Lost - thank you. Yes I am detaching and becoming a better person but I still feel like I have but my life on hold for someone who right now show NO (and I mean NO) emotions towards me at all. I am just a wallet right now. Just a care taker and nothing more. In my opinon the only way to save myself may be to call it a day. I also need to heal and this is very tough to do in the same house with someone who shows u nothing but disrespect. Once again, I acknowledge my errors and I am not trying to paint her as a monster but quite frankly I did not do some of the things that she is doing. I did not.
It's only for the kids at this point. Only for the kids. I have almost gotten to the point that I cannot stand the sight of her. She pretty much disgusts me. Yet in a weird way I want to thank her for pushing me to finally address my issues. I guess my way of saying thank you is sitting here and dealing with this.
Personally, I do not think that the M can be salvaged. Nor do I believe that a new M can come from this. At least not for a long time.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Remember how long you have been married, and how long she put up with "your BS".......but you can feel free to throw in the towel now if you want Eric.
Just remember the length of your stand.....and if you want to feel you did all you can, evaluate your stand based on that...
I know for me, I feel like I did all that I personally could do......and I have no regrets regarding our marriage.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
Good morning everyone -
Last night was very interesting. W came home and I tried to appologize and was given the finger and told "I'll talk to you later". I went to the gym with the boys and when I got home she was on the phone again with her EA friend. Who knows if it is a PA. I have to say that I bite my tounge but expect that she will contact a L in the next day or so (she is off on Wed and Thurs). She is completely disconnected and quite frankly I've really had enough of this. I do love her and my kids but I also love myself and I cannot continue to be treated like a piece of sh*t. I know that I am angry but I think I'm really getting close to the point that I am done. I understood that some of things that I did in the past were wrong. It is not MY fault that she did not have boundaries. It is MY fault that I did not work on my issues until now. She also spoke to her friend that directed her to a lawyer the last time. They have not spoken in a while so i suspect that she will move forward with the D if for no other reason but so that she can begin a PA with the EA person. Knowing her she would not want to sin against GOD by having a PA while she is married. So i suspect that by moving forward with the D she will at least have some piece of mind. I also believe that she will suggest that I stay in the house since she understands that financially it would make more sence. I am not sure I am ready to do that but if it means being with my D then I think I'm up for it. I will say that the phone calls with the co-worker are a little tough to handle but I know that this is a normal feeling that i am going thru. This grieving process really stinks. I am very close to contacting my attny and starting the process first but I will not do anything until I cool off.
....Understand, that I can't, not be what I am I'm not the milk, and Cheerios in your spoon ~ Avril Lavigne ~ ..."Nobody's Fool"...
Don't put your life on hold. Do what you need to do for yourself. It sounds like you are getting that and making those changes, and honestly that process of feeling like your life is not on hold does take time. I am finally getting there, and still not completely. The more you take your focus off of her, the easier it becomes.
same house with someone who shows u nothing but disrespect. Once again, I acknowledge my errors and I am not trying to paint her as a monster but quite frankly I did not do some of the things that she is doing. I did not.
Quote:
It's only for the kids at this point. Only for the kids. I have almost gotten to the point that I cannot stand the sight of her. She pretty much disgusts me.
Quote:
I will date
All of this is coming from the angry part of you…
Quote:
I cannot sit here a just wait while she is off emotionally (and who knows if it is physical) finding satisfaction with another
And this is the major reason causing it.
Until you stop being angry because she is having an A, you will not be able to heal. Not because she is in the house, but because you are allowing her actions to keep you stuck.
Quote:
As so I do look at things from her perspective.
I am not so sure that you do…
How long did you live in the same house and show her disrespect? From her perspective that is?
Are you better than you W Eric? Honestly, just because you didn’t do the same things… Don’t you think she might have been just as hurt?
Quote:
Personally, I do not think that the M can be salvaged. Nor do I believe that a new M can come from this. At least not for a long time.
