Potential infidelity is the kicker Eric. If it were not for that, your waffling would not be so intense, eh?
Yet, if your wife came to you sometime here in the near future and expressed remorse and a desire to fix what was broken, would you be able to work through the potential infidelity issue?
I'm just saying this...
When we find out our wife is involved with someone else, we are crushed. It's the ultimate betrayal and it hurts like nothing else ever has. Part of us wants vengeance, part wants to believe that she committed the deal breaker, part just wants to curl up into a ball.
I think we all go through that.
And yet, many, many people find the ability to overcome such a difficult issue and manage to rebuild a marriage one day.
I can't imagine that it's been long enough, that you've reached a good enough place personally yet, to know which way you will go.
Don't burn bridges now.
We want action and decisions, and we want them now. (except if we really think about the actions and decisions we would get right NOW, we wouldn't really want them at all)
Time.
Work. On you.
Strengthen yourself and put your focus where it can do some good, for both you and your kids.
Work on becoming someone she would be a fool to leave (knowing that right now she's foolish enough to choose to leave - but her outlook will change with time and distance too).
This is a process. Painful. But a process.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Like do I really have the stomach for this...should I just say F* it and go live my life.
Originally Posted By: ericmsant2
What a stuggle. By the way tonight is the one of my goals - dinner with friends.
Be wary of the advice of good freinds. They dont want to see you hurting and they may offer up the quick solution - get a D. Remember, your W is getting similar advice from her female friends and it is a load of crap. Stuff like..."you deserve better honey", "dump his sorry ass", "I am so much happier now that I am single", yada yada yada.
Stick it out. You will gain emotional strength over time.
Just consider this as a sabatical from female companionship.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Jack - you are right the old me was impatient, pompus and controling. The new me is not...okay still a little patient, which is the killer for me right now. That and the thought of my wife in the arms of someone esle but therein lines my problem. I need to stop looking at her and just move on - loving her from a distance and accepting that she is lost.
C-Bart - I know that i can begin living my life now. I do but I'm still at a point where I miss my W and I know you guys understand this. The feeling of lost will pass with time as I begin to accept the fact that my old M is dead.
Bill - as u mentioned the feeling of betrayal is immense. The sight of seeing her happy, with a glow on her face as she speaks to the OM is tough but something that I will need to deal with regardless of what happens. I just need to remind myself that this is about ME and not about her. I read some of your older post so I know you know how I feel.
Kerry - I've cutoff quite a few friends, mostly because everyone thinks I'm idiot for trying to stick thru this. Actually, let me clarify that...every sigle one of my friends with the exception of TWO think I'm ass. Trust me that this does not help with the feelings of loniliness that I have.
OP - thanks man. They are my world...right now I think I'm smoothering them a bit but can't help it. I spent so many years working long hours so that she could raise them (another point of anger - sorry) that I missed out on a lot. I also missed out because as Jack pointed out i was a pompus, outgoing, networking at work prick. The new guys does not do that. By the way..how far r u from Albany/Colony?
In closing, I know I need to be patient and I also know that I am not at a point that I should give up. In this process I need to find what I'm really made of. I say I love my wife...but do I love her enough to stand - that is the question that I need to ask myself. I think I do...but honestly I just don't know right now.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Actually, let me clarify that...every sigle one of my friends with the exception of TWO think I'm ass. Trust me that this does not help with the feelings of loniliness that I have.
You will discover who your friends truely are. You might discover that you weren't a very good friend and strive to improve that.
Everyone seems to see this as a horrible time at first.
View this as the hellfire that burns away all that is worthless and unneeded in you. Iron goes through hell to become steel.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Thanks Lost. Those who really know me know that I am a fighter but what I now realize is that I lost the fighting spirit in me over the course of my marraige. I know need to find where i lost this guy. I used to be funny - now I come accorss as a depressed sorry bast*rd. These are the things that I need to find again. They are also the reasons why my W feel in love with me to begin with. She mentioned a few months ago, that I used to make her laugh and now I do not. As I have "peeled back" the onion I realize this now. Some of the 180 changes that I made where and are not me. Case in point my wanting to make her breakfast everyday. Every now and then is one thing but daily...I think not. This was clearly manipulative and guess what, I now know that she saw right thur it. It actually probably made my sitch a little worst. So..I need to fit my "set" and make sure that I do want I need to do but not come across as a pompus ass. Yep...I'm peeling back the layers - some of what I see I do not like.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
