Positive developments? #2

[Tomato]

sure was fun on Saturday, huh?

I will have to try and see if I might be able to join you guys at Jim's in April ..longshot but who knows?

Ted

[K4D]

Patience Jon. Keep praying for restoration and playing it cool. It has been a long road for you and you have done well. It sounds like she starts to inch forward and then gets turned another direction by her family. Just keep being the stable loving one and praying for her and yourself and with time she will move closer and closer to you.

I also enjoyed watching the superbowl with yall last night. That was fun. Thanks again for that.

Kevin

[River]

Good words from Michelle and Kevin. Your W's family won't let her grow up, and that seems to trap her and cause her anxiety. You're the one person who's giving her space and letting her grow, and also letting yourself grow in the process too. She seems to have so little confidence in her own decisions, but you are allowing her to experience those decisions and responsibilities for herself, and in terms of the growth and future flourishing of her personhood, that's an amazing gift that you're giving. River.

[jon2911]

Thanks everyone!

E-mail from W during work yesterday, said she's coming in town today. Apparently the doctor appointment from last week got moved to this week. She had several tax, medical insurance, and auto insurance questions.

She also said "Super excited, life has been very hard lately and this is will be my bright spot for a while! Can we maybe go to James Avery while there?"

I bought her a James Avery ring early in our dating. Maybe she wants to polish it. I told her that sounds great and I'm looking forward to her visit. Also, that we made tentative Valentine's plans for Houston, so could she stay in town? She said there are some details to work out, so we'll see. I told her if I need to come there that's still fine.

I cleaned my place some more last night, band practice was canceled, which was good timing. Called W around 9:30, planning to go to bed early. We talked for a little while, then she said "are you falling asleep, or can I say something?" I was falling asleep, but

She started crying, said "I'm so scared. Living with my grandparents will be terrible. My Dad tried to convince me to live with him instead, but he won't give me as much as my grandparents. I need my space, and even when you and I lived together we would get on each others nerves it wasn't terrible. With my grandparents, they'll be asking every second what I'm up to. I told them some days I have to stay in bed all day, and I know they won't understand."

W just called, she worked out picking up her new Netbook downtown Houston, and she's on her way. She said "I can't wait to see you". Yay!

So, do I talk to her about moving? It's like she's giving me an opening to. The apartment next to me rents for $60, so we could do both for $160. I heard again last night they're having trouble finding a tenant, as it's already mid-semester.

As for gramps, W's parents are divorced and her Mom already passed away. So she'll get her inheritance soon anyway (just realistically). I don't see why she needs to go crawling to them for it. He's still very in favor of our marriage anyway, much more so than FIL. And now they're trying to outbid each other for W, like they always have. What a mess.

[jon2911]

OK, W got her Netbook after haggling for a while, extremely busy day here at work so I didn't get lunch until 2:00.

Noticed a text from W "can I borrow $200? Pay you back Thursday". After thinking it over, I called and said yes. Fortunately we have a joint account that makes these transfers easy. She asked if her new phone would get into the bank web site, and I said yes. She asked if that doesn't work, if she could call me with her login info and have me do it. Wow, that's a lot of trust. I asked if she needed the money for gas, but she said she's already halfway here.

Talked with a friend over lunch about the developments and what my actions should be, any other advice is appreciated.

[Tomato]

hey jon,

just lettin' ya know that I am following along with ya. Not much to say at the moment.

Enjoy your visit w/ W. Praying for the Holy Spirit to be upon you both.

T

[jon2911]

Thanks T! Off work heading to her hotel. Here we go...

[MichelleLT]

Wow. Lots of twists.

Def positive that she is coming for a visit.

The only way you will know about the apt is to ask, albeit subtly.

Such hits to her independence. That's gotta be painful to her while she is trying to grow.

The fact that no one else understands merely makes you look better and better.

[FaithfulH]

Jon,

Just catching up with your recent developments! Wow! I hope you and your W had an awesome evening! Praise God!

I'm in Chicago all week on a business trip...trying to stay warm...and out of the snow. Praying for you both!

BTW, I had a blast with you and the rest of the gang Saturday night! We put away some sushi, huh?

Take care,

[jon2911]

Thanks everyone, prayers really appreciated.

We had tentative dinner plans for 7:00. She had texted me the address of the hotel, which was really close to work. I had a terrible training with a new customer at work and got off late. Guy was angry before I even called him and stayed that way, pushing for a refund. The job is cool, but I'm learning how hard it is to help and train non-technical people without talking down to them. Should be good experience.

I texted W at 6:45 "ready when you are", then called just after 7:00. I could tell she was asleep, and she said she still had lots of phone calls and e-mails to FIL to do. She said it would be really late, that she'd actually fallen asleep at a truck stop on the way. I told her that's fine, that I'd grab dinner and had stuff to do. "I'm parked at La Quinta, so I'll stay in the area" I said. She freaked out. "I told you not to do that". I asked what she meant, and she said "I need space" and hung up. 30 minutes later a text "I'm ticked off and don't want to hang out tonight".

It was such a rush of emotions it's hard to explain. The old feeling that FIL always wins, and I always get blown off. How much longer do I put up with this? I hit the gym and took out some frustration, called a good friend and vented and prayed. Worked on my house some more and then went to bed. That was hard.

W called just then, explained that this all feels really strange, that when we see each other she needs to know things ahead of time and not be surprised. I told her I understood. She said she sleeps so much better with me there (big change!), and thought it would be fun, but it didn't work out this time. She had just arrived at the hotel, and was setting up her new Netbook.

I took a chance and said "if you need tech support, it would save me fighting traffic in the morning". She said "I was going to ask you that, would that be OK?" She also wanted something to eat, so I stopped on the way.

When I got there she was very chatty, and I was really tired, but it was good. She told me she's on disability now, and they backdated it so she got a big check in September, but that money's run out now. She had been denied once, but applied again, and writing it all out, listing 15 doctors she's seen, and then getting the approval letter was a realization that things really are this bad. I have to admit it hit me hard also, but I'm very proud of her and glad at the news. She'll get Medicare in another 2 years, which is great also.

She had to leave early this morning for a support group meeting at her doctor's, but we're scheduled for lunch and maybe something tonight. She's worried FIL will pressure her to get back home. I need to make up a name for him, like SAHFIL.