She works in the evening, he works during the day. She did say she felt a bit guilty, as she is leading him on because she needs him right now. But that it is very over, and has been for a long time. (Do people trust me with stuff you wouldn't expect to here the first time you really talk to them?)
Just my two cents but this sends up huge red flags to me - not only the living conditions, but the fact that she's leading him on which to me means he is currently under the impression that they are a couple in reconcilliation. How will he react to you coming in the picture - he will most likely see you as an OM. Also if she's already using him, what keeps her from doing the same thing to you. Sorry don't mean to be cynical, just a little bit concerned by this and don't want to see you walk into a potentially volatile situation. Tread very carefully.
Yeah... I was content (not thrilled, but content) with the idea that they were roommates, since sometimes you just do what you need to do. But I am not comfortable with the leading him on thing. I got the feeling that she isn't either, but she's obviously talked herself into the necessity to do it. This may well require some more thought.
Jeff...you have proven a million times over that you are outstanding as a friend! Starting there is not a crime! Think it over, I see the issue with the living arrangements...I suppose it speaks to her character IF she said she is actively leading him on to make her life financially/logistically easier. However, if HE is the one making assumptions vs her actually leading him on, that is different...
Well, she used the words "leading him on", and said some other things, that I don't remember exactly, that made me think that she wasn't very happy about what she is doing. Reading between the lines, and perhaps mind reading a bit, I think she has rationalized her behavior.
So, the guy in me is screaming "RESCUE, FIX, RESCUE, FIX!!!!!!". I am doing my best to beat him back. I do think that (if I actually do ever meet her when she isn't working), I will talk to her about this. The most she can do it tell me to mind my own business... but I don't think she'll do that. After all, it's not like I pulled teeth to learn what I know now. I think that her feeling that it's better for the kids might not be true in the long run, and I wonder if she's thought of that. And I am thinking that she is really not happy with herself about it, her eyes were saying something. So, I think it might not hurt to talk to her, maybe there is a way for her to live and not feel bad about it. The trick is making sure I am not trying to fix... a fine line!
So, like, I think that's my, like, plan, you know?
Starting there is not a crime! Think it over, I see the issue with the living arrangements...I suppose it speaks to her character IF she said she is actively leading him on to make her life financially/logistically easier. However, if HE is the one making assumptions vs her actually leading him on, that is different...
