Why not set a boundary about how much access she has to your house? Keep it simple and tell her. And share with the kids where it's not appropriate for Mommy to be (like Daddy's BR).
Hi, Gyps, perhaps so. But either way I think I need to just stand guard against her intruding further whenever she visits.
...
I don't know why I'm still awake now. I am exhausted from a very busy weekend with my S's. Mostly us working on S9's pinewood derby (PWD) entry. But things with work have me on edge.
I work in IT for a large corporation based in Charlotte, NC, but with branches all over North America. I work for a division that serves customers in the Triangle area of NC. For the last three years or more we have watched as the corporate offices have centralized more and more of their operations and control. We've gone from a division with a great deal of autonomy in serving our local customers, to one that is becoming increasingly regional in its practices -- as such there is continuing consolidation of operations. Our IT group is starting to merge with those from other divisions, to operate with our counterparts across our region (the Carolinas) and corporate-wide. The IT teams from our region have been working well to coordinate our efforts together as a wide-spread group, while each team still serves the immediate needs of our local customers at the same time.
Since last fall we were placed under a regional VP of IT and the indication is that we were going to embark on a long difficult project of merging our databases and application systems into one regional system. We could easily see this as an effort that would take up more than a year or two of development and implementation. Nevertheless, given our professions we had assumed that all the divisional teams could perform these tasks remotely and without any problems. At the same time there was a reshuffling of our entire management structure from one based on geographics to one based on functional areas. This change in structure meant that managers were now going to be reassigned/reassessed, but there was no indication that this would impact the rank-and-file employees. In fact they had assured us last Fall that we were all desperately needed for our skill sets and we were thus secure in our positions
Well, Friday this all changed. It appears that the Regional VP, despite the nature of our high tech jobs and despite any earlier assurances, has decided he wants not only his upper management to be based in the corporate offices in Charlotte, but eventually the entire management structure and even the rank-and-file folks too. They made a call out to everyone in all the divisional IT offices to see who would like to go ahead now and relocate to Charlotte (some 3 hours away). The story was that they had office space available and needed volunteers to relocate. The other part of the story is that eventually the VP wants all of us there. No one can tell us how long "eventually" means.
Most of us are now speculating as to how much time we might have before our jobs move to the corporate offices. Until Friday, I thought that if such plans were to be fulfilled we wouldn't expect any pressure until at least two years or more, and certainly not before the divisional merge was completed. But these latest moves have me thinking they're moving awfully fast. I'm not sure I have six months, much less a year, before they ask us if we are willing to go to Corporate. Out jobs will move certainly, but it remains to be seen whether we'll go as well.
Naturally everyone is trying to think what to do. We have ties to this local area and it's not easy to pull up stakes, if/when the time comes.
I am stuck. The funny thing is that I am in the process of getting myself moved, but only locally. I actually have no permanent stakes in this area, when I get right down to it. But I am obligated to be an active parent to my two S's, and they are now anchored to this area by their mother. She will never let me take them away from here, and I must live where they live. So while I could entertain (and partially welcome) leaving this place with it's sad memories behind me, my automatic answer is no.
And with my finances so strained right now, the prospect of eventually being out of a job, in this economy, has me quite concerned. What I see on the horizon coming at me is not too good.
I'll pray for the job sitch, however, it may be a blessing in disguise. I am reviewing my hometown sitch as well, to see if it makes sense to stay in Portland for more than a year. If the job is moving, you're either looking for a new place to live, or looking for a new job. God will let you know. And thanks for the prayers. Goldey
Thanks, Goldey. I really hope you're safe and secure now.
This might prove to be a new opportunity, but at the risk of sounding pessimistic, I have my doubts. I have already sacrificed much of my advancement prospects with this company by committing myself to father my two S's. As a result, I am now taking orders from a couple of people who would have been subordinates to me had I remained in management. Meanwhile I'm watching the painful cliche of people starting to crawl over each other to jockey for positions in the reshuffling new management structure. I am anticipating that one or more will use me and any other rank-and-file folks as cannon fodder in their efforts to wage their turf wars. I'm already seeing my boss start to pull advanced projects that I developed years ago as a manager away from me so she can have me focus on more mundane stuff. It feels like I am being sidelined so that my accomplishments and expertise don't overshadow less-seasoned management.
I hate office politics.
But I am confident that, come what may, God will make good use of whatever happens and prepare me for where he wants me to go.
...
