I am just reading this for the first time so bear with me. Maybe I need to go back and reread some older parts of your sich but my initial take on this is that you are trying to control this MLC/QLC. You have certain deadlines that are in place that MUST be met. April 15. Renewing H lease. IMHO your H is trying to reconnect with you. However you are exerting pressure from the deadlines. He may get done by the deadlines he may not. I think the pressure could extend his time in the tunnel, so that may have been counterproductive.
Does anyone else read this the way I do or AM I missing something?
I have to agree with OP. It does appear that he is coming out of the tunnel, but there is some pressure being placed on him. Not a lot, but possibly enough to push him in the wrong direction.
I like the IM/email conversation following the email. It really sounds like he is returning from the bottom....there is obvious remorse and guilt.
This is a tricky time DMK......it will be interesting to see how things continue to progress.
Well, we have date night scheduled for this weekend.
H has been talking more about his job, how it was a mistake to work there, and he'd rather be living in our old, tiny house all together and poor rather than the current situation - his job is just too rough on him schedule-wise.
I asked him what would be so bad about living together in our new, not-so-tiny house? I've told him that we can afford it even if he takes a job with a pay cut - I'm still due a raise from my promotion last August so I hope to be making a bit more soon (he doesn't know this) plus since I'm working on my MBA I might have more job security. He said "nothing, it's just doing it"
I said "yeah, the putting one foot in front of the other is sometimes the hard part."
He says "I think I've been doing some of that, don't you?"
So I told him I'd get a sitter for some night this weekend and we'll see what happens...
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I am just reading this for the first time so bear with me. Maybe I need to go back and reread some older parts of your sich but my initial take on this is that you are trying to control this MLC/QLC. You have certain deadlines that are in place that MUST be met. April 15. Renewing H lease. IMHO your H is trying to reconnect with you. However you are exerting pressure from the deadlines. He may get done by the deadlines he may not. I think the pressure could extend his time in the tunnel, so that may have been counterproductive.
Does anyone else read this the way I do or AM I missing something?
I just saw this reply this morning.
Lately, I'm not focusing so much on the deadlines (except my own! Lots of homework for my first MBA class :)). I actually filed my own taxes so that I could file a FAFSA, and I'll amend if I need to to MFJ, or pay off H's balance from my refund if needed.
So, I'm just going with it for a while.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I have to agree with OP. It does appear that he is coming out of the tunnel, but there is some pressure being placed on him. Not a lot, but possibly enough to push him in the wrong direction.
I like the IM/email conversation following the email. It really sounds like he is returning from the bottom....there is obvious remorse and guilt.
This is a tricky time DMK......it will be interesting to see how things continue to progress.
This is true... I'm just turning up the charm for now. And cooking dinner whenever he's over.
One thing I notice, he laughs at my jokes more. Or maybe it's that I actually feel comfortable enough WITH him to relax and joke.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I don't know so much any more that he's "traditional" MLC... the depression is there for sure, but no OW, no crazy spending, and he's still all about the kids... The depression just oozes through the phone when he's at work. He told me last week he feels like a dog that's been beat.
I'm just trying to be one less person that's making him feel beaten down, because that's exactly where I was when we started the process. I was stuck in my own rut, and now I'm happy (and was even before H started to act more like himself).
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
I'm just sitting here and thinking and I want you to know that I'm extremely sorry for all of the pain and frustration I've caused you over the last year.
My response:
Thank you. You have no idea how much I appreciate you saying that.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
So, I was all set to move my butt to Piecing, since that seems to be where we were headed. H still seemed so tentative, I was afraid to get my hopes up about anything. We even had some "intimate relations" this weekend. But then yesterday, I text him to see if he wants to go see a movie, and he acts all weird. So I decide I'm done with the drama he is causing in my life, and I'll go dark as best I can.
Not too much longer (this afternoon) he calls and says he wants to talk to me before he goes to work tonight. I knew some bomb was coming. I'm expecting the "I don't feel like moving back in after all."
Nope, it's the OW bomb! The one I've been convincing myself isn't coming because he couldn't keep a secret for almost a whole year. It's the person I figured he was seeing when her number kept popping up on his phone (he said it was her XBF) but it became physical after I served him with divorce papers (sure, I know cheaters tell the truth).
But, it's over as of last week (even though he's been telling me he wants to work on things, even though we've had sex a couple of times). I told him if he wants to work on things he has to move in soon. There can be no contact with her at all. She is done, she is gone, she is not going to be a part of his life. He agreed with all of this (because cheaters can be believed, right?). He seemed honestly remorseful for the pain he has put me through even before the affair started when it was just phonecalls.
For the first time in a year he actually reminds me of my husband. He held me when I cried. I thought about hitting him, but the kids were in the room :P He said he felt like he had to tell me in order to move forward with the M, that it's been eating away at him.
He acknowledged that he's been a complete POS to me for the past year. That I've been a good wife, and that I AM STILL a good wife. And he wants this to be an event, not a pattern (he was super-husband up until he picked up the friendship with this coworker).
I mean, it's not like I didn't really know. Hell, it feels better to know I wasn't CRAZY!
Where do I go from here? I'm spinning a bit. We're going to talk a bit more later when things calm down at his work.
Me - 30, H - 32 T - 10, M - 6, D - 1 DD#1 - 4, DD#2 - 2 on/off OW 4/09 - sometime Summer 2010 (Told me about OW 4/10) Separated 6/11/09, divorced 8/4/10, trying again 9/2011
