Sorry about the above posts--I'm kinda journaling here & trying to get it out so I don't meltdown in front of the kids. I did a God-awful job of it last night.
Serious question, though...
The two year old woke up sobbing several times last night. I tried, but couldn't really comfort him. I asked if he was sick, did he hurt somewhere, did he have a bad dream? No answer, just sobbing. Finally I asked the obvious--do you miss Daddy?
A big, loud YES!! followed by heavier crying. He finally went back to his own bed & has been sleeping through the night. Poor baby.
So my question is...do I tell H that his son woke up crying because he misses him & he needs to step it up and at least call them at night before bed? The older one was upset that he'd missed H yesterday while he was at school. They spent the hour before dinner making him signs & letters and "gifts" out of their toys. They think they can get him to come back if they try hard enough. I firmly, but gently, told them that wasn't going to happen--but I'm sure Daddy would love the letters hearing how much they loved him.
Why can't he step it up? How can he just not talk to them? He didn't even hug them yesterday. He just got in the van and left like he was running to the store really quick. Even the football jersey I bought S6 yesterday--Daddy's favorite team so S6 would feel like they still had a connection and he could look forward to watching the games with Daddy in the fall--H even scoffed at that. Made some lame comment about how Mommy was just going to have to get him all sorts of stuff now that he wasn't there. (should add it was on clearance--I didn't go out of my way & break the bank to forge a tie to H, it really was a gesture for my son)
Dude. Seriously. I don't want to tell him that S2 was crying last night. He's pissing me off and pretty much making me sick--I don't know how he could hurt them like that. But I hate to see them suffer.
I don't think I need to tell him to man up and be a father. I think he'll just use the info against me--and if he really cared he'd have already figured it out, right? Last time I called him for them (in the late summer last year), I wouldn't even talk to him--just dial the phone for them so they could talk--and he still managed to get me on the phone and accuse me of using them to get to him. whatever.
I just hate that they are so hurt by this.
He is being crappy towards them. My parents are being crappy towards me. Am I the only one here who actually HAS parenting instincts?? I'd wanna rip someone's heart out if the hurt my kid. I do wanna rip someone's heart out.
My poor kids.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Tell him what's going on with the kids and "suggest" that he should call every night to help them. If you tell him he "should" call, he's gong to get defensive. Then it will be up to him.
I know exactly how you feel. My Ds miss their mom whenever she's not here. She at least calls every night and misses them too. When we can't reach my W, the kids and I hold hands and pray for God to be watching over her. It helps them.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
That last part has me in tears again. How incredibly sweet of you, and what a great way to show them how to care about W when she's isn't there. I think we'll have to start praying as a family at night before bed.
Thank you so much.
I'm happy that W actually tries with your kids. I don't know a mom who could not reach out. (Except mine...weak lol)
What is happening between the adults shouldn't be magnified upon the kids. They are already going through enough.
I'll take your advice & gently *suggest* it to him when he comes today to get more stuff. I'll do it in front of his dad, who absolutely adores his grandkids--not to get him "in trouble", but to have someone there on the kid's side.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Mr. Bond ... Laura Munson has released her book ... if you think the article is good, wait till you get your hands on her book "This Isn't the Story You Think It Is: An Unlikely Season of Happiness" ....
(((shel)))
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
He is here getting more stuff. He's even taking the shelving units out of the garage. His reasoning is that I got everything inside, he gets everything outside. That probably includes the garden hose I see laying on the ground. I don't know what the heck he needs a garden hose for. Whatever...there is a Harbor Freight nearby if I really need a screwdriver. Or a garden hose. I think he is just trying to make me mad, he is being incredibly hateful.
I don't care. It's hurtful, but I'm not responding.
He is starting in on money already. We took money out of my retirement to pay off some debt and I saved $500 to pay for the next 6 months of the car insurance. He wants to either stay on the same insurance or me give him half of it. He said my keeping it is stealing.
Again, whatever. Take the $250. I'm not fighting over $250. I'm not fighting at all.
I mentioned to him that S2 was crying last night because he missed him, and suggested that maybe he could call them at night before bed. He said no, I could call him. Ummm... He then pointed out that I have free long distance and his parents don't, then started in about how it's my fault that he's crying anyway. I just told him to let me know when a could time for them to call would be & came back inside.
S6 is sad, he gave H the pictures & presents he'd made last night & H literally brushed right by him with a "Yeah, that's nice."
Who the hell is this man? Fine. Make me pay, leave them alone. Last I heard he was telling S6 that he could come visit anytime and that I can't keep him away. *sigh*
I don't know if he's trying to hurt me, but this is no way to get your family back, or even make me care that you're upset.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Sorry to hear your H is an @$$. I would suggest that you not go out of your way to accomodate him. Tell him because he moved out it is his responsibility to figure out how he's going to talk to the kids not yours. Then just walk away.
It will be tough, but if you keep giving him what he wants, he's not going to have any desire to try anything.
Think about him as a kid. When one of your kids is crying and screaming because they want a certain toy, do you give in every time? Of course not. You just ignore them and eventually they settle down. It's that same mentality.
You have the perfect opportunity for things to turn around right now. When he comes over, just ignore him as if you were the happiest person in the world. Start going out and GAL. Go out with the kids to the park. Just something. The more he finds out that no one is paying attention anymore, he's going to rage harder than ever, but you stand strong.
Eventually he's not going to have anyone else to blame but himself. You can definitely do this.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
When he comes over, just ignore him as if you were the happiest person in the world. Start going out and GAL. Go out with the kids to the park. Just something. The more he finds out that no one is paying attention anymore, he's going to rage harder than ever, but you stand strong.
Eventually he's not going to have anyone else to blame but himself. You can definitely do this.
What Mr. Bond said.
You can handle it. Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
