Don't be surprised if you're talking to a child who has no sense of responsibility, yet functions as a woman should.
Very well put HB!
Yeah I happened to bump into one of those on Saturday night.
I decided to go out on Saturday and who do I bump into at the bar? My ex.... with one of her girlfriends ( MLC'ers flock together btw)
Her weekend with the kids and despite how much I hear " I miss them sooo much." She left them with her mom like usual.
She has also had a CT scan and a MRI the past week because she hasn't been feeling well and they thought something was wrong. I guess she feels good enough to go bar hopping.
The night and our interaction could not have went any better. It was perfect! She tried to drunk dial me at 2am. (I didn't answer)
Anyway... long story, sorry for the hijack. When we tell you trust nothing they say....we mean just that.
I want to thank you for giving me hope over the years and you didn't even know it. You are a true inspiration. You are da bomb. We all are da bomb...for staying onboard.
Of course we all wouldn't be da bomb if we all didn't receive the bomb! Figure that out.
Thanks!
I am trying to leave my wife alone which is one of the reasons I moved out. She knows how I feel. Hopefully this will give her time. I see her quite often because of the kids. I would like to scale that back a bit if possible. I have been helping her with the house - We both had let the house go over the past 2.7 years becuase we were both so wrapped up in our sitch. This has helped. She has shown much interest in fixing up the house again. cleaning, painting, fixing broken things. I am sort of handy so I do stop by and help do certain things for her. Put up molding, cut grass etc.
Is this okay??? I do things but try not to linger. Any thoughts? It is still half my house and if things don't get better it will be sold.
I don't know what I would do right now if she hooked up with a man. I think that would all but finish me off and force me to move on. I have been at this a long time and a new relationship would just drag this thing out a lot longer then I think I could take.
Sometimes I think if I found someone else....well that would be the one thing that would make her realize what she has done and maybe start to bring her out but that would be manipulating the sitch and compromising my morals and besides that I might like it too much to return.
Anyway...since I decided to move. I have seen days of happiness and days of unhappiness and anger. Before that it was....feelings of depression, hoplessness, crying, staring in to space.
I'm starting to sound less then masculine.....I'm quitting for now.
First off you are a man....for some reason I just assumed a lady. Don't read anything into that.
2nd - I thought maybe you were one of those lifetime posters but you actually started after me.
1st off.... LMAO! I'll never hear the end of this.
2nd.... Yeah, I found this place way late in the game. My ex had already filed. She started her journey back in 07 after a series of events I guess you could call them.
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I feel for you buddy....Your wife sounds like mine but then again they all sound the same.
Have you seen any improvement in her over the years?
They do don't they. Although we are all different, it's interesting how most of them cope in the exact same ways.
I've seen many improvements. Mine was and still is the queen at trying to keep me on the string, yes there have been improvements, but like many here she cycles. I do see some positives that have stuck. Right now she isn't in a very good place from what I gather. It's like she's went backwards.
Much like an addict, they will do this. They will improve then slip and improve then slip. I guess thats how the issues are dealt with. Sadly some will do this forever, never learning and dealing with what they need to.
Some will eventually get it and want to return, others will get it but too much will have happened, they just won't be strong enough or the lbs will have moved on.
You never can tell what will happen.
You just turn it over to God and keep on living the best life you can my friend.
I am trying to leave my wife alone which is one of the reasons I moved out. She knows how I feel. Hopefully this will give her time. I see her quite often because of the kids. I would like to scale that back a bit if possible. I have been helping her with the house - We both had let the house go over the past 2.7 years becuase we were both so wrapped up in our sitch. This has helped. She has shown much interest in fixing up the house again. cleaning, painting, fixing broken things. I am sort of handy so I do stop by and help do certain things for her. Put up molding, cut grass etc.
Is this okay??? I do things but try not to linger. Any thoughts? It is still half my house and if things don't get better it will be sold.
You know her best, and you know enough about mlc for me to say go with your gut. Trust yourself.
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Anyway...since I decided to move. I have seen days of happiness and days of unhappiness and anger. Before that it was....feelings of depression, hoplessness, crying, staring in to space.
We've all been there. It's the part of this that you must go through, there really isn't any other way. You WILL come out of this for the better no matter what if you stay on the right path.
There is NOTHING wrong with sounding less than masculine..you're still HUMAN aren't you? And to be human is to FEEL the range of human emotions. When you change and become, you become more OPEN with how you feel; and there is nothing wrong with that. I'd rather see a man cry, than to see one stonewall, because it's not "masculine". You can be tough yet soft, without worrying about your masculinity.
