so just an update on H counseling... apparently the C asked him questions dating back to the beginning of our M, all the way back to dating, which included talks of how my H was on and off seeing another girl when we were first dating... and how that led to fights and conflicts in the future for us... my H told C of all the bad things, of course cause thats how he feels right now...apparenlty C told H that he was stupid to marry me and I was stupid to marry him... there was writing on the wall all over that it wasnt going to work. He said that we both dont believe in change.. I dont believe H has changed which is why i snoop all the time and bring up the past (which i do NOT, I stopped doing that after we got married and decided past is the past, i snoop NOW cause things are happening, but H is delusional and thinks it happens all the time) and that H doesnt beleive i will change from doing that or from fighting... C said that even if we wanted it to work it would be a long hard road.... so thats great! C just made my H feel totally validated in his delusions...
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
From what your telling us the C said it sounds like the kind of c you don't want. The C is telling you that you were doomed when you got married. Sure doesn't sound like this C is willing to help mend the marriage.
If I went int MC with my W and the C started talking like that, I think I would start looking for a new C. You need to dump that C in my opinion, because this one appears to already causing more damage than good.
I continue to hope for nothing but good things for YOU meg. i want to see you come through this stronger and better.
Married 18 Me 39 W 37 D 15 D 5 Divorce Filed 8 April 2010 Beginning of Reconcile 8 Sept
I agree. Get a new C. They're not god. Many of them are quacks. Sounds like you got a duck.
For what it's worth, if your H leaves you for EA OW, he will be destined to a life of REAL constant snooping over there. She will be paranoid because she got him through cheating while he was married. "Lose em how you get em" will infect her mind and all that. He is creating his own future from his bad choices over and over.
True story rr22... I couldnt agree more. Well this C prob is a quack, thing is, this counseling is not to help us, its ONLY for the purpose of the ERD for me to go home. So they said what will happen next is I will have a one on one appt, I will tell my side, then we will go once together to make sure everyone is on the same page with wanting the ERD and then they will go forth with the paperwork. They told my H if I didnt want to leave, i didnt have to. But I do want to. Im tired of being disrespected. I told his work I want them to move him out to the dorms, just waiting on a response from them.
I ended up kicking H out the house yesterday. He went to lodging on base. I told him that I knew about the phone calls to OW and that I made it clear that it was something I wouldnt tolerate and he crossed the line and I wont be disrespected in my own house and that if he wanted to write her or call her he needed to go do it somewhere else. He was very resistant to leave but after about 15 minutes he finally agreed to leave, got all pissy, came in here and deleted all of our pictures together off of his facebook, packed a bag and stormed out. Then about an hour later, I am on FB and he is on there too and he starts to IM me, says just so you know Im really mad about this but my room is pretty nice... I ignore him... then he calls the house about 30 minutes later... He said "i heard some sirens, just making sure you arent doing anything stupid" I said H what do u want? He started telling me about how nice his room is, and i should come see it... then says, i mean like, you should come stay here and i will stay at the house... i said no thanks, is that all? and he said bye and hung up. I think he is shocked that i put my foot down and kicked him out. But I am serious... he gets away with EVERYTHING cause I want to be with him so bad... he always has. It feels good to have some control back in this. I still love him, I still wish our marriage could work. But I am done being disrespected, and I think he sees that now. We will see how today goes, he said he was gonna come by and get the rest of his stuff but he wont have anywhere to take it yet.. so we will see.
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Good luck. You can also not be home when he comes to get his stuff to avoid his pissyness. Sounds like a tough time over there. I don't think you should do anything that makes you feel like a doormat.
Well he showed up this morning and just picked up a toothbrush and grabbed some food... So I went to work and I talked to his first sergeant asking about what is the deal with moving him into the dorms and I asked if they have to approve his leave to go visit OW while we are trying to get this paper work done? So then I got a call from my H commander (the BIG boss) and he asked me if I had any email traffic between H and OW, I said I did but I wasnt prepared to get him into trouble as I know if I do, I can kiss all this civilized agreement of who gets what and all the stuff I can have goodbye, but the Commander told me that if he has reasonable suspision that H is going to visit OW, he will place an order that restricts him from going there... and as far as the military is concerned, whether i like it or not, they have an obligation to stop that kind of behavior since we are still married. He wants me to send him the emails
So H IM's me and says that the commander talked to him and told him that he knows what he is up to and that he is denying him any leave until after this paperwork is completed. He didnt tell him yet that he cant go to vegas, not until i send him the emails with some proof. Well H is pretty mad, he said that everyone just has their own opinions of why he wants a D and we are all jumping to conclusions about OW. He said as of right now he still wants to keep this civilized and keep everything the same as we had previously agreed on, as far as stuff im getting, and not filing for awhile so I can maintain my military benefits for a little bit, but he said if he starts to feel like I am TRYING to get him in trouble then I will spend all the money he gave me on lawyer fees and this will get ugly... soooo... not sure what to do... hmmm
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Honestly meg this is seems like the time to decided whether or not your really going to put your foot down. You've been given the opportunity to show your H that you aren't going to put up with him going to see OW. That you both are not children any more and that there are consequences for the choices you make.
He is going to tell you all sorts of things as to why he wants a D and probably none of them have to do with the OW. But it sure seems convenient that all this is happening and that there is OW in the picture.
An eye for an eye seems like the best way to go. Honestly it probably is the easiest and most satisfying way to go. But this is something you really should think about doing before you act. It may just show him how serious you are about not being treated like a doormat. I wish I was an expert on this matter but who really could be. All situations are different. Your feelings aren't anyone elses. The only thing we all want for you is to be a strong, happy and confident woman.
I'll pray for you
Aces...
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
((meghunny)) If I were faced with the same situation, given how I feel after reading each and every one of your extremely honest posts, I would give the commander the emails. In my mind, it's the right thing to do, ugly divorce or not. You can always rebuild your life however you want it. You've already been disrespected to the furthest extent. How much more disrespect are you willing to take? He'll just keep telling you whatever he can to manipulate you into doing things exactly the way that he wants them. ExCautious did a lot of the same with me. Maybe I'm just trying to get revenge on the little things ExCautious did to me through you and your sitch with H. Either way, the choice is yours, but now there are a lot more people involved in this sitch and you have to be fair to them as well.
Me: 26 Ex: 27 Son: 5
Divorced: 3/2010 Each day is another opportunity to do it right.
