If Not Now, When?

[Virtually_Handsome]

(((((BobbiJo)))))

I was going to point out that whether she was involved or not was something you can't control. Try not to borrow too much trouble, for the time being. Even if she is involved now, it doesn't mean she will be for the long haul. I think Dan's eye wanders too much for that. Just take care of yourself and the kids, and you'll be fine!

[ClingingToHope]

I'm the flip side, BBJ. As the one moving out I've done everything I can to make my place fun and warm because I can't compete with W's house. Until this, it was the only place they knew as home.

So you have the advantage. Your place will always feel like home to them.

No matter what I do here, this isn't "home" and it's the same with Dan.

That's why a little part of me feels guilty that I don't make enough so I can acquiesce to her demands and give her enough to keep the house.

I will be sad when the girls have to move from there.

[BobbiJo]

You never find yourself until you face the truth.

That is a quote hanging on the wall at the YMCA--it caught my eye last night. So true.... It was said by Pearl Bailey, a legendary African American actress. So I googled her quotes this morning and found a few more gems.

I never really look for anything. What God throws my way comes. I wake up in the morning and whichever way God turns my feet, I go.

No one can figure out your worth but you.

There is a way to look at the past. Don't hide from it. It will not catch you if you don't repeat it.

You must change in order to survive.

You cannot belong with anyone else, until you belong to yourself.

Rough, rough morning. Kids were a mess. Last night was their first evening at Dan's and this morning Sydney was glued to me. She kept saying, "I want to stay with mommy..." Bawling hysterically as I carried her into preschool. Nathan also said he was not going to school. Didn't want to get dressed, etc etc. A mess...

I told them both I loved them very much but they needed to go to school. Sydney's preschool teacher is amazing, she helped me out by giving Sydney a very important job the second she figured out what was going on. I hope they both get through the day ok!

[smith18]

Bobbi Jo - This has to be very hard for you to see your children hurting. Change is difficult and not always for the best at first. Did they stay overnight at Dan's and not get much sleep?

[BobbiJo]

Bobbi Jo - This has to be very hard for you to see your children hurting. Change is difficult and not always for the best at first. Did they stay overnight at Dan's and not get much sleep?

No, they did not stay overnight at Dan's. We are already off of the plan we made together.

When Dan came over to talk Monday night he was concerned about the kids spending the night the first night at his house. We agreed to ease them into the transition. The plan was for them to go over last night, hang out for the evening at his place, unpack their suitcases full of clothes into their dresser, and make themselves at home. Then come back to my house to sleep. Then Friday he was to pick them up for the weekend. Their things would already be in place at his house ready to go.

Well, I left for the Y at 7:30 last night and he had not been by to get their suitcases. He had said that he would pick the kids up from child care and come get their things...

When I got home from the Y and running errands in Omaha, it was after 10. Not sure when the kids actually went to bed, I am guessing it was close to ten though as he was in their room still. Their suitcases were still on the couch so obv. they didn't unpack!

He came out and I asked what the deal was. He asked what I was talking about?? I said, the suitcases are here, guess you didn't unpack.

He said no, we didn't. It was nice out so I wanted to take advantage of the good weather. We went to mom and dad's for supper and played outside and then went into my house for a little bit.

I told him my understanding was that they were unpacking and settling in at his place....he said he didn't have their dresser put together yet so there was no place to unpack. And he said he would pick up the suitcases himself Friday during the day since he was taking the day off. He would get everything unpacked and ready for them for Friday evening.

That goes against everything we discussed re. them helping to unpack and settle in and doing it gradually instead of all in one day. I am frustrated but not really surprised.

[NNP1965]

As I have come to realize with my H, it does not matter what you discuss, he is going to do exactly what he wants to, when he wants to and how it suits him. Sadly

[ClingingToHope]

Things happen. In our case, the gradual part of the transition was that I spent two months living with a friend so I couldn't have them.

Once I got my place my night was my night. I look around at some sitchs where the non-custodial parents gets meals instead of full nights during the week.

That's worse on the kids. It really marginalizes the non-custodial parent and just jerks the kids around.

I wouldn't ease in gradually. It's sink or swim time. The kids will swim and so will Dan.

Then you can focus on your time with them and not have to worry so much about his time.

I'm going to fight hard to make sure I get to keep my Sunday nights. W wants me to bring them back at 6 p.m. on Sunday. To me, a weekend is Friday, Saturday AND Sunday nights. If I'm somewhere with them on Sunday, I don't have to worry about leaving early so we have to pack up and get back in time.

That's just a power play.

Side question, I remember right after the D became final you were getting some interest on Match and you were exchanging messages with some military guy. Then I missed some posts and there's been no mention.

Just curious. What happened there.

[smith18]

As I have experienced with match, you contact someone and many times, someone drops their end of communication and that is the end. I am one of the worst in pursuit. The lady I keep in touch with tells me that women like to be taken to dinner. Maybe I should start suggesting that.

Bobbi Jo - it sucks that Dan is kind of flakey in following what you guys agreed with in transitioning the kids to a split lifestyle. You are unfairly burdeoned with doing the extra share of the work to help the kids cope with this difficult time.

[ClingingToHope]

I don't want to be seen as supporting a WAS. I don't get why your situation didn't work out. But here's the thing, I think you'll have to trust that Dan will be a good single dad.

I consider myself a great father. I'm totally dedicated to my girls. But W and I didn't totally see eye-to-eye on some things and now I can hear it in her tone when she doesn't approve of this or that.

I've got 10 years of having to deal with her even though I'd rather she move to Alaska.

I'm hoping that unless it is something life-threatening I won't be the type constantly complaining of this or that or getting jealous if they go here or there.

I'm hoping W will be the same.

Really, the less complicated the schedule between you two the better.

[NNP1965]

I agree with whoever said that you should not ease in but his nights should be his nights. The only person who benefited from what happened last night was Dan. The kids still had a rough morning. If they had been at his house he would have gotten to deal with the unpleasantness, but they were at your house so you got to deal with it freeing Dan up, once again to not have to deal with the mess he has made.