Very interesting to say the least. On the MLC side we do tend to focus more on mental and emotional growth.....but for a culture with a basis of the male "machismo" MCL db'ing doesn't really fit in.
So Eric are you defined by the man or the culture?
Trapt - believe it or not this is actually a 180 for me. I was a good dad but worked a lot and really did not spend as much time as I should have with my kids. W was home for the boys for the first 8 yrs and then worked part time when D8 was born. So she really enjoyed them. I was busy working on a career, traveling and pretty much being an a** (you know typical male imaturity issues). So part of my 180 is trying to be the best Dad I can be. I also really do enjoy being a little bit of a Mr Mom. I am not sure if W like this or care but I enjoy it. My D8 is my world and the boys 14 and 16 have started to connect with me a little more (they LOVE W - adore her and she them) but it was tough at first. They have seen me cry and become a different person overnight. On several occassion the oldest said he wanted the old dad back. The one who would get hammer in his backyard. I explained to him that that guy no longer existed but that the new Dad was still just as cool. The boys kinda of know what is going on - my daughter not so much so. In Jan W said she wanted to tell them and I said tell them what. She said she wanted to tell them that "we decided" and told her that I did not "decided" and did not agree with this. I also did not agree that she should say that "she decided" - I told her I did not know what we should say. Sorry for the long response.
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
So part of my 180 is trying to be the best Dad I can be. I also really do enjoy being a little bit of a Mr Mom. I am not sure if W like this or care but I enjoy it
The key being that you enjoy it! Doesn't really matter what anybody else thinks.
Lost - I am defined by the man...actually the man that I want to be not the man that I am right now. Although someone did tell me that I have already "stared down the worst and I'm still standing". So maybe I am defined by the man that I am becoming.
I not so hung on the Rican thing but it would be interesting to see another "macho" rican's perspective. Although I am pretty much an American I do have quite a few of the traditional hispanic traits, some of which I believe made my wife fall in love with me. I can be strong, controlling, jealous, protective, passionate, funny, critical and a leader. My wife and I married young and she was pretty shelter her whole life....as she reminds me on our first breakfast date...I thought it was funny that she did not know what a bagel was. She's throw that one in my face as a justification for her need to "find herself" and be as "strong as you are". What she cannot see is that she is actually stronger than me. She put up with my isecurity and controling for 16 years. She's put up with me being a drug addict for a 1 (our first year of marraige), she's put up with my immaturity and all of the other issues that I have. Poor money management, etc. All along she used to say the good always outwayed the bad. I guess until I gropped someone on my 40th birthday party. I was hammered but it is not an excuse. As I write this..I want to cry...sorry man...I feel like I've blown it. I think back on all of the crap that I;ve done and she stood their and here I am pissed that she has jumped into the arms of someone else. Hell part of me cannot blame her. I am changing I have changed and as sick as it sounds I can thank her for some of these changes. Damn - I miss her!
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I can not speak for them but the other board that I am on has what I believe is someone like whom you are describing. He is a LBS who goes by the name "angel". I know that in his sich he is trying to be the best dad he can be even though he is already D.
Although I am aware that culture and values play different parts to a person....
Let me ask you this ?
When the day is done, and you look into the mirror....
Do you see a 'rican' man ?
Or just a man, that needs to find himself and do the best he can to live each day with Dignity, Honor and Grace regardless of those cultural values ?
I'm not blastin you here, I just am curious of how those values have defined you in the past....and has that always been a stumbling block for you.....
Just a question, and I really don't need the answer to it.....
To clarify, I am of Eastern European heritage, so I cannot help in the culture area, except to understand that there are definate differences between American and other cultures.
However, I would be interested to see what others say...
In the meantime, you have received some very good advice on where to begin.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
