Right now I do not like my life. I hate seeing my children spend time with the manipulative man that is now thier father. I hate being in the house alone and facing weekends competely mute. I hate booking to go to the theatre by myself just so I don't go stark raving mad and worst of all I hate having to pretend that everything is alright when it so clearly isn't.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I know this is hard. One of the things I have done to occupy myself is help others, but the experience hasn't been all positive (note to self: chronically ill people can be MEAN!). I guess we just have to keep trying new activities until we find something that works for us. Yesterday I decided I wanted to start swimming, so I went out and bought a new bathing suit, beautiful beach towels, sandals, gym bag, the works. Now I'm really excited about it.
Thanks for your support Andabelle. Unfortunately I think I've exhausted all the new activities that are avaiable locally. Swimming is great and yes you can do it alone but the point is I DON'T WANT TO. I'm not a person who is happy to be solitary, that's part of the reason why I had a bigger than average family. Look where it got me.
Classic example: Just after I posted last I had an email from my tutor asking if I would like to co-author a paper for publication based on one of the assignments that I recently got really high marks in. This is a very prestigious thing to be asked and I'm really excited about it (and have obviously said yes) but b/c I am home alone for another week yet I had no-one to share that with. One of my primary LL is words of affection etc and I'm not getting my needs met in this way (in fact right now I'm not getting any of my needs met)and it's quite literally driving me loopy.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
The loneliness is very tough. Gut wrenching for the most part. At the beginning of all this I found myself sleeping alot. That has passed and now I have absorbed myself in work or hobbies. I know this has not been what you bargained for. I also hate when my ex has my kids because I feel he is so unstable and careless. Praying for my kids is a daily activity now.
Congrats on your big accomplishment. You are not alone...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Thank you T. I know deep down I am not alone I just hate sitting in this house all by myself. It's only normally for a week at a time but b/c D14 has been ill and she wanted to stay with me when at her worst XH has insisted that she stay two weeks with him. Ironically when she was ill and he was trying to manipulate her she stood up to him and reminded him that she was old enough to make up her own mind. Now she is well however she seems to be letting him walk all over over again. So very sad.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Late evening on Thurs S17 sent me a txt asking if he could stay. I naturally said yes but asked why. He said he didn't feel welcome at XHs. I knew from earlier in the week that they were in dispute over S17 not tidying his room. Long story short S17 did stay the night but didn't come in until 4.30am on Friday morning as he had been out celebrating with his GF over her exam results. I was not impressed.
When XH found out S17 was staying with me he sent me a txt saying to make sure S17 went to college on Friday. This annoyed me BUT I let it go b/c S17 has a habit of only asking to stay when he knows he isn't going to be home until early hours of the morning despite knwoing that it makes me mad.
XH tried to tell me how I should handle the situation and this went on until mid mornig on Friday after I let him know that S17 wouldnt get out of bed and after being an hour and half late for work following trying to get him to go I had given up.
His key phrase had been 'I suggest that...' and this had really started to pee me off. When he finalyy suggested that I set boundaries I flipped. I sent the following txt:
'Don't you think I haven't tried that?. No offence but you have no part in my life now so plese don't continue to tell me what I should or shouldn't do. You wnated out, you got it, be content with that'
Funnily enough I haven't heard from him since
Today was Mother's Day. D19 had arranged for her and the other two to comee round and she was cooking lunch. S17 sebt her txt to say he was cathcing a bus and D14 would be there a little later. When he arrived he had a big bag with him. D14 was due to come home from XHs today so I assumed it was her's. It turns out it was full of his clothes. He asked if he could stay as the arguement with XH was still rumbling on. It's a petty arguement over a few clothes on a bedroom floor, he is a teenager, there are other more important thigs in life but it seems XH and OW have yet to remember that. It was the best Mother's Day present I could have had!
I've told him I won't be a pushover while he hides away from his dad and I reminded him that there will be ground rules (which he didn't like). He told me this is only a temporary arrangement and I'm sure before long he will be back at XHs. Meanwhile though XH must be really sweating over the child maintenance payments he gets from me as it goes a long way to paying his mortgage. Maybe a few clothes on the floor in the future will be less important especially if OW has to go back to work cos my payments have stopped.
Life sure is 'interesting' post D.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Wow! Wow! This is a good example of your never being quite free of him because you have children together, but I loved your reply to him -- sure silenced him, 'eh! Although, 'I suggest' you be more offensive, rather than 'no offense'. LOL
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
i am glad it worked out like that for you. that would have made my day also. you are handling things great, chin up...
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Mother's Day did not quite end on a high. S17 did his usual trick of not coming home from work (even though I offered to pick him up). In fact he didn't come home until 6am the next morning. This was despite me txting asking to know at least where he was and that he was safe. I wasn't worried until his GF txt me at 2.30am asking if he was at home b/c she had been talking to him right up to 1.30am and then he had just stopped answering her calls and txt. He had told her he was home with me. Really he was at a club.
When he did come in I decided not to scream and shout as he would have expected but I calmly asked him if he was ok and then enquired where he had been. His reply to the second bit was 'walking'.
V long story short we sat and had a heart to heart over breakfast, just he and I, and it seems he trusts no-one (and I mean no-one). It broke my heart to hear what he was sahying but I let him get it all out. (or at least as much as he was prepared to let out). I think we may have had a breakthrough b/c when he came home he was all for going out and trying to rent a flat now, for the time being at least, he is staying.
X has not even contacted him to see how he is.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Why do you let S17 come in so late especially since it bothers you so? If he is going to be home tell him that he must be home by X o'clock or the doors will be bolted. This is your house and he needs to show respect and consideration.
Don't know why you need to let that go in any way shape or form or is that me just being all American??
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Although, 'I suggest' you be more offensive, rather than 'no offense'. LOL