She must be seeing a lawyer...what now?

[Awoken]

Just in case I can get some more varied input to my current question, I'm posting it again to bump it. I hope some of you that used to post on my thread might chime in again.

I'm disgusted and tired. I know I've only been at this for four months, and many of you have been here so much longer. I'm worried that my detachment is taking me to a place with busting this divorce matters nothing to me. My urge right now is to call my lawyer first thing in the morning and find out what we can do to get the process moving. I know she has not heard back from my w's lawyer.

I still believe in marriage; I still don't think divorce is the way the handle problems in a marriage. Pushing the divorce now, could be what I need to do to show W what she stands to lose. But on the other hand, maybe I need to draw the divorce process out as long as possible?

I have to consider the continued risk of her drinking and being of meds, but so far it does not appear to be getting worse, and maybe it's improved a little.

This feels like a crossroad decision: push the divorce or try to wait it out.
Friends, what are your thoughts?

[givingitmyall]

Thanks Sister!

Thanks Gima:
I agree with what you are saying. I think it's possible for me to continue with my own life, and not hasten the divorce, as hard as it will be. At this point, I have almost nothing to do with W, except for co-parenting and splitting house bills. It looks like little of that will change once we D, except I we will not share a home.

I think my question still stands, but I'll think hard about what you said. Thanks as always, my friend.

You have just described my current existence. And, I am getting pretty good at it, unfortunately. Fire away with any questions. It's a tough place if you don't have your focus on the right direction - FORWARD.

[Sister]

Awoken - was thinking about another conversation we had and ran across this in Gardener's thread - didn't know if you had seen it, but thought you could use this...

cth,

So what are modern rules on something like this. We're both still married so I don't think it's appropriate to just call her up and ask her out. She is on FaceBook -- I got her last name before she left. I was considering just sending her a friend invite and saying it was great to meet her.

As you may know, after my premature "crash and burn episode,"my current philosophy/approach is now two-fold:

It was recommended (I forget where) to go through one year alone. One cycle:1 Christmas, 1 New Years, 1 Valentines' Day, 1 Thanksgiving, etc.

I plan on doing this.

Healing time: Who IS Gardener? - alone?

And I've got a lot of 180ing and GALing, self-improvement yet to do.

The "Modern Rules?"
What are ClingingToHope's (hopefully well-thought-out) rules?

I plan on just discovering writing, and living my life for the most part and "seeing who shows up".** I want NO exclusive relationships (the occasional casual, sure) , but right now, I admit to a strong need and desire for female company and conversation. That's all. (well, not really, ALL wink ), but the the other has been absent for so long, I can wait a bit longer until it's right and replete with affection, nurturing, concern, etc., and not just a physical/mindless/soul-less act.

But, hey, that's just me. smile

** In your case, she showed up. Nothing wrong with talking, learning. Being interested. Just Don't Pursue!

What do you want from her? From you? From you with her?

Why - really why - do you not want to let this pleasant, positive, casual encounter with this not-the-only-woman-in-the-world just be? Something nice that happened to CTH. Period. Why have to build on it?
Do it again. Somewhere else. Somewhere WAY outside your comfort zone!

What's the more? here, for ClingingToHope? What's the need? Why the her? (Because she showed interest in ClingingToHope? (self-esteem)?

Just askin'. So you'll ask.

Ask your questions. Then answer them. Answers will come. Act on them.

As always, more-than-you-needed-or-wanted-to-know, crazy

[Awoken]

BUMP
This feels like a crossroad decision: push the divorce or try to wait it out.
Friends, what are your thoughts?

[luvless]

I'm exactly where you are at so I can't offer you advice. I'm still contemplating what to do myself

[flowmom]

Awoken, I think you can feel done on the inside without taking immediate action on the outside. Could you give yourself one week to just be with being done on the inside?

[crushed_v95]

I think flowmom gives good advice.

It seems common for people (I'm a perfect example) to feel completely *done* one day and a few days later they might not be so *done*.

I'm taking the advice and waiting a week or two before filing, even if no one else does.

[flowmom]

Bumping for Awoken who really wants input from his peeps!

Just in case I can get some more varied input to my current question, I'm posting it again to bump it. I hope some of you that used to post on my thread might chime in again.

I'm disgusted and tired. I know I've only been at this for four months, and many of you have been here so much longer. I'm worried that my detachment is taking me to a place with busting this divorce matters nothing to me. My urge right now is to call my lawyer first thing in the morning and find out what we can do to get the process moving. I know she has not heard back from my w's lawyer.

I still believe in marriage; I still don't think divorce is the way the handle problems in a marriage. Pushing the divorce now, could be what I need to do to show W what she stands to lose. But on the other hand, maybe I need to draw the divorce process out as long as possible?

I have to consider the continued risk of her drinking and being of meds, but so far it does not appear to be getting worse, and maybe it's improved a little.

This feels like a crossroad decision: push the divorce or try to wait it out.
Friends, what are your thoughts?

[flowmom]

bump

[Gardener]

Awoken,

Several thoughts:

I also agree that flowmom's got this one pegged.

Four months is not a long time (I know - it's an eternity. We've all felt that.).

Here's Gypsy's oft-repeated approach:

If it feels right, do it
If it feels wrong, don't
If you're waffling or unsure, don't

You're asking the question/listing the options

This feels like a crossroad decision: push the divorce or try to wait it out.

Until and unless you wake up one morning and every fiber of your being is screaming,"push the divorce!," I say don't. Isn't Michelle's guideline one month of DBing for every year of marriage as the average timeframe in successful busters?

have to consider the continued risk of her drinking and being of meds, but so far it does not appear to be getting worse, and maybe it's improved a little.

Don't kid yourself here - until she gets some REAL help, the problem is still there. It just hasn't reared it's ugly head lately. It doesn't matter that it "does not appear to be getting worse" - it's bad enough as it is. Of course, she's the only one that can help herself. Just keep in mind the effect on your kids.

However, this is a big Sword of Damocles hanging over your sitch.

Hang in there. No part of our sitches is ever easy.