Again Grit..most people don't understand why we choose to stay. Our friends and family have their reasons for this..they don't want to see us in pain (my father), want grandkids from their only daughter(my mother), don't ever want to see the dishonest son of a b*tch (friends), don't want to face the uncomfortable-ness of seeing the H again (brothers). You choose to stay for your own reasons..and you choose not to go for your own reasons..nobody else needs to live with your decisions..so who cares what they think..right? Courage is being scared to death and saddling up anyway.(in lieu of your GAL)
Hey seeking. Thanks for stopping by. The horseback riding lessons are going great! I fell off the first time because the saddle was loose and I just tipped over.I was sore after that!
I was on a bigger horse yesterday (and bigger saddle) and got to do maneauvering through pilons in a trot. Teach says I have natural riding ability!
It is just a great uplifting activity. The ride out there in the country. The farm has two baby horses that run up to the gate when I pull in and want to petted. The whole thing has done wonders for my spirit.
I recommend it highly as a GAL activity. Nonwithstanding the (literally) advice of getting back on the horse!
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Glad you're enjoying horses! I own 4 and my DIL 2. We have a mare due here in the next couple weeks or so. I stand two stallions so there are 'visiting' mares in the spring, also.
Nothing like being on the back of a powerful animal and racing through a field. Good for you getting back on after falling off. Lots of folks would let that be it. After saddling the horse walk it around a bit and then retighten the saddle. Walking the horse around gives it a chance to let the breath out that it took while you were tightening the cinch.
I posted earlier that my mother went to work on me. I got angry and then apoligized. Since then (past 2 nights) mom has had more than her share of wine and then starts in on me. Asking questions. Giving advice that doesn't even make sense and I can tell she's buzzed. The drinking definitely increased after our confrontation.
Last night I found myself getting angry and wanting her to just stop with the stupid sh*t. Then realized the feeling was familiar (does this word derive from family?) I would get the same feeling when W would do this with the wine. I wanted to just tell mom to leave me the f&ck alone. I didn't because I'm trying to understand. But did use to lash out at W in this very same sich.
WTF? I know this sh#t happened growing up when my parents were separated (for me age 8 to 13 on and off). My sis and I lived with mom. I remember my mom use to drink. I don't remember much about this time- I mean the bad stuff. I had to take care of my sister (2 years younger) starting at a young age. Aha! The rescuer/fixer. She remembers all the drama. I don't. She is als,o as I mentioned earlier, now a WAS and MLCer.
I know this is all freudian stuff and I will get into it with my IC. What's going on now is that me and my sis are in marital strife. My mom is wearing mittens around the house (we live in FL) and is in full blown obsessive compulsive cleaning, telling me to clean, telling my dad to clean. She has mentioned at least 3 times in 2 days that I need to eat the avocado I bought before it goes bad. The mittens are becasue she bites the edges of her fingers till they bleed sometimes.
I am mentioning all this because I think I have hit on something for me. That I need to work on. I don't want to get angry.
I recognize that when my W went into crisis I probably reacted/coped with the same mechanisms I used as a child when my mom was in crisis. Get angry. Don't put your drama on me. Get the F outof my face. Then shut down. My IC asked me if I had any of those feelings or memories. I said if I do they are way down in there.
I am living with my parents during this and it is either the best or worst place for me to be- depending on the perpective and my goals. I think I look at it as an opportunity to exorcise my own demons.
Any observations on this? Is there a doctor in the house?
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Well I see no one wanted to touch this with a 10 foot pole. I don't either quite frankly. I did talk to mom. Quite funny how I realized what to say. I watched Where the Wild Things Are. A very insightful movie. The big Monster Carol goes bashing about and behaves very badly, he rips his best friend's arm off. BECAUSE HE IS SCARED.
I know that all this crap with MOM and with W is becasue they are SCARED.
That's all...well with W it gets a little more complex but that's the basic emotion.
I talked to mom and told her that I know her motives are very well-intentioned but that when she let's fear get to her and she puts that fear on me, then it makes me scared too. She admitted that was what she was feeling and recognized how she could make me feel crazy too and angry. I apologized for getting angry. She apologized for putting her fears on me. For now Mom's mittens have to stay on. That's ok. I wish putting mittens on would protect me sometimes.
The last thing I explained to her was that she needs to trust me to make the best decisions for myself now. She agreed that i am doing very well with handling this-not running away-dealing with it and said she was very proud of me.
I think it was a very positive step for me and my mom.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Yeah...I didn't have much of a response. I think your insight into your maternal relationship is good enough.
My mom and I had a blow up years ago about a relationship with a girl that I was dating. After that, she never interfered again. Kinda wish she might of tried with my M; but I wouldn't have listened. What 31 yr old man is going to turn away a 24 yr old Div I cheerleader????
Of course, the rest is history. I got two beautiful kids out of the deal; a potentially sweet settlement (in reference to what most men come out with) and a STBX whose youthful beauty is fading fast and so is she!!!
I recognize that when my W went into crisis I probably reacted/coped with the same mechanisms I used as a child when my mom was in crisis. Get angry. Don't put your drama on me. Get the F outof my face. Then shut down.
I would do something similar- get angry. My father never went into crisis..but he would just repeat the same story..over..and over..and over again when he drank. It also irritated the hell out of me that he would slur his words. One difference, I didnt really shut down. I just wouldn't shut up...I would need to point out that he told the same story 15 times..and that he was slurring his words.
Just recently..I finally accepted my father for who he is. I still don't enjoy talking to him while he is drinking...but I don't get angry. I figure..the man is in his 70's- he isn't going to change. I have finally accepted him. My mother still hasn't..she says the same things..and acts the same way- and surprise- he responds the same way- he ignores her!! I feel so much better about this. It was about time to let go.
I give you credit for remaining so patient with your parents. You are going through a difficult time and it really isn't easy when your parents are giving advice. They still believe they know best. Their intentions are good..but you need to go alone.
Has your W brought up D recently? I need to get over here to MLC more often.
