She should be thinking about him as well don't you think?

[TimeHeals]

I agree with you about her actions being her own. But my oldest son was so embarassed by the pic. She should be thinking about him as well don't you think?

That would be the proper thing. But people make mistakes, and you need to let her make her own mistakes and not worry about them or try to "save her from her own mistakes". That is just controlling behavior (despite the good intentions).

I should probably add that you should be there for your son and only go so far as saying you understand how he feels (but do not criticize his mother).

[TimeHeals]

I want to expand a little here: if she is making bad choices that affect her relationship with your son, it's natural that you will want to protect your son (hence be there to listen and affirm), but her actions do have consequences including her relationship with your son, and you intervening on his behalf is also you acting as her caretaker (and that's the part that isn't healthy).

You need to let her make her mistakes. You also need to protect your son as best you can, but I would pick my fights I think. Embarassment is not something that is going to seriously harm your son so long as you are there to teach him that her actions only reflect on her (and you do that with your actions).

[I_miss_him]

[quote=ninelives]
I even made a comment that she is my ex wife and she quickly said , " I am still your wife" But she is really not acting like it at all. I am worried about her especially for my kids.
[quote]

This is weird statement for her to make. These are things that I say to my WAH. IMO she is having serious second thoughts if she makes a statement like this.

[TimeHeals]

This is weird statement for her to make. These are things that I say to my WAH. IMO she is having serious second thoughts if she makes a statement like this.

She might be. But I don't put a whole lot of faith in the confused words of a wayward spouse, myself. They say a lot of things. Actions, on the other hand, are more telling.

[timehealsall]

She sounds like she has some security issues...

I know it's hard watching someone you love down on a destructive path but you need to let her at it alone. Sometimes WAS's need to fall on their faces in order to snap back into reality..

HUGS to you. YOu sound good overall!