I think we're on alternating weeks - sex weeks and no-sex weeks. W tried dressing up in sexy underwear for me, then halfway through said "this doesn't feel right" - so for the last few days it's been a bit of a dry spell as she's got her protective "no sex" barrier up again. No worries, she says, just need a little time and space, we'll get back to it before long.
For my part, I'm thinking about the whole "love language" thing and realizing that I've dropped off a little bit. Haven't been getting up and making breakfast like I was (although I've been still buying a lot of gifts), things like that. Not that it's a big deal but I want to remain aware and keep making a happy home. She gives me every indication that she feels loved and that everything is great.
One thing I can do, which I know is really important to her and I've never actually done it - put up Christmas lights on the house exterior. I'll do that this weekend.
KML, KAW - thanks for stopping in, you really tickled me with your enthusiasm and joy! Gopher dance, eh?
Karen, Kitti, Seattle - well, you're not rid of me yet. Nah, I'm still around, more lurking than anything. Things are pretty busy these days with work and home, but that's no excuse to neglect my friends.
I'd be happy to summarize things, but will have to put aside some time. I can post all my threads though. Here we go:
Bill glad to hear things are still all well. As far as the sex thing I wouldnt worry, even a camel has to stop and get a drink of water occasionally. Stay cool And God Bless, Eddy
Bill glad to hear things are still all well. As far as the sex thing I wouldnt worry, even a camel has to stop and get a drink of water occasionally. Stay cool And God Bless, Eddy
Have a couple of minutes - here's some other stuff -
Had my last counciller appointment this week! I told her I'd met my goals and didn't think I needed to come any more, and she was happy to agree. Good stuff. Will miss seeing her regularly.
As some of you may recall, one of the issues with W not getting a good night sleep in our bed is my snoring. The 1st-step GP-suggested solution isn't doing anything. I mentioned this morning that I was planning to call the ear-nose-throat specialist for whom I'd gotten a referral.
W's comment was: Is there a doctor for those stinky farts?
See, jokes - that good. On the other hand, apparently this is the new problem keeping her awake.
Bill, Hey I finally found your thread. Been reading through and all i've got to say is wow. Yes you are an inspiration. Maybe i'll start to ask myself "what would Bill do?" everytime i do something. Anyway it seems like it's going fine for you- just don't get caught up in the "walking on eggshells" thing. You can't bring yourself down and fall back into the old mode. But you already know all this so your gonna be fine. I hope it continues to get better everyday. johnny
I read all of your threads. It took me several days. What a story!!! My H dropped the bomb Nov.2 and your story has given me inspiration. There are so many similarities in all our situations. I know it would be time-consuming, but you could help so many others too, if you wrote your story.
Here's a question for you. If you could give new DBers some quick advice, what would you say are the single most important things to remember?
Thanks, Bill, for your happy ending. It gives the rest of us hope!
Christine
I am the master of creating positive energy and love in my own environment. I am the source of love in my life. It starts with me! This energy radiates from me! It gives me strength, courage, wisdom and grace!
Hi Bill Just wanted to add my voice of appreciation to everyone else. I find it hard to post on other people's threads, so just wanted to let you know I also find yours inspiring. thanx, rick
I've got to tell you, I'm blown away by everybody's posts. I'm really, really, happy that you're finding sources of hope in the things I've written. Yes, I've promised to write a summary, maybe over the Christmas break. In the meantime, I'm still around.
Quote: Here's a question for you. If you could give new DBers some quick advice, what would you say are the single most important things to remember?
Hoo boy. You know, going through this, it seems that the most useful thoughts that I carried around in my head changed rapidly depending on what I was going through. I think that a big "theme" for me was, what positive energy am I bringing to the table? I imagined a flow of energy in our lives. When I was sitting there, hurting, waiting for some response, I could imagine that I was draining energy from the relationship; when I was able to make myself a source of happiness, create an inviting atmosphere (making meals, putting on music, being happy, making an effort to listen to W) I was bringing energy to the relationship. The thing that my W has commented on mostly is the feeling of unconditional love coming from me. I was hurting, but never lashed out, I just kept loving her and doing things to show it.