I picked up S9 at their grandmother's last evening -- xW mother, the evil xMIL. I had brought S9's cub scout uniform for him to change into for tonight's meeting. While we waited for what seemed like forever as S9 changed his cloths in MIL's bathroom, we traded pleasantries. It seemed cordial enough, or so I thought. That is, until at one point xMIL showed me, with glee, S5's handwriting practice they had worked upon that afternoon. She had had him practice writing several names of people he thought important to his life. There were all the usual names writ large on the elementary ruled paper along with S5's attempts underneath to imitate the words and names initially modeled by xMIL's handiwork. The names included their mother's, S9's name, S5's name, their grandmother's (xMIL), ... but not my own -- no mention of "daddy" amidst all these names and family member titles.
That did not bother me -- what bothered me was that there in the very midst of all, standing out (to me at least) like John Hancock's overbearing signature in the signing section of the American Declaration of Independence, was the very name of the OM.
I said absolutely nothing and tried to be as nonchalant as I could muster. My heart must have skipped a beat however. I quickly put it behind me, but I was more than ready to get out of there at that point. I then spurred S9 to complete getting his uniform on and we got ourselves out and under way. And I got pretty busy from that point and put it all out of my mind.
But then I got up this morning and it struck me hard. I felt again the pain of betrayal and MIL's underhandedness in purposely working to wreck my M for her own selfish purposes. I recalled how she had coached xW to cheat on me and take up with OM, how sinister she was in trying to eject me from my family. And then here she was boasting on S5's handwriting, as if she were some normal, conscientious adult who had meaningful, qualified teaching skills (which she most certainly does not) -- and all the while rubbing in my face the fact she's subtly coaching my S's in to disregarding me as their parent and substituting me with her approved usurper.
My thoughts again are that I need to have MIL removed as a caregiver to my S's.
xW has tried to make me out to be insane and unreasonable in objecting to her imposing her mother on our S's. But this was clear evidence that they are both subtly and surely trying to alienate my children from me. Their war against me is still ongoing, and I must never drop my guard.
Why, I ask, do people seek to be so evil? Even to seemingly derive pleasure at their hurting of others? And to then try to instill that into the hearts and minds of innocent children?
I don't get it. It saddens me to think that such malice that they harbor will ultimately damn them to oblivion. I pray for these people, for what may be left of their souls, but it wearies me so much at times. I'm not strong enough for my own sake to be able to consider for long such blackened hearts. It's too much for me.
I'm just glad that God can and does bear to consider our sins.
She really is evil. I can't understand someone that would do something like that; sounds like she's attempting to brainwash your S. Two thoughts: you need to stay away from going into your X's house! That would have prevented that wouldn't it? Try to encourage your kids to be ready on time, and then when they aren't, wait outside. Stay away from the toxic they spew. My other thought is if you see that kind of thing again, for example her handwriting practice with OM's name, ( ) then I would keep it for legal purposes.
I agree with some of what you've said, but the suggestion of applying the Four Agreements presupposes that I am uncertain of xW's and xMIL's intent. Let me be absolutely clear -- I know for certain what their motives and intentions are. I am assuming nothing. I have each of their patterns of behavior, words, deeds actions going back well over twenty years. I have xMIL's own admissions about previous husbands she's done this to. I have xW's own history.
Please don't assume that I am assuming.
Secondly, "blame"? Huh?!? To what is this in reference?
On being a father, I have chosen to be a father AND I have chosen to be obligated as a father. They're one and the same. My choice to become a father carries with it an obligation that I duly accepted. These cannot be separated -- except by shallow, self-centered people. So, again, I'm not sure what your point is.
And no, I am not being irrationally paranoid and thinking others are out to "get me". Quite the opposite. I merely observe that there are a large number of people who are out there for their own selves and will do anything they can get away with to have what they want, and they will screw anyone over who might happen to get in their way. I just happen to be in the line of fire from time to time, that's all. Otherwise they'd not give a rat's petard.
As such, I may get angry and vent, but I don't really take it "personally". I do observe the path of destruction they're on. And while they deem to destroy anyone who gets in their way, they fail to see that the real target of their destruction is themselves.
In general, I guess for once I'm not exactly sure where you're coming from.
No Code...I can only comment on my sitch, and how I choose to react when chitt flares up. Take what you want...
I got a call yesterday that my STBX plans to visit S16 in the hospital on Sunday, at the same time I am planning a visit w/ several strong people who are close to S16 and care about him. His favorite teacher, a trusted family friend...good, stand-up men. And I totally freaked out. What should have been a fun afternoon (at the hospital, if that's possible) playing cards, BS'ing, male bonding, has now been ruined by the prospect of my STBX showing up. And who is letting it get ruined? Me.
For whatever reason, this man triggers my fright/flight response. I can control how I respond or react to the mention of his name.
Get it?
And yes, the new apartment is wonderful. Thanks for the continued prayers for my little family.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
) then I would keep it for legal purposes.