I'm a lady, but could be viewed as being a man in temperament. I rarely cry, but when I do, it's a flood, and it scares the crap out of my husband. I've learned solid self control over the years, and tears won't fix anything by itself. My husband sees me as a strong rock in any storm, and while I've tried to get him to understand that even I need help sometimes, he STILL views me that way. To him, I can do ANYTHING...and I've given up trying to convince him otherwise.
Don't feel bad about thinking Trapt was a lady; it's taken me this long to figure out that what I thought was a she is actually a HE, LOL!!(No offense, Trapt) The majority of people who post here are ladies..with a small percentage of men...nothing wrong with those numbers, none at all. At least the men who are here are looking in the right place and willing to do what it takes to try and bring their marriages back together...most men wouldn't bother, they'd either suffer in silence or keep on until they can't take anymore and run away from it all...NEVER learning what the need to learn out of this.
People have generally thought I see everything, when I don't. I don't have a crystal ball, I make many mistakes..and really need to learn to read properly. I was more meticulous and detail oriented back in the day when my husband was going through his MLC...I lost that, somewhat, when I came out of my transition.
There were several things I lost coming out of my transition, and I will never regain them...and I'm ok with that. The door did indeed close when I left back in 2003 or so, and so, I'm not the same person I was. But, my heart is still in the same place it was, as well as my compassion for the hurting. Even now, I try to choose my words carefully for fear of hurting people more deeply than they are already hurting. I cannot say reading here has dragged me back to a place I was so long ago...I've been past that for many years...but at times I still remember what it was like...only without the hurt that was associated with the events of that time.
You will eventually heal in this way as well if you will allow time to do its work on you....time does, indeed, heal all wounds, mends all gaps...and you will walk on all the better for the experience(s).
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I am trying to leave my wife alone which is one of the reasons I moved out. She knows how I feel. Hopefully this will give her time. I see her quite often because of the kids. I would like to scale that back a bit if possible. I have been helping her with the house - We both had let the house go over the past 2.7 years becuase we were both so wrapped up in our sitch. This has helped. She has shown much interest in fixing up the house again. cleaning, painting, fixing broken things. I am sort of handy so I do stop by and help do certain things for her. Put up molding, cut grass etc.
Is this okay??? I do things but try not to linger. Any thoughts? It is still half my house and if things don't get better it will be sold.
This is fine, Matt; testing the waters from time to time never hurts a thing. Follow her lead, depending upon what mood she is in on the days you stop by to help her do stuff.
You'll always know when it's a good day or a bad day for her, and you'll figure out how to act accordingly.
You will know when things are moving forward in a positive direction as per her actions toward you.
No one can tell you when to stop doing what you're doing..you are the only one who can figure that out for yourself.
It's hard, I know it is...and times are so uncertain for you...you're not sure why you're doing this, but you keep trying because you still love her, and you still honor your vows and a promise you made to her when you married her.
It was a promise to hang in there for better or worse...not until you got tired of being married. I think you remember what she had been before this started happening, and this is another reason you continue to hang in there with her to whatever end this will bring.
You're absolutely correct within yourself, if she should start committing adultery, you would be through after all you'd endured in trying to wait for her. That would not make you a weak person, or a bad person. Many people would not accept adultery in their mate as it exposes a character flaw within that person...and places doubt within the LBS as to whether it could occur again if it occurred once.
I cannot say for a certainty what the future will bring, but I believe that the time you're giving her will help her to understand that YOU are NOT the cause of her unhappiness...and she has to see that for herself without you being in the picture, regardless of how a separation comes about.
Time is all you've got at this point, and you're losing nothing but time in waiting...yet, whether you continue is up to you and no one else...it always was.
Have a good one. Questions are always welcome, even if I don't have answers, someone else might.
Remember, as each person is different, every MLC/Transition is different..what works for one may not work for another. Most of the time it is trial and error for ALL involved.
The last couple of days have been.....frustrating!
My W has been angry almost everytime I see her. I am the cause of everything...I ruined her life, she is so lonely..etc.
I thought I was past all of that. I did validate to the best of my abilities and acknowledged my part.
I don't even want to be around her when she is like that. I am pretty happy with where I'm at. It's not perfect but I think I have detached enough that I don't let the comments bother me. But then there are times.....I just wonder when it will end so we both can move forward.
I'm trying to settle with just being friends with her (and I am okay with that) but that is difficult to say the least.
