Forward's new thread

[forward]

SSL, I do not pray to save my marriage; I pray for understanding of what is best.

BH, Out of curiosity, did your X ever try to come back and is she still w/OP?

I noticed that in many cases, the X makes a tentative move in that direction and then takes off again. I also note that the WAS USUALLY has some words of regret and remorse at some point. It seems to be some YEARS after bomb drop, often when WAS is alone again. That doesn't often translate into any kind of effort to rebuild, as it is usually too late, but it's interesting nonetheless.

While I think there is a place for your point of view, being able to say that you did your best for a M means a lot, and for some people that means standing for a long time. So what is the point of trying to tell people who aren't ready to hear it to move on? People must come to this emotional conclusion themselves and for most on this board, I think they want to be able to say, with peace, that they tried everything.

After all, as I keep pointing out to you, you can know something is true but not feel it emotionally yet. I am not waiting on X, but on myself, as I finish trying to close that door. I would like to be more social but I am not up for a long-term relationship yet. This has had me thinking that maybe I need to be social without dating.

Upside, I think you may be right. It is hard to get to that point but I believe most of us do.

[braveheart]

Forward, no, XW never did try to come back and I don't have any idea if she is seeing anyone or what she is doing. I have zero contact with her and do not to ever communicate with her on anything. I have moved on and have someone else in my life. I closed that chapter in my life. I only offer advice, people do not have to take it, and I realize that sometimes people get mad at me over what I say. Everyone must do what they think is best, but I think if folks would be honest with themselves, they would see that things are the way they are and won't change..... I do realize many won't and I think its truly sad, I mean you have people who sit and wait for years and are on so many kinds of medication for depression and what not. No way would I let anyone put me in that type of shape, but that's just me. many seek answers, but most likely will never get them and if they do, it won't make sense to them.

[forward]

BH, My point is that while your advice may be valid, timing is everything. People here are still working on DBing and again, being able to say that you did your best is important.

Also, most people are not just waiting, but trying to work on themselves, too.

As far as things not changing, change is the only constant. It might not be the change we want or expect, but it is constant.

[forward]

Also, BH, I suspect that you WILL someday hear from your XW.

Of course, I'm not saying to wait under such circumstances. I'm just thinking that personal relationships just work that way....cutting contact entirely doesn't resolve feelings as they tend to bubble up later.

[forward]

And now, back to me. Still wishing that I would hear that X and OW are having problems, breaking up, whatever. It is hard to accept that maybe I will never hear that but I suppose I need to recognize that maybe she is his true love (eew).

If anything they seem to present as a big happy family w/D. It's pretty disgusting.

[braveheart]

Forward, I disagree. One of the big problems with people on here is they DON'T work on themselves. They wait on the XH or XW and do nothing really different. You speak of change, I agree, things do change, but I was talking in terms of the former marriage. Anyway, I hope you can get yourself on track, I know its tough, but to keep looking back makes it harder. As far as "hearing from XW" LOL Well, that probably wouldn't be a good idea on her part to try to contact me, that's all I am going to say.

[fisherman]

Forward, I disagree. One of the big problems with people on here is they DON'T work on themselves. They wait on the XH or XW and do nothing really different.

I agree. However I would say some not most.

As far as "hearing from XW" LOL Well, that probably wouldn't be a good idea on her part to try to contact me, that's all I am going to say.

So is it safe to say her trying to contact you would be a negative thing? You would have control over it being positive or negative for YOU no matter how she would act. Right?

Is this something that has changed with you or has it not been a good idea for quite a while?

I know I know... you're going to tell me you're not angry or bitter or anything else like that. But it's still not a good idea for her to contact you..... Sooo why?

Any negativity you carry with you will affect you. You pay the price for that.

Sorry, I couldn't help it. LOL It's been a while since I've given you a hard time.

[braveheart]

Trapt, that's a fair enough question. The reason why I do not wish to speak to her is, she walked off and left me to raise 2 little kids on my own. I'm sorry, but someone who would do that will do anything. Therefore I wouldn't believe a word she said, so why talk? I have nothing further to say to her, I have long since moved on and whatever bed she has made, she must lay in it.

[fisherman]

I get that.

I can't imagine my wife leaving my children too.She didn't want much to do with them for a while but that for me never happened. We have 50/50 custody.

I'll be the first to admit that for quite a while I had sort of an edge or a chip on my shoulder when I dealt with my ex. I just still see a lot of that in other people. (and I'm not saying I do in you) it just seems to be pretty common.

I don't know what happened in me but I guess I finally just let it all go. I saw that life was still great and I'm alright with not being together. I try my best to treat her nicely. I feel a lot better about it too. I don't really expect anything from it, it's just better this way I guess.

The past three weeks have been interesting. She has been calling pretty much daily. I don't take all of the calls but some. Kind of funny. I still have to keep some boundaries and yes there is still things that leave me shaking my head but she has improved a ton. Slowly, but she's getting better in ways.

Anyway, I was just curious...I don't really know that much about what happened to you. I just know for me it was a struggle for a while but once I reach a place where it didn't matter any more it was like a huge weight was lifted.

Sorry for hijacking here Forward.

[braveheart]

Trapt, its just like Popeye says " I've took all I can stand, and I can't stands no more" Enough said!