Oh...one last thing...part of me would like to have more contact to get a better sense of whether he has progressed. but I need to be in a place where I do not care so much.
And I have changed, too.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Same here forward, I would like to see where ex is in this mess, but it is not worth the possible set-back on my part.
I no longer will pursue in any way. I have accepted that I may never have any closure on this. I am not asking for bended knee just a little tidbit of remorse.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Trusting, You got some sense of your X not being happy and I would think that would help somewhat.
I have seldom gotten that sort of information from X. Only accidently, when I overheard him ordering her around.
I have been doing another 180 (not that I am really at that stage any more)--asking for him to reciprocate favors. This is a real dynamic to undo because I always put him first. Ultimately, that just meant a whole boat of disrespect.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
I think I would add this, Trusting. The urge to get some remorse and regret is that we want to believe we weren't crazy and we were in love.
Maybe we need to let go of that need for validation, too. I know it isn't easy but we might never get it.
With that said, it seems that they generally do have some words at some point. My friend heard from her X of about 8 years ago--long apology as he knows he wronged her.
She didn't answer.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Forward, I do think you should worry about yourself rather than think of the "what ifs" with your XH. I'm not trying to be negative in saying that, I just feel at this time you need to live for you. The last 3 years or so you have tried everything to get him back and make it work, he wouldn't have anything to do with it. You might very well get the remorse or apology someday, but I sure wouldn't count the days, nor would I worry about his progression. Life is too short to worry about such as that. Go have fun! If wants to give you apologies, remorse, or whatever, then he will regardless of what you do.
Yep. That fog is REALLY thick. I will go out on a limb and say I have one of the ugliest craziest exes on here.. and he still asks why I won't be "nice" to him, and the ever popular "why do you hate me so much?" He asks to be my FB friend every week.
Too funny it's like they don't remember the hell they have put us through...
Last edited by SoCo; 02/07/1012:20 AM.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
SoCo, They do not remember all that they have put us through. Even though they have walked and created such a mess, deep down, they still want to be our friends. Their interpretation of friends is entirely different from what our interpretation of friends is.
Continue doing what you've been doing and do try to stay off his train of drama. He needs to "sense" that you are not playing the drama game w/him any longer. Once he realizes you aren't being sucked into his drama, he will try every which way to get you sucked back in. Just prepare yourself for that little attention getter down the road.
Most importantly, take care of yourself. You owe it to yourself to pamper and be kind to yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Totally agreed Snodderly. I don't even think they remember from one minute to the next. Yeah, I am trying soooo hard to stay off the drama express... Just makes it kinda hard when they are taking your kids along for the ride...
Sorry for the mini-jack Forward!
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
And as far as the rest: I've been sick for a few days (nothing major) and dragging. Winter is bleah.
Had another issue that I need to straighten out w/X. I still notice that he wants to come into the house, even when there is no reason to do so.
Otherwise, just trying to get through this so I can get back into my exercise routine. I have been going to a class regularly, but it is not enough to go 1-2x/week.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
and he still asks why I won't be "nice" to him, and the ever popular "why do you hate me so much?" He asks to be my FB friend every week. 