Doc, Thanks for giving us a little history to show the changes and progress you and W have made. It sounds like connection has improved dramatically. It sounds like opportunity for intimacy is around the corner.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
There was something I read early on in my own journey about "tipping points". How each little experience positive or negative we go through builds and comes to a high point which becomes our perception of something which in turn guides our thoughts and actions.
I think you've pumped alot of positives into your W's emotional pit and it's going to be time soon to push her into some kind of action. It's been building and I think you've filled her "love bank" to the point where she needs to initiate something.
Have you thought of really pulling back and see if she gets closer? Or initiates any intimacy or action at all? I know you told her before that she needs to make a "choice". But maybe she needs a small step before making a choice.
Maybe offer a suggestion like "remember when you used to do xxx for me? I really appreciated it then and you enjoyed it. It would be nice to do it again."
In this case, you left it up to her initiative and you're not sounding like you need it. It also suggests that since you both found it enjoyable, you might find it enjoyable again.
Worth a shot. I know how you feel about being the only one doing the work. I've been trying to back off a bit myself and see what she does.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You and I need to go out for a drink buddy... Yes I agree with you. I do feel we are at that tipping point.
I am NOT making excuses for her but my wife's fling...And I call it that because is was NOT a long term thing in fact as far as I know it only happened one time. But anyway her fling was not caused my me. I may have not heard her "cry for help" but she keeps her feeling to herself and I was always there if she needed me. She had / has problems with her feeling of self worth. I am finely seeing a sparkle in her again. She is finely stopped talking about how over weight she is. She is finely doing something about her concern about being overweight. The other day she mentioned about this empty brick boarder by our driveway. I have been meaning to someday widen the driveway so I never planted anything there. Well she mentioned it would be nice to have some flowers there. So I thought in my head. ‘We have no money right now to widen the driveway so why not?’ She helped me pick some flowers at the store to plant there. Now on the surface this may not seem like a big thing but wife has not really cared about how the outside of the house looked in a long time. She just sat in her office most of the time complaining about being Fat. So you see she is now not only concerned again about what she looks like… she is also taking interest in the house to. In The picture I found of her with the OM she did not look very happy. Who knows what really happened. Maybe she had too much to drink; maybe once it got out of hand she did not know how to stop it. She did tell me that when she went to see him she was not planning on having sex with him and “all that did was cloud up the water” whatever that means I believe wife’s problem with sex has nothing to do with me aside from me not “getting any” So that is what we / I / she need to work at. If she had a fear of flying I would not force her to get on a plane. Now should I give up “flying” just because she has a fear of it? No but what I can do is put her at ease. Not pressure her...and sooner or later we will be flying and she won’t even realize it.
As far as pulling away? Well let me also say that I was a “good husband” meaning I went to work (same place as my wife worked, came home, worked around the house I did whatever was needed. I never went out by myself, didn’t hang around my buddies...I was a pretty “safe” husband. But now I have my own life. I am starting school; I am going to be meeting people. Did I mention this is a co Ed college? There will be activities…This is all a 180 for me. Wife knew when I went to work what was going on. But she will have no idea what is going on when I am at school. (Not that I am planning on anything “happening”. But it will loosen that security feeling she has had. BTW she has been great telling me I should buy this or that for school, Telling me how when she gets a job she is going to really have to hustle to get son to the bus in the morning. She now takes him and in the past would have somehow (or maybe it was just me feeling this way) make it my problem how he was getting to school. Today she told me I need to teach her how to use the carpet cleaner because she wants to clean them... In the past she would have just hinted to me that it needs to be done.
SHE IS COMING OUT OF HER FOG, HER IMAGINARY WORLD, HER POOR ME MODE..
Now she still has her days but don’t we all? What I need to work on is when she has “her days” to not let it affect mine or my attitude…
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Pisces By Rick Levine You are ready for something special to happen, but there won't likely be any miracles today. Nevertheless, some serious healing magic can unfold if you don't attempt to force anything. Stand back and give others a chance to breathe deeply. And remember, this is not a time to push your will on anyone else. Swim like a fish and take the course of least resistance.
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
Thanks for all of the suggestions. First let me tell ya I love to dance. But because of my leg not everybody calls what I do dancing. If fact when I was single my best buddy used to make fun of my dancing. Didn’t bother me though because I knew the only reason he did it was because he was afraid of dancing. And hey he was my best friend so they are allowed sometimes to be jerks. L would give almost anything to have my leg / movement back to ball room dance. But I was dealt a hand (Or foot) and I just have to deal with it.
Ack, I'm sorry Doc - I forgot about your leg, didn't mean to be insensitive.
As long as I have my own foot in my mouth, might as well shove it in further. Have you seen Heather Mills dancing on DWTS? Truly awe-inspiring. OK, shutting up now.
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
It happens all of the time. I am such a physical and busy guy people around me always forget. I guess that is a good thing. As for DWTS.. I just can't get into it. I have tried sitting with wife (a little connecting) to watch it but just can't seem to get into the Swing of it. I guess it is kind of like Basket ball to me. I have trophys from playing basket ball before my accident. Now it's kind of like if I can't do it the game does not interest me anymore. Unless son is playing.I live my life in sports through him. We do shoot hoops once in a while our front..
And if I claim to be a wise man, well It surely means that I don't know
