i have faced squad cars i have had nasty untrue things said about me i have had slanderous comments made i have had death threats posed to me
all by Cori's ex
I still say be there
it isn't for her benefit it is for your children's
it is to counter outloud and in front of her information that is not correct
you don't need to say you fought against a divorce they know that you do need to let them know that you love them and if their mom says bullshit you need to be there to counter it
I loved the radio thing. Bob and his kind deserve an ass kicking. I wonder if Donny forwarded the radio show mp3 to Rose (Bob's wife).
You know, the thing with sitting the kids down would be just fine if you both are on a common front. If she does bring up bullshit to try an paint you as bad and her as a princess, I dont see any good coming from it. You will counter her bullshit and then she will counter you, blah blah blah - in front of the kids who then are left confused and probably in tears from more continued fighting by their parents. And even if you can get through it, there will be times she can speak her bullshit later in private to the kids.
I just dont see any good from you both trying to speak to the kids together about the divorce based upon previous history I have read about your evil witch slut. She hates you too much to be civil even for the kids benefit.
I think your son already knows who has taken the moral path just as mine does. It may take our daughters getting into their teens to realize the karma that has come upon by their mothers poor decisions. Or you and I may find a new lady in our lives who has a good influence on our daughters as to what an honest and respectful woman should be. I got my son and daughter involved in the scouts partly with that in mind - to learn and gain strength and honor.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
There is nothing in the history of the last two years that suggests the two of you can have a discussion with anyone, let alone your children, without a disagreement or conflict.
Quite frankly, your kids don't need anymore drama in their lives. I would think by now that it's fairly clear to them that Mommy and Daddy are no longer close. Living apart from YOU will be the hard part for them. Your wife is certainly not going to make them feel any better about that part - only you and your loving compassion towards them will make the fears subside.
Just food for thought Frank. I know you will make a thoughtful and proper decision.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
This seems to be a gender split decision. Moms are more likely to opt to be there, Dads are more likely to suggest to do it alone.
It reminds me of the difference between moms and dads changing those incredible all body poops that newborns have. The mom will eek at the muck going up the baby's back, clean the baby, and rinse the offending muck off the outfit and prepare it to be sanitized and cleaned. Dads will howl at the mess, clean the baby up and throw the outfit in the garbage along with the diaper.
Telling the kids is messy.. very messy.. full of intense emotions. The amount of trepidation a parent might feel is nothing compared to the shock, hurt and devastation the children will experience.
You're a surgeon. Do you operate without an anesthesiologist, safe environment, sterilized tools?
In a case as distorted as yours.. talk to the therapist about your real concerns, about what IS the best way to approach this considering the history of histrionics by the mother. Doing it with the help of a professional might be the only way the two of you can work it out.... to choose what works best for all.
You've lived through hell, and it still will be hell. And Bill is right, the toughest impact will be the kids not having you daily in their lives.
also Frank you can CHOSE not to be led into her drama
let her rage while you are detached and calm
I regret allowing my ex to tell the boys things when I wasn't there
they are well aware that I love them they were also well aware that I wasn't there for the talk
now that they are older, they tell me the things he said and the things her did and I hate myself for not being there
they didn't tell me all the lies because they didn't want to hurt me and it doesn't mean that they didn't know he was lying at the time
it just means that they were concerned about protecting me which is NOT their job
my job is to protect them, not the other way around
and
by letting my sociopathic ex have any alone time wit them at all i put them in the position where they had to censor what they told me so I wouldn't get hurt
We have a realtor coming to the house today. STBXW is up early and cleaning (finally). I make the MBR up (I am sleeping there this week), take out the trash, vacuum the stairs, clean a toilet.
My stuff gets dumped in a corner. A snide comment is made in front of my kids re: her doing all the cleaning.
A friend of mine walks into the bagel store the other day and sees STBXW talking closely to 'the bagel man'. Many here recall that, more than likely, the bagel man had 'horizontal refreshment' with her two summers ago. It doesn't sting anymore, but, I feel stupid about it.
Anyway, I have decided to speak with the kids on my own. I have been slowly letting out facts to my son:
-that the law requires that he live with his mom and we will have less time together -that I will have him for half the summer, altnerating by weeks -that I will most likely stay in the house until it is sold
He has said that he wants to live with me: "dad, maybe D6 can live with mom and I can live with you." I told him that..maybe..someday...when he is older...he can decide to do whatever he wants.
Again, S9 is going to get hurt initially. Most of his really fun playdates are with his cousin's and friends that he sees with me. They will diminish now.
So...I am waiting for the final stip. As we stand right now, we seem to be in agreement.
Stupid question...passports. She has requested to keep hold them. Does anyone see an issue with this? Should a 3rd party hold hold them?
Thanks. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
XW and I have the kids passports go back and forth. No issues so far.
One thing I made sure to do on my last trip to Canada with the kids was to create a permission letter that XW signed so as to get through Canadian immigrations easier. It detailed out trip and had her phone number in case they needed to check with her.