If this is truly what you believe, then you might as while file.
The phoenix rises from the ashes Eric…
Hard to believe but it is true and it is beautiful...
Just like a restored M can be beautiful, but you have to let it all die first…
You were doing much better than this...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Eric, I can say this,.... think things through before you act. Good rule of thumb is 24 to 48 hours, often you might feel differently after you sleep on it.
Of course comming here works too.
Time and Patience my friend, these 2 things need to be your best friends, get to know them well.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
show NO (and I mean NO) emotions towards me at all.
Quote:
Just a care taker and nothing more.
Quote:
someone who shows u nothing but disrespect.
How long did your wife feel this way? For how many years Eric?
Quote:
I cannot stand the sight of her
Quote:
She pretty much disgusts me
Welcome to what she has feels. For how many years Eric? It sucks doesn't it....it hurts right to your soul. You are angry...the pain is overbearing...For how many years Eric by your own admission?
Quote:
I did not do some of the things that she is doing
Whether you rob a store by gun point or embezzle money from the accounts....it is still stealing! What you did was different, but painful none the less.
Quote:
Personally, I do not think that the M can be salvaged. Nor do I believe that a new M can come from this. At least not for a long time.
You aren't here to save your marriage...maybe that is the problem....delusion. You are here to save yourself...deal with your issues....and maybe...just maybe....you will have a new marriage.
So I ask...How does it feel to wear her shoes by your own admission?
Even though I don't think you need more people posting to you.. I think you need to stop typing and start printing the advice you have been given & maybe re read it.
I have read some of your stuff, and you are the Latin guy who married the good girl from jersey, and now she is not acting so good, and now you are done?
AND that is all good and fine.. B/c I am divorced and happy and I know that being done can be a blessing..
I think the bigger blessing is the picture that you may be missing, and you may be missing it be b/c your Latin ego is in the way. All of the above said with all due respect.
Born and raised Latin, once married to a Latin, and I can say, you guys are not easy to live with....!
Don't mean to generalize..
My prayer for you is that you stop looking past the chip on your shoulder and concentrate on chipping it away one day at a time.
I also pray that you get to look at your wife as the beautiful, well respected, equal partner that she so desperately wants to be in your eyes.
Is she going about getting that status from you the wrong way?
YUP.
But the time for her to learn her lesson, and go thru her trial and tribulations will come to her when her time comes..
Now is the time of your lesson....
Now is the time, you know to work on you.. That has been typed on your thread like it's going out of damn style ... Read that ish...
Stop focusing on the shiznazz that she is doing... I know, I know , how dare she talk on the phone to that guy in your damn house? the nerve?
I may get glaucoma from the eye rolling.. oooops
anywhoo,
You want to go have some fun, and do your thang!
Then go ahead.... I will give you a suggestion though.
Instead of going out partying with your "friends" b/c I think you have been there and done that, and the didn't bring you any good karma....
You may want to do a 180 and enroll you and your daughter to a pottery class, or an art class or something free and the library.
Or if you have a son you may want to join the YMCA for some boxing :-)
do something productive, that will leave you with a sense of accomplished purpose instead of with a hangover....
Don't get me wrong out for drinks is great fun.... BUT maybe your GAL goals can be a 180.
You wanna fly right? then give up the shitte that weighs you down.. (toni morrison)
Lissett
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
All I can say is WAM, WACK, POW - okay everyone is right. I need to sit and digest all of this....
Mach - your the man (sorry Jack :))and I know you know how I feel!
KS - your right...i do feel though like I am getting close to feeling like i've done everything I could. I will admit though I'm there yet.
Trusting - as always...calm, smooth and sweet. You are doll!
Cat - You always know just want to say to make me think a little bit longer. Thank you again!
Missher - Promise I will wait the 48 hrs. - Promise.
Lost - thanks man!
Lissie - thank you.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