Take time to take care of yourself. Don't try to deny or resist what's going on - this will just make you angry. Avoid the "if only"s - I spent a lot of time torturing myself over what I could have done and what I didn't do which led to the situation, but these feelings are not useful. For some reason part of me craved to hang on to them, but there was no reason to. Each day is new - accept the situation and you'll be in a better space to make productive changes.
Remind yourself that YOU are a source of STRENGTH, of love, of postive energy. You don't need your relationship for these things - think of yourself as a well of positive energy that energizes your self, your life, your relationship. Put the thoughts out of your head that you need the relationship to fill you up, because it's the other way around - your relationship needs you to fill it up.
So, when you do something in love, don't expect anything in return. Your spouse will sense it. Just do it as an extention / expression of yourself.
This may or may not ring true for you; I'm no philosopher or relationship expert, but this is what I guess I've learned.
So, in my house, the sex comes and goes. THings are good. W said to me this morning that she just couldn't imagine being happier - a lot of things are kind of converging over the last few days...
1) W has been talking for awhile about making one of the rooms in the house sort of her relaxation room, sort of a "spa" theme; 2) I've overall been trying to make the house more of a comfortable place, we've been decorating, I've been painting, etc. 3) I've been reading a book called (don't laugh y'all!!) How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure - see, I'm going all out to enhance our intimate life. Well, one of the things that it talks about is how important relaxation is to intimacy, and to create an environment using all five senses. Hmmm, I thought. I mentioned to W that I wanted to get a "desktop fountain" thing for the bedroom for that water-trickling sound, and some other things like scent oils - told her I want to make our bedroom her santuary, the place in the world where she feels most comfortable. She started to cry because she felt like "I get her" - I am serious, this is big stuff for her. Anyway, I set up one of our stereos in the bedroom, did get some fragrance oil and put a few drops on a lightbulb, she started arranging things too. She is SOOOOOOOO happy with this, and that I initiated it. 4) Church. Wow, this is complicated. So, after a childhood of being very religious, W became a confirmed agnostic before 20 years old. She's steadfastly stayed away from religion. As part of this whole process this year, she swung 180 and started seeking God again. We've been to a few churches which haven't felt right (W has been very wary about returning back to church), but we've been to a place over the last couple of weeks that we really like. W is now compelled, excited, to do attend. We talked a lot of about religion last night in bed, which she really enjoyed - a topic that we never spent much time on together. W belives that God has sent us throught this experiece over the last 6 months to make our relationship stronger, to give us the love and happiness that could be. She's really in tune to God now. THe good thing is that she's questioning, thinking a lot now about things that I've thought or read about, and it's really good and interesting to have meaningful religions coversations with my W.
This is truely awesome.
Well, got to get to work y'all - God bless, and I'll be back around before long. I guess I'm maintaining my thread after all. My appologies to everyone that I haven't visited recently - I know some of you are having hard times - you are all in my thoughts and prayers.
HI Bill. Wow - I just caught up with you again. I am so happy for you and your W and your boys.
The positives just keep happening don't they. Your positive attitude has paid off in dividends for you. I am glad to say that I am following your lead and remaining positive too - no matter what. Of course there are rough days now and then, but for the most part I keep a smile on my face.
I too think of your progress whenever it gets tough. I think of the positive sitch's on the BB and think - "I want to be one of those!" And that does help!
So Bill - your journey continues. I would have to agree that I don't think it ever ends now as we all need to keep the changes we made for ourselves in place. To stop trying is too give yourself room to backslide.
I think the journey simply takes a new direction together with your S. As long as the two of you are together, you are forever DBing. The DB principles become habit and part of your day-to-day, which hopefully ensures that you won't end up here in dispair again.
Boy, I guess I got a bit philosophical here today. I am so inspired by your success and want it to last forever.
You go Bill!
totite
"Accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative..."
W tried dressing up in sexy underwear for me, then halfway through said "this doesn't feel right" - so for the last few days it's been a bit of a dry spell as she's got her protective "no sex" barrier up again. No worries, she says, just need a little time and space, we'll get back to it before long.
