WAW now pregnant.....not mine

[GH31]

Maybe I'm wrong, but my thinking is that if she is sincere in truly wanting to reconcile she will stop the R with the OM.

?

What could you possibly be wrong about?

Your marriage doesn't stand a chance while there is still contact between OM and your wife, kid or no kid.

My fear is that if I offer to attempt a reconciliation (and I'm no where near that yet) she might accept, but not for the right reasons.

You are absolutely justified in having this fear. Everything has its own reason for existing.

More because she needs financial support and needs someone to pay (literally, not figuatively) for her child.

Now whatever gave you that idea?

Experience perhaps?

I'm not interested in being the backup plan

Good.

Ensure you communicate that to your wife with action and not words.

GH31

[MarkG]

Sounds like a good thought that needs more thought. #1 is if she's still seeing OM do not let her move home. She needs to pick 1 or the other, and if she says if she has to choose that it's not you then you need to let her go. There is a much greater chance of success if it's done this way.

[Curveball]

I had another thought today....this is just a thought! I could ask my atty, but she would bill me around $200 just for her answer

Can you do a 'post' nuptial agreement???

As I'm going through the D process W is being extremely considerate with regard to division of assets, child support, etc. IF a reconciliation was attempted (and failed) would she be so considerate the 2nd time around?? Maybe not. So, could these items be spelled out and agreed to in the event a D did happen?

[marriedCrazy]

I had another thought today....this is just a thought! I could ask my atty, but she would bill me around $200 just for her answer

Can you do a 'post' nuptial agreement???

As I'm going through the D process W is being extremely considerate with regard to division of assets, child support, etc. IF a reconciliation was attempted (and failed) would she be so considerate the 2nd time around?? Maybe not. So, could these items be spelled out and agreed to in the event a D did happen?

How ironic? Because I've often wondered the same thing. But I think that I know my answer already.

When she was in the fog of the A; she was willing to give me anything. Since the baby has been born and she had to work out a child support/custody agreement with XOM; she lawyered for that and is much smarter and cognizant of what she can get.

Sometimes I wish that I had been able to divorce her while she was in the fog. There's always that chance to get back together after a divorce....

[GH31]

Can you do a 'post' nuptial agreement???

Yes.

Find out how it's done and get one drawn up if you decide to go down this route.

[Curveball]

Thanks GH (Mark and married also) for you comments. At this point (today at least ) I'm not considering going down this route. This morning when I dropped off the youngest and was getting ready to get my oldest on the school bus, W comes downstairs and is talking to OM on phone. Nothing major, but just another reason why I'm not interested.

Later today she calls me at work about wanting to make dinner tomorrow night (for me, the kids and her parents), then broke down saying she was sorry and still loved me. I remained calm, cool, etc and basically refused to discuss our R (as we don't have one anymore in my mind...other than co-parenting). I think she is starting to realize what a mess she has made for herself and our girls. Too bad it took her getting pregnant to realize it.

[Steve McQueen]

This morning when I dropped off the youngest and was getting ready to get my oldest on the school bus, W comes downstairs and is talking to OM on phone. Nothing major, but just another reason why I'm not interested.

gross. you flick her the bird?

[Curveball]

No, I'm getting used to things like that (unfortunately). I guess that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm just working on controlling what I can control and not worrying about what I can't.

It's kinda hard to do at times, but I'm trying.

My parents 40th anniversary party is tomorrow....so it's really hard right now.

[Curveball]

Those of you who were in a similar situation as me and reconciled with their W....how did you do it? While my W's behavior hasn't been exemplary the last 2-3 weeks, she has been showing (what I think to be) geniune remorse. Today she point blank told me she has royally screwed up her life, mine and our kids and wants to come home. I again told her I wasn't interested.

I truly want what is best for my kids. I just don't know if I could live with myself if I attempt to reconcile though. I'm not talking about pride either, I've kicked that to the curb awhile back. Some say love is a choice. Right now, no matter how hard I try, I can't choose love.

Any suggestions, ideas, etc???

[crushed_v95]

Curveball:

One of the reasons I enjoy coming here is the ability to read stories which are actually worse than my story. That's not an insult, by the way. My hat is off to you for your devotion to your wife.

Nobody knows what's best for your kids (including your wife) except you. Personally, I think love has to grow between two people and I'd bet that you'll have a very difficult time cultivating this sort of bond without a lot of time and help from this woman who has proven so selfish and deceptive.

Whatever you choose, my best wishes to you and your girls.

Peace...

CV_95