To everyone battling cancer, or knows someone that is, I'm sorry. Seems most everyone can claim that. I wish like h*ll we could find a cure and stop losing our loved ones. Thoughts/prayers are with all of you....
just caught up with your days trials. Christ prepares you for it all as you know. His love transcends it. May your strength come from Him. Never heard of Hillel ..until now though.
Thanks, guys. It will be okay. Well, not okay I suppose, but worrying won't change any outcomes, so I decided not to worry.
Very tired, just got home from seeing Bon Jovi with my 2 sisters. My middle sister had to drive 2 1/2 hours to join us so that was pretty special! My oldest sister was in high school during the Bon Jovi heyday so she esp enjoyed it.
I liked the late 80s stuff (Livin on a Prayer, Wanted Dead or Alive) but most of the recent stuff didn't interest me, I kind of wanted to take a nap! Guess I am old...
Kerry thanks for the sushi reference. I think I will try a sushi place without the kids first to see if I like it and whether the place has something I think they would eat....
Today is my 'counseling' day. MIL/FIL usually pick the kids up on Wednesdays and have them for dinner as Weds is usually Dan's night...well FIL called Monday and said he wasn't feeling well and MIL was throwing up so they would be unavailable all week. I just said ok no problem.
They told me the same the past 2 weeks, that they couldn't help with the kids. Which really is fine. I NEVER ask them anymore. Dan can let them help him but I am done letting them help me as there are always strings attached...
Got home from the concert last night and my dad had the kids in bed, said there was a message on the machine from Dan. I listened to it, it was just him saying "I called to tell you guys I Love You, I am in Monterrey (Mexico) and heading in to dinner. Guess I will talk to you tomorrow...good night I love you."
I am sure it was for the kids only but still it was weird to hear the ILY with his voice, when I never hear it anymore.
So anyway I am going to go to counseling and then pick up my kids from daycare, so no "BBJ night" like I normally get on Weds but that ok. I am going to tell/ask the counselor to help me with my goal of moving forward and getting 'unstuck'. To this point we have talked about finishing up the D process, how I am handling the kids, dealing with communications from Dan, etc. But I don't think I have told her how stuck I am.
It is a weird contradiction actually. I cannot imagine a real future with Dan in it. I was watching some couples at the concert last night, holding hands, embracing, a couple kissing (ewww). I can clearly remember doing all of those things with Dan in the past, but I cannot picture doing them with him ever again. Yet at the same time I cannot picture what "Dan-free-future" looks like either....
It is a weird contradiction actually. I cannot imagine a real future with Dan in it. I was watching some couples at the concert last night, holding hands, embracing, a couple kissing (ewww). I can clearly remember doing all of those things with Dan in the past, but I cannot picture doing them with him ever again. Yet at the same time I cannot picture what "Dan-free-future" looks like either....
Think it is time for a road map....
I understand this feeling completely. right now I only have enough light for the step I am on.
I hope you get some guidance & a map
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
It is a weird contradiction actually. I cannot imagine a real future with Dan in it. I was watching some couples at the concert last night, holding hands, embracing, a couple kissing (ewww). I can clearly remember doing all of those things with Dan in the past, but I cannot picture doing them with him ever again. Yet at the same time I cannot picture what "Dan-free-future" looks like either....
Think it is time for a road map....
I can relate. I know my W is going to be in my future (if for nothing else than the kids) but can't get a picture of it. I don't know what to expect. Or why I should expect it. I've been told it turns into indifference.
It does. My ex doesn't even rank on the same plain as the mailman! He is just someone that comes and takes the kids once a week for a few hours and messes with holiday plans and schedules.
Don't talk to him much but when I have to it has become at least cordial. I don't want it to ever be more than that.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
In my case, it is hard for me to imagine a time when I feel no more for Dan than I would for a neighbor or a co-worker. You know, you have a general concern for their well-being but it doesn't affect your daily life and you don't spend much time thinking of them.
And the thing is, I am coming at this from a different angle than a lot of people on this board. My ex and I aren't at each other's throats. There are no restraining orders, no facebook confrontations with OWs or in-laws, etc.
I noticed at my parenting class this weekend that most of the parents there had an adversarial view of their exes. The goal was for them to work at cooperating and being civil/businesslike for the kids. The leader said something about, "Eventually for the kids it would be great if you could both attend sporting events, conferences, etc." without tension/drama. Most of the parents just laughed and did the whole "yeah, right" thing...
We have the opposite problem. Granted things were quite tense when we were living together in KC and I knew he was also with OW. But since moving up here and him moving out, we have gone to the movies together, gone out to dinner together, taken the kids to see Santa together,etc etc. Even the Disney trip together last June!
However that was not a healthy connection, I am learning more and more. Because the extent to which we 'connected' was entirely dependent on Dan. When he wanted together time, we had it. When he wanted to be left alone, he was. He was getting just enough of his needs met with no regard for mine. And I was totally complicit in that, I admit.
Now for the past two months there have been NO family outings of any kind. He hasn't even been to church so we haven't sat together there. That is 90% my doing, I told him I didn't want him in the house hanging out anymore.
The thing is, I know if I wanted to change things I could. If I were open to it, I am sure we could do movies, dinner, etc together again. But it would not be good for me. Because I know it would mean nothing to him in terms of our relationship, but it would send confusing messages to the kids.
So I don't really know what I am working toward with him at this point. We did the 'friendship' thing and I allowed that to hurt me with my own expectations. I don't want to do the enemy thing either. So I need to strive for "co-parent" and leave it at that.
Thanks for letting me ramble, I had a point but don't know what it was....
