Hi I have been following and must chime in. Your guessing is driving me crazy!
If you feel the need for concrete proof or to verify NC: Get Spector Pro, A keylogger for her computer.($100 or so) If you do not have access to her computer, Try Webwatcher, which can be installed via email, I think.
Also, get a VAC, voice activated recorder. Get a small digital. Sony has one for about $40 at walmart. Leave it in her car under the seat or where she is most likely to talk with him. Get good batteries and practice with it first so you can be sure it won't beep or buzz!
Waywards will lie even when presented with such evidence, so this must be for you or OHW. Then drop it. Don't get addicted to it. It isn't healthy.
Oh, and never ID your source, or even all your intel.
This. ^ Stop wasting your -- and our -- time, and just DO THIS, Ken. You don't answer 3/4ths of the questions that people have for you here, nor 90% of the advice.
Sorry Puppy Dog Tails - it's hard to keep up with all the postings here, but yes I did get keylogger and a digital recorder and I have been using them. It seems that my next step is to find out where the OM has his nursing classes and go there and embarrass him. But finding that out is not going to be easy. I agree that my pastor has been passive about his help - unfortunately I think that's how he feels I should be handling the situation. Pray about it, be nice to my wife and hope everything gets better, basically.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
I would start telling his CONGREGATION how he handles affairs amongst its members... somehow I don't think the Pastor would LIKE you doing that, but if he stands by his advice, why not pass it out?
If you want to kick the Pastor in the rump, start sharing is brilliant advice with the members publically and overtly... I suspect he will get more actively involved if his efforts are suddenly under public scruitiny...
I can't imagine his congregation members would approve of his passive attitude...
I would start telling his CONGREGATION how he handles affairs amongst its members... somehow I don't think the Pastor would LIKE you doing that, but if he stands by his advice, why not pass it out?
If you want to kick the Pastor in the rump, start sharing is brilliant advice with the members publically and overtly... I suspect he will get more actively involved if his efforts are suddenly under public scruitiny...I can't imagine his congregation members would approve of his passive attitude...
I wasn't saying what I did in order to gang up on the Pastor, but I just wanted you all to know a tiny bit of what has gone down. I think Ken has too much on his plate right now to worry about trying to cause an uprising in his church.
************************* Ken, I personally wonder if going to OM's place of employment will have any effect unless you can back up what you say to him. I don't think just embarrassing him is enough. In the past, OM has bluffed you out quite a bit. You would not get a RO against him b/c of what he told you, so be sure you are willing to carry through. Also,understand that there is a chance your W will in no way support what you do. Prepare for the worst.
You have made a few "tough love" decisions but you have a tendency to give into being passive and that tears down whatever you tried to do, so that is what you need to realize.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Perhaps confront the pastor in private and let him know of how he's failing his position and congregation...suggest that he take a long hard look at what he's dedicated his life to and what he in turn condones by looking the other way...
My pastor and others in the church feel like there is nothing much they can do to help things. I believe he would be willing to go over and talk to the OM if I asked him to, and I think he has done that, but the OM doesn't listen. Many people have told him to leave my wife alone, but he is very brazen.
Well about my anniversary: I brought home a small card and a small box of chocolates for my wife and she said, "I told you not to get me anything!", and she put the chocolates and the unopened card in the pantry. I also tried to make arrangements for a babysitter so we could go out to eat, but while I was on the phone, she yelled, "I'm not going anywhere with you! There is nothing to celebrate!" I said, "Well I'm going to celebrate my anniversary" and she said, "I wish that day never happened!" Then I left and went to a nice restaurant to eat alone.
She definitely surprised me after what I thought was a pretty good weekend with her. I haven't seen any evidence of her communicating with the OM for three days now.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Well Ken, I thought I suggested you to NOT invite her, to just make teh plan for yourself and make her aware she was welcome to join you... and I thought I said buy a gift for the HOME
You bought HER chocolates and invited her to dinner?
That's a WEE BIT of PURSUIT.. and you got exactly what MWD would have warned you would happen... she fled!
You need to stop the chase.. NOW
OK ken, so re the OM, what is his WIFE doing about all of this? Does he believe something is happening between these two NOW?
