Yes I am still grieving but not over XH. I'm relieved that is all over with.
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Maybe you need to just hang out with women for awhile
That's what I've been doing for the last 3 yrs. Would be quite happy to carry on doing so but those friends are now starting to find new men in thier lives leaving me left behind again. There is only so many times you can go out and get a whole new set of friends.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I know you are thinking of that one guy you went out with recently. the timing wasn't right...perhaps in the future or perhaps someone new will show up. Don't give up. I am rooting for you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
No it wasn't but I really wish it had been. It may have been extremely short lived but he was certainly the type of person I think I am looking for. I think what hurts most is that he knew from the off that it was only ever going to be a fling simply because he wants kids of his own but not with someone who already has them.
I have never had an obsessive nature in my life but this is getting to be a very big obession for me and I need to get over it before it destroys me. Trouble is in the same way I used to think about XH every day (as you would expect after 20 yrs + of M) I now think about this guy every day, not on purpose but something seems to happen every day that reminds me of him. I feel like a stupid school girl with a crush but deep down I know for me it is more than that. The fantasy is never going to come to fruition though and that is the bit I am struggling with.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
ACJ, I am sorry you are going through another loss.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Sorry to read about your struggle. I take some comfort in seeing how far you have come from just knowing you couldn't live without your X, or that you didn't think you would ever be able to meet someone else - new.
See my train of thought? This is progress, although painful. Try hard to embrace it that way as much as you can - as a positive. The struggle and pain will not be with you always. You became able to move on from X, and found the desire to do so. Now unfortunately you may have to make another leap of faith, forward. You will land on your feet, right?
Ok, maybe with weak knees and upset stomach. But I think those things are balanced by the things you learn about yourself each time you grow.
Perhaps this is your rebound guy? Not to belittle what you are feeling, but you couldn't possibly have felt more than "interested liking, maybe a spark" after a date or two? I think what you are upset about, is that he "rejected" you on a thing that may not have been an issue, ever, in your R, because you would've dumped him yourself before then. How much did you get to know him, really, except that he is brutally honest and rather tactless. He doesn't really know what he wants because if he wants children, then he should make sure he only dates women who don't have any and want some themselves.
But, your attention has been diverted from you XH, and maybe that's a good thing.
Just throwing it out there.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
W2S you are right I have moved on enormously. I know that deep down and I'm proud of what I've achieved. Now I just want to be able to share it with someone.
BM you also are absolutely right. However that doesn't take away the fact that he made me feel alive and I think that is what I am really grieving over.
I went, alone, to the opera tonight. I've never been before but I think I will go again as I enjoyed it.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
Cool re the opera. I have never been. I should go sometime.
I think what you, perhaps, don't realise is that he didn't make you feel alive (although it might feel that way) --- you allowed yourself to feel that way again. YOU!
Just my opinion, but I cannot believe that anyone can make one feel alive. We do that for ourselves, and allow people in or not.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Since Friday evening I have spent virtually the whole weekend in the company of XH............. Our D14 had an appendicitis and had to have an operation. It turns out it was a pretty nasty appendix and they only just caught it in time. She is still in hospital as she had a bit of a relapse this morning but hopefully if she is better tomorrow she can come home.
At first X barely managed any conversation but over time he has become more open to it. Each time I've gone I have stayed for the day but after Saturday when she had the op he has come and gone. Yesterday he insisted that OW and MIL be allowed to visit. To make it easier on D14 I made myself scarce whilst they were there. OW (who was 29 yesterday) came in looking like she had just stepped out of Vogue magazine. I was jealous at first but then realised she needed to do that to get past the awkwardness of having to be in the smae room as me. The nurses saw straight through both X and OW and thought it slightly comical. I put my foot down today and said only me and X (and S17 if he wanted) could visit. Every tme X arrives he alludes to the fact taht I should leave. I haven't done. She is my child and I will stay with her as longa s I like. I can ahppily sit and read a magazine while D14 is sleeping but he clearly finds the silence difficult b/c that when he gets up and leaves. Of course he does now have to share his time between two families. I am so glad I'm not in that position.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I hope that your daughter feels better soon. I don't blame you, I wouldn't leave the room either. He needs to suck it up, act like a father and learn to co-parent the proper way. You certainly aren't going to throttle him in the hospital room and he needs to understand that you are her mother and you will be there for her.
As for the 29 yr old.....who does she think she's fooling? No one. Everyone can see what's going on there.
Please take care of yourself and speedy recovery wishes are coming across the pond to your daughter.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
