New Year brings exciting news

[ACJ]

Yes Andabelle there is a possibility that she is allergic to the antibiotics. Thankfully now she is no longer on them. She is like a different child today, her recovery is miraculous.

As for X..... He responded personally to the letter from my L as he is no longer using the services of an L himself. He admitted in his reply that he was being very dictatorial (bad move honey . My L was quite clear in her response to me that he definately doesn't know the law relating to children and told me to go ahead with what we had discussed yesterday. She said she could enlighten XH if I wanted but she didn't think he would listen and so I would be wasting both time and money. Of course if he make matters worse she will interject.

And so the saga continues...........

[BeingMe]

So glad your daughter is doing well. Yay! And, your XH continues to prove his dufusness. Odd sodd, he is!

[kat727]

How are you Alison? And how is your daughter doing? Hope all is well. do you start your new job soon?

kat

[ACJ]

Hi Kat,
Thanks for asking I am fine and my daughter can go back to school just as soon as her wound heals. My new job starts on 29th March.

XH continues to be an ass! His latest 'trick' is to tell S17 that if he gets an apprenticeship he wil 'give' him the flat in a couple of years time. He is currently renting the flat at a loss (or so he says) and it is in negative equity so S17 would effectively be taking on an £85,000 mortgage at 19/20.

My reaction? I had two initial ones:

What about your sisters what help is he going to give them?
Why would you want to tie yourslef down at such a young age with a whopping mortgage (which he won't be able to afford)at such a young age?

Ironically the only reason I found out about all this is b/c S17 skipped college again yesterday based on this convo with XH. He thought it a better use of his time to look for an apprenticeship than go to college.
I let XH know that S17 had skipped school again and he was expectedly furious but I don't suppose for one minute he will take r esponsibility for his part in it.

[Andabelle]

If your son skipped college to go looking for an apprenticeship immediately... does that mean he is buying into his dad's scheme? I know your X hasn't done anything for your eldest D, but that hasn't seemed to bother him in the past. Doesn't he see his dad isn't doing him any favors-- if your X can't afford the flat, how on earth will he?! Particularly since he won't be making much as an apprentice.

As some point your S and youngest D are going to start feeling seriously used. I mean, wow-- what sort of man plays his kids this way?! When the penny finally drops, they're going to be FURIOUS with him.

Is your youngest D moving back in with him now that she's on the mend, or will she be staying with you?

[ACJ]

Andabelle,

I even went so far as to point out to S17 the devisiveness of XHs actions. S17 said he had already spoken to D14 about it and she was 'cool'. however at 14 she obviously won't realise the full implications. He also said he isn't looking forward to having to tell D19 at which point I said if his dad had really thought this through he wouldn't be putting S17 in that position. I was extremely bold and also asked him to question why his dad would want him to do that. He asked me what I meant and I said I thought his dad was trying to buy his love by rewarding S17 for being 'loyal' and punishing D19 for not. This provoked a very prolonged silence!

Eventually I suggested to him that he speak to other people that he knows who are parents to ask them for their take on the sithc. I know he has done this b/c I had a friend staying last might and he asked her when I went out the room to make a drink. I hpe he asks afew more as hopefully he will get a few answer that he hadn't bargained o. My friend asked him why at 19/20 he would want to be tied donw with a flat when he could be off travelling and exploring the world.

D14 has bowed to XHs pressure to go stay with him this week even though it was officially my turn to have her. I've still made a point of taking her to her nurse appointments though (much to XHs disgust) and she has spent a lot of time here.

I'm playing the long game. I know that eventually my two younger children will see through XHs actions but I'm not looking forward to having to pick up the pieces.

[kat727]

The hardest thing is to let them deal with their own mess. The kids relationship with their Dad is just that...theirs. I jump in when the kids ask me or tell me but for the most part I let him deal with the chaos and havoc he has created. I know, easier said than done.

Thinking of you. kat

[BeingMe]

I'm playing the long game. I know that eventually my two younger children will see through XHs actions but I'm not looking forward to having to pick up the pieces.

You may not have to pick up any pieces because he's the one that will fall apart. Although, it seems, he only cares if they are malleable to his word. This will only last until they are hitting the 20's and then they will tell him to take a hike. But, of course, he will have his new little family. I feel sorry for the new baby.

[ACJ]

By picking up the pieces I meant being for them when they realise that thier dad is not who they thought he was.

BM I too feel incredibly sad for the new baby.

[TRUSTING]

I have seen my kids have to face the fact that their father is not who they thought he was. It is tough. They get clingy and depressed. For example, my son is in college. His father agreed to pay a percentage of his tuition at the beginning of the year but just last week decided to back out of this. My son was devastated. My ex has just come back from a cruise. This is his 3rd trip this year. I don't talk bad about ex at all, but offer my support and a listening ear as well as my checkbook on many occassions. It is hard on everyone.