I think I'd rather be dead than this- WAW

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"Pressured"? Please! It's called guilt darlin'. Get over it!

Claaaaasicc......

Puppy

[Quart9]

I greatly appreciate the advice from you guys, and I would love to move back into our apt but it is not that easy. She is the bread winner in this scenerio - I am in school and as it stands I have had trouble even finding a part-time job. When this began she told me I had to move out and when I said I would not she said she would then and I'd be stuck with the rent (though I guess both of our names were on the lease -hmm).

How can I just move back in if she won't allow me too? She has changed the locks on me. She won't even allow me to go over there to collect my mail. Heck she has even taken me off of the checking account. Can I force her to give me a key to our apt?

Busting the affair is a good idea but I'm not for sure OM is still married - but I will find out! How do I set boundries about her seeing and talking to him? It seems I don't have a leg to stand on as she is doing whatever she wants.

[Steve McQueen]

I always felt it was more important for me to focus on getting into school - big mistake.

?????. Not at all. It defines who you are. YOU. If you read what you wrote above: She said she needs to figure things out. Sounds to me you already had. Keep a handle on who you are and where you are going in life. Sometimes people dig themselves a hole they cannot get out of, dont let them drag you down into it.

[MrBond]

Was it a joint checking account? She can't just go randomly out and close things without your consent. Plus if your name is also on the lease, legally you have access to the home. She can't change the locks on you. Tell her that you are moving back into YOUR home and that if she does not let you in, you will be getting a locksmith to let you in and have a policeman watching so everything's legal.

I would also go and get a job. Any job. It's tough when you're still in school, so concentrate on that if you feel that you will get a large return. Do something constructive for yourself.

[DownNotOut...yet]

How can I just move back in if she won't allow me too? She has changed the locks on me. She won't even allow me to go over there to collect my mail. Heck she has even taken me off of the checking account. Can I force her to give me a key to our apt?

She won't allow you??? She is your wife, not your mom.

If your name is on the lease, you can probably have the police compel her to let you in. If your name is on the lease, the landlord would probably let you in if you simply tell him you lost your key can he let you in please.

IF she wants to play hardball with living arrangements and money, cool, let her file for separation and you petition for support. Wives do it all the time. Husbands can too.

Takes a while to get the hang of this stuff. I promise, in 6 to 12 months you look back and marvel at how scared and powerless you seemed at this moment. BUT mark my words, get with the program and you will get your balls back. And they will feel good, once you got 'em

[Quart9]

Thanks again to all of you for your replies. W and I just met for lunch so she could give me my mail. She has stopped wearing her wedding rings so I took mine off before we met today. I remained cool confident. I made it a point not to get into any R talks and she tried to discuss a cheap way she found to get a divorce and I told her I would not talk about it.

We had a couple of laughs and I joked with her like I used to. We had no discussion about OM or that situation.

A couple of things that bugged me:
1. She said she had paperwork that I could sign to remove my name from the lease of our apt - she did not produce it during our meeting and I made no indication I would sign (and had she of produced it I would not have signed it).

2. She said her Mom and new Step-Dad are begging her to move back to FL - she says does not want to do that, but she has a girlfriend that lives at a beach about 45 min from us who is considering buying a house and she might move out of our apt to go and live with her.

This scared me but I acted like it didn't affect me. Sure, I can have the cops escort me so I can move back in the apt, but what if she moves out? Can she take her name off of the lease without my consent? It will cost me about $1200 to break my lease where I'm @ now, but I won't be able to afford our lease there by myself. I feel like such an idiot now for moving out.

On top of this she hugged me (and it seemed like she didn't want to let go) and kissed me when we parted today. Is she messing with my head?

[Quart9]

I want my balls back by the way - lol! I am going to ramp up my search for a job. I called our bank and my name is still on the account - she just cancelled our old user ID and password so I set up a new one for myself. She has been spending money like crazy!

I wish I could buy the DB or DR as ebooks. I have ordered a copy of DR and I have not receive it yet. I am so glad I found this board. Thanks to all of you!

[MrBond]

"On top of this she hugged me (and it seemed like she didn't want to let go) and kissed me when we parted today. Is she messing with my head?"

It's called guilt. She wasn't doing it for you, she was doing it for her. Her thoughts are "oh poor thing that you're going through this, but oh well! Mama's going out to have a good time with OM". If she really had second thoughts, do you think she would have mentioned all that stuff about moving?

Stand strong and be the man. It is going to be the hardest thing you are ever going to do. Mark this down. Once you take a stand (like moving back) she is going to change into bitch number 1. She's going to swear and curse at you, threaten, etc. Just stay cool and confident. See her like a spoiled little girl throwing a tantrum. She can't hurt you with words.

Get back what's yours.

[MrBond]

I would actually change the name of this thread. It's pretty depressing all in itself. Change it to something more empowering.

[Quart9]

Thank you stuck808. Yes looking back now I wish the thread name was different (though that is really how I have felt). I tried to figure out how to change it but it says that once a replay has been made that's it. I tried to PM a moderator but the PM's are disabled.

She only hugged me because of her own guilt huh? That stinks. She cried a couple of times too when we met because she said people ask about me at her work and it upsets her when they ask. I guess that is guilt too. I was hoping that it was because she actually gives a damn about me.

You say that if she had second thoughts then she would not have mentioned moving. If she is not having second thoughts about any of this then does it make sense to DB?

I also still don't understand how I am just supposed to move back in. If tell her that I'm moving back in at this point she is gonna tell me to go _ myself. If I bring the cops with me - holy smokes that would be crazy.